House Hunting

I put a bid in on another "short sale" house today. For this one the seller's realtor is confident we will hear back from the bank within a week. That would be really nice, except for the fact that I really like the first house I bid on quite a bit better. It has been almost a month and I haven't heard from the seller's bank on whether or not they accepted the bid. The seller is moving out.... I talked to him yesterday. His family moved to Texas months ago, and he is finally following them. He told me to just be patient... the bank would eventually get back to me.
The problem is, what if they get back to me and their answer is "no." Even though I have cash, I don't know how much the seller owes the bank. The bank may not want to take a loss, and may ask me to pay more than I have bid. Problem is I don't have more than I already bid... so I would have spent a lot of time for nothing.
The house I bid on today is in the same area, and has some features that I like better, but it is just not the same. Oh, today's house is also quite a bit cheaper.
It is frustrating dealing with real estate right now, because of all the short sales and foreclosures, and neither the banks nor the realtors really having any timelines on this stuff. It seems that you have to be in the right place at exactly the right time, have cash in your hand, and even then the whole deal may fall through at the bank's whim. It is hard to be patient, but it is also very, very interesting. I am learning so much about this whole real estate business. I also feel extremely sorry for the many, many people who are losing their houses. I also feel sorry for people like me who have always paid their house payments, who had to sell their house because of a death ( e.g. no second income), and who are trying very hard to buy something. It seems to be a no-win situation all around.
Hopefully I will hear something from someone soon ! Being homeless is not fun.

You can go home again !

Hi Readers,
It has been some time since I have written, and I do apologize. Life got a little bit crazy.
As some of you know, I sold my home. It was built by my paternal grandparents, my dad grew up there, my husband was sick there, and it is the only home my kids really remember.... so you can imagine how difficult it was to pack up and move away. Remarkably it sold in 4 days, at a very good price ! The only downside was escrow closed December 22 and the buyer wouldn't let us stay in for one last Christmas. (no, he did not move in before Christmas. He still hasn't moved in, so I don't know what that was about.) He is a single man, electrician, late 40's, and this is his first house. My friend Muffy says of course he is single. Who would marry a man who would throw people out of their house right before Christmas ! Anyway, he wants to restore the home and "take it back to its original footprint". If he wants to turn a 3 bedroom 2 bath home back in to a 2 bedroom 1 bath home, just so it is historically correct, I say "go for it, dude!" I have not regretted the sale a single day since it happened. It was time to move on.
HOWEVER, I have not had a lot of luck finding a place to live ! It was wonderful to have cash for Christmas, but I am currently living with my parents until I find a home. I have bids in on two houses, both are short sales, and even though I have cash in hand the banks are moving very slowly. All you read about is how banks are foreclosing on homes, how banks are losing money, etc. Well, I can totally understand it ! When you bid on a short sale home ( which is the step before foreclosure) the banks are taking anywhere from 30 days to 6 months to even look at the paperwork. During that time, if the homeowner is still in the house, he is not paying a house payment or from what I have seen, doing any upkeep ! Some of the houses I have seen, where the people have moved out, have so much damage you can't believe it. One house the toilet was ripped right out of the bathroom. I had visions of a little family walking down the street with all their possessions, the dad with a toilet strapped to his back !

I am thankful for my parents offering to let me live in their house, especially since I have two dogs ! Let's just say they are not dog people. Tomorrow will be one month since I have lived here, and it has been interesting. I didn't really date in high school, so now that I am almost fifty years old and dating, my parents are acting like I am 18 again. "When are you coming home?", "What do you mean you are spending the night at your friend's house?" "No, you cannot have your friend over for dinner." "Don't think he is staying here !" AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH.
Oh, and did I mention I am living out of a cardboard box and a blue plastic storage box because I was only allowed one drawer and no closet space ? ("You can't put anything in the closet because it might block the vacuum cleaner and the cleaning lady needs access.") Way to make me feel welcome ! It's lights out at 6:30 around here.... that's after dinner some time between 4:30 and 5:00..... drinks at 2:00. Best conversation yet: my dad - "Dom, do you want a drink?" Me- "Dad, I am working and it's a little early for drinks." My dad - "What do you mean? It's after 12:00 !" OMG !!!!! They get offended when I don't want a steak and baked potato at 4:30 when I am going to jazzercise at 5:45.
It is so cold in this house that I understand why they go under the covers at 6:30. If they don't, they will freeze to death. I finally, on the advice of the wonderful Mr. Blind, put a heated mattress pad on the bed, but the way the room is configured it will only plug in with the plugs right by my head, which scares the heck out of me. If I am going to fry my brain, I want to do it in a much more exciting way!
I have also discovered why my parents use the bath towels once and then wash them. If you take a shower in the morning, it is so cold that the towel is not dry by the next morning; just freezing and soggy. The hot water runs out mid-shower and the towel is iced over from the night before. I feel like little house on the prairie !

Christmas was wonderful here, except for the fact that Max, Lisa and I all slept in the same bed in my upstairs room because there is only one bed there. My mom says the fold out couch is broken, my dad says my mom is crazy, but I am afraid to try it. It was warm, at least. Both of my kids are 6 feet tall, so there were alot of long arms and legs to contend with, not to mention Lisa singing childhood bedtime songs ! Actually, it was a lot of fun.

Keep your fingers and toes crossed that I hear soon about one of the two houses I am trying to buy.... I will keep you posted. I want to buy a house with enough rooms for my office, and for my kids to have a spot even though they are nearly grown. As I have now found out, you never know when you will move home again!

Kitchen Dangers

I was sitting in my kitchen this morning, sipping my cup of coffee, looking at all the things I will miss when I sell this house, and I got to thinking; "What is the most dangerous thing in a kitchen?" You would automatically say knives, or the cleaning supplies under the sink, or maybe even the stove since you could burn your self or it could explode during the night and your house would go up like the forth of July ( yes, I have a gas stove/oven), but I thank the most dangerous thing in a kitchen is the crock pot.

This simple, unassuming kitchen appliance is supposed to save you time by cooking a meal while you are out. That's actually quite a convenience. But what if you have a home office like I do ? On these cold mornings I might put a pork roast, some apricots, some bbq sauce, tomatoes, some onions and maybe a little garlic in the crock pot and put it on low for a full day of simmering knowing that in the evening I will have pulled pork I can serve my family. I get up at 7a.m. to get it started. By 9a.m. it is starting to smell like something is cooking, and I am looking at the banana I am eating for breakfast and thinking, " this should really be oatmeal with lots of brown sugar." By 11 a.m. the kitchen is starting to smell wonderful, and I am rooting around in the bread drawer for toast. My one o'clock it's diet be damned. The house smells like delicious food but I know I can't open the crock pot until at least five o'clock, so I open every other cupboard, drawer, and hiding place in the house, gobbling whatever I can find. By the time the pork roast is ready, I look at feel like Petunia Pig after an all night binge. However, since I have been smelling pork all day, I have to force down a pulled pork sandwich on a soft roll..... it's almost cannibalistic!

I think, while I am packing up the kitchen, I will leave the crock pot behind. Let someone else's butt get gigantic !

Grandmas Don't Tweet !

There are a lot of changes going on in my life right now. My financial planner has again insisted that I put my family home, which my grandparent's built over 85 years ago, and which my late-husband and I purchased from my dad when the kids were small, up for sale. I can't afford the upkeep on such an old home, I don't really need the space although it is not all that big ( 3 bed 2 bath), and I guess I should listen to my financial guy, but it is so very sad not to mention that it is the worst real estate market since the dawn of time. The house will list on November 11 and I am currently packing boxes of stuff since the real estate agents told me not to have any personal things out -- photos, paintings, etc. I am nearly paralyzed with sadness at the end of each day.

Add to that the fact that the printing/publishing industry ( my industry ) is dying. Thanks to electronic media, people are just not buying printed books... which means my clients are ordering less and less. I simply cannot make ends meet and keep two kids in college.... which is something I will not compromise on. My kids' education is the first and foremost important part of my life, even if I end up living in a box.

I have been looking for job opportunities and have been really surprised by the ageism out there in the corporate world. I am 49-years-old and almost everyone says if I don't find another job before I turn 50, I may as well give up ! I today talked to an old client who used to work for a very well-known retail kitchen store that actually started in Sonoma, and he said that a few years ago they laid off everyone over fifty from the corporate office to bring in, as he puts it, "self-important 35-year-olds." I am finding that everyone hiring thinks that if you don't tweet or twitter, you aren't "with it" enough for a job. What happened to knowing your customer ? Let's say you are a well known, very high-end kitchen store. Is someone going to come in to your store because they got a tweet from Kim Kardashian saying she bought a $1,000.00 espresso maker at your store ? Somehow I seriously doubt it. Who is shopping at your store is people who have always shopped there, who know the quality, and who have the money to pay for the items. This is not just the dot comers. It is also the older retired people who have saved their money, know the value of quality, and are willing to spend to get that quality and company name. Is today's bride going to register at a store that is known for quality, or is she going to go on a bridal registry web site and electronically register for her bridal wants and needs? It is the bride's mother ( probably my age or older ) who is going to insist that the bride actually go in to a few well-known, name brand stores and personally select things for their registry, because her friends, and grandma's friends who will all be invited to the wedding are not all that comfortable purchasing gifts over the Internet, and will want to go in to a store that they know and feel comfortable in, look at what the bride has chosen, and make a purchase with an actual human being. Customer service, baby, that's what it's still all about. Mom and grandma don't want to tweet and twitter. They don't want to go on face book to learn about their daughter's registry. They want to shop at a real store, talk to a real human, and walk out feeling happy with their purchase.
Bonus if they get to talk to someone their age ! WAKE UP CORPORATE AMERICA.

movies to grieve by !

Feeling pretty depressed and unloved today. I am not sure why! Perhaps it is because my son is here to "see me" but is really out all day with his cousin.... he just needed my car apparantly ! He left this morning while I was at jazzercise and has been out all day. I hate being housebound. After all the laundry and cleaning is done, and I finished my book, I didn't know what to do with myself. Decided to take a walk and found myself at the cemetary talking to my husband's grave. Not exactly a cure for depression. I did thank Todd for loving me for all those years, and that felt good.

I thought maybe I would go bug Mr. Blind for a while, because I didn't get to spend time with him yesterday since my son was here, but he is busy watching a "Breaking Bad" marathon. So, I'm not as important to him as a tv program ? Not a good sign !

Instead of having a good time going out, I am sitting home watching Bridget Jones' Diary, which is not a good thing to watch if you are feeling sorry for yourself. The whole opening scene with Bridget lip-synching "all by myself" was way too familiar. Besides, it made me want a drink quite badly ! Okay, I did pour myself a glass of wine, but it was after 5:00. Quite a good glass of wine in fact; Overture, which was luckily left here after the party my sister threw last week at my house for her husband and her friends. Amazingly, Overture red wine goes quite well with pumpernickel pretzel sticks and pub cheese, but don't tell the wine maker. I am sure he would be appalled with that pairing !

What other movies shall I watch, to put myself into a depression coma? How about Steel Magnolias. That's a real tear jerker. Maybe Love Story ? or Philadelphia ? I've never seen Dr. Zhivago, but that's depressing too, isn't it ? I could really work myself into a nice puddle of depression if I can download them all on the instant netflix queue !

International

We've gone International ! I received a comment from Linda in Canada, letting me know that she reads and likes my blog. THANK YOU LINDA. It is GREAT to hear from you, and I am so happy you are enjoying reading my blog. It is really fun to know that someone outside of my circle is reading this. HOORAY. TELL YOUR FRIENDS !

Weekend best wishes,
Domini

Identity & Underwear Theft

It seems as though there are a few too many bloggers using the title "Dom's life" in some way, shape or form. Of course when you put Dom's-life in google search, using the hyphen, mine comes up first...... but I was surprised to see how many others there were. So with that in mind, I am thinking of changing then name of my blog.
What comes to mind initially is Widow Speak ( kind of a play on words for widow's peak) but I don't know. Any thoughts ? Please chime in with your name suggestions.

It's been a long time since I have blogged, because I have once again been accused of "sharing too much" and told to just "keep things to myself" from various and sundry people..... okay, mostly from my mom and she doesn't even read my blog, but somehow every time I type I hear her voice in my head ! How is it that my own kids don't listen to a damn thing I say, but I, at almost 50-years-old, still hear my mother's voice in my head telling me what to do... and I listen ! CRAZY.

Let's see, what is there to share. Oh, I know, there was a BONFIRE ! No it was not a "before the big game" bonfire where everyone is wrapped in blankets and drinking out of a flask, cheering for their team. It was not a romantic evening on the beach bonfire. It was not even a burn day, as far as I know. What it was is a ritualistic burning of Mr. Blind's underwear, and no, I didn't do it in a fit of rage. I didn't do it at all, though it would be a really good revenge tactic. The firebug, who is definitely NOT on Smokey the Bear's friends list right now, was my son.

It all started because we, ( my son and myself ) got in an argument about underwear. You would think I would know better after all of these years than to get in arguments with my childen, but old habits are hard to break. You would also think that when he comes here, unannounced, for the weekend, he would know to
bring the same number of underpants as the number of days he is staying. It's not rocket science. One clean pair a day should do it. Instead it is the incredulous voice asking me why, even though he doesn't live here anymore, I don't have clean underwear for him in his drawers for when he comes home. What kind of mother am I that I don't have a shrine erected in his room, complete with every convenience item he may need ? And like an idiot I feel badly and go to the store to get underwear for him ! And like an idot I get the wrong size ( clearly the store should NOT put children's underwear in the grown up section without labeling it as such), and that causes a whole other round of shouting. Back to the store I go, but while I am gone my son decides to go through my drawers, I guess looking for his father's underwear to put on. Mind you, my husband has been dead for a year and a half. I do not still have his underwear in the drawers, because I, as previously noted, do not keep an underwear shrine in my house to those not in attendance ! AHHHH, but he did find men's underwear in the drawer....the underwear of Mr. Blind !

Let me tell you, my son TOTALLY FLIPPED OUT and when I got home from my second round of shopping, this time with the correct size and style of boxers firmly in my grip, there was a fire in the BBQ and the delightful smell of clothing burning. He was very eager to show me that he had taken the underwear, socks and sleep shirts out of the drawer in my room, and they were now ashes.

How is one supposed to react when they see their child, with a manic look in his eye and a cheshire cat smile on his face, standing over a bbq cooking one's boyfriend's clothing ?

I can totally understand that he was shocked to find the undergarments in my house, as he is not aware that Mr. Blind stays here overnight sometimes, but the reaction is a bit severe and in fact, quite crazy. I was so astounded that he would do something like that, I just couldn't wrap my head around it. And it's not because he doesn't like Mr. Blind because he has only met him once and refused to speak to him. My son just doesn't like the idea that I am dating ANYONE at all. I burst into tears and left the house to the firebug. I couldn't even yell at him I was so astounded.

Where did I go ? To Mr. Blind's but I couldn't tell him what my son had done, because that would hurt him too badly and because I didn't really know how to explain it. However, the next day when Mr. Blind came over and none of his clothes were there, I did have to tell him that they got destroyed. The look on his face was so forlorn and incredulous. He was actually speechless until the next day when he said that he really had to think about things and see if he could continue with this relationship.

Quite frankly, if it were me, I would have dumped me right then. No one should have to go through what my son did to him. I wouldn't have blamed him if he walked away and found some lucky, lucky woman who chose not to reproduce. I was wishing I was from a species who ate their young.

Astonishingly, he decided to stick around and we have been together every day ever since. It is getting kind of serious. Somehow I have to figure out a way to get my kids on board with this idea of me dating just one person.......... any thoughts on this would be appreciated as well. It's never easy, is it ?