My "friend" has suggested that the only thing that could make our relationship better is if I become more vocal ! I know those of you that know me must be laughing your butts off, because rarely have I been accused of needing to make more noise or speak up more ! I am a "cards on the table" kind of gal. I say what I think, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
However, not in the context that my friend is talking about. He wants dirty talk ! "Oh, put your big ........ in my ........", "I can feel your great big, hot, ............" etc. You know, the kind of encouragement that turns some people on and makes others, like me, either cringe or laugh out loud ! I am serious ! And how encouraging is in when in the midst of pleasure, either your partner says something to you that makes you just dissolve in a fit of laughter, OR even worse, you can't shut off your mind and are spending valuable nooky like trying to think of something "sexy" to say that won't make you sound like you are in a bad porn film ? Maybe I should watch some porn films so that I can get tips on how to say that crap with a straight face. (Do they show people's faces in porn films ?) Since when is moaning and getting your partner's name right not enough ?
Maybe I should just say practical things like "I need more foreplay than just flipping me on top of you." Somehow I don't think that's the kind of vocal he's looking for !
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
The Drawer !
While Mr. Blind and I were walking around Target today, he asked if he could have a drawer in my room where he could keep a few things for when he stays over. A reasonable request but I've got to tell you, it totally sent me into a spin. #1, my house was built way back when a person had one sandal that they would pass from foot to foot when they wanted to wear shoes, and had one dress for the weekdays and one for church day ! Space is at a premium, and I am jealous of my space. I am not sure I want to share ! #2, am I ready for someone to keep his stuff at my house ? He does stay over a lot, and he carries his dirty clothes to work with him in his back pack when he goes straight from my house to work in the mornings, but having a dedicated drawer makes it seem permanent. This scares the crap out of me, because if he moves things in, then he can move them out again ! Am I emotionally ready for this ? Of course I reacted like a deer caught in the headlights, and the only thing I could think of to say was, "I didn't' know if you were staying of not, so I didn't offer a drawer." LAME and RUDE all at the same time ! So then I tried to cover by saying I didn't know which drawer to give him, and he suggested my pajama drawer because I have "300 pairs of pajamas." True, but beside the point. I love pajamas and where would I put them if I took them out of the drawer ?
Now I have a dilemma, and I can't stop thinking about it. I am going to go in my room and stare at the drawers, and see if an answer comes to me.
Now I have a dilemma, and I can't stop thinking about it. I am going to go in my room and stare at the drawers, and see if an answer comes to me.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The Day After
A follow up to yesterday's birthday blog. Mr. Blind came over with a lovely present that is filling my day with music ! Very unexpected. I thought my present was dinner ! Of course, it was "man wrapped" which means no wrapping but the bag it came in. Haha. There was a lovely card !
I chose a Mayan restaurant for dinner. It was delicious. In retrospect, however, if you want a full evening of fun, perhaps spicy food and beans is not the food to order ! The Mayan menu doesn't exactly make you want to go home and take your clothes off, if you know what I mean! So I got to thinking today, what type of food is the perfect "friends with benefits" date food ? The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but is that the way south as well? I had considered a steak restaurant, as most men tend to like red meat,but I decided that if I had steak I would be all bloated and feeling like a big fat blob, and my stomach would probably be upset as well, so that was out. How about a nice salad restaurant ? No, because too much roughage can give you gas, and I am certain anything I ordered would have nuts -- don't want to go there again, or bell peppers or cucumber, both which make be burp. That's out. Indian food ? Too spicey. Popping Malox and having your nose run from the spices isn't exactly the height of sexy ! Chinese food? Maybe, but you'd have to take a break in an hour because you'd be hungry again !
I've decided that the Italians know how to eat, and to live. A nice calm dish of pasta, a nice glass of red wine, and you are warm, cozy and ready for love !
I chose a Mayan restaurant for dinner. It was delicious. In retrospect, however, if you want a full evening of fun, perhaps spicy food and beans is not the food to order ! The Mayan menu doesn't exactly make you want to go home and take your clothes off, if you know what I mean! So I got to thinking today, what type of food is the perfect "friends with benefits" date food ? The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but is that the way south as well? I had considered a steak restaurant, as most men tend to like red meat,but I decided that if I had steak I would be all bloated and feeling like a big fat blob, and my stomach would probably be upset as well, so that was out. How about a nice salad restaurant ? No, because too much roughage can give you gas, and I am certain anything I ordered would have nuts -- don't want to go there again, or bell peppers or cucumber, both which make be burp. That's out. Indian food ? Too spicey. Popping Malox and having your nose run from the spices isn't exactly the height of sexy ! Chinese food? Maybe, but you'd have to take a break in an hour because you'd be hungry again !
I've decided that the Italians know how to eat, and to live. A nice calm dish of pasta, a nice glass of red wine, and you are warm, cozy and ready for love !
Monday, May 3, 2010
Happy Birthday to Me !
Today is my 49th birthday.... last year of the 40s. WOW. I can't believe it. My husband died when he was 49-years-old. WAY TOO YOUNG.
Yesterday we had a wonderful family brunch to celebrate. Max couldn't make it, but everyone else was there and we had a whole lot of fun. Brunch really is the perfect meal. You can have yummy food, and still have the whole day to do other things. Plus you don't feel like an overstuffed pig when you go to bed from eating too much dinner !
Tonight I am going out with Mr. Blind, who is treating me to a birthday dinner. I get to pick the restaurant. In Sonoma, most restaurants are closed on Mondays so that makes my choice easier ! Traditionally Todd always took me to my favorite Italian restaurant in Sonoma, The Depot, for my birthday each year. I know the food is good there, and I know they are open on Mondays, but I really don't think I can go there this year to celebrate with Mr. Blind. It is just a little too emotional for me. I will have to find someplace new and start a new tradition. I am actually looking forward to it.
I'll let you all know how it goes !
Yesterday we had a wonderful family brunch to celebrate. Max couldn't make it, but everyone else was there and we had a whole lot of fun. Brunch really is the perfect meal. You can have yummy food, and still have the whole day to do other things. Plus you don't feel like an overstuffed pig when you go to bed from eating too much dinner !
Tonight I am going out with Mr. Blind, who is treating me to a birthday dinner. I get to pick the restaurant. In Sonoma, most restaurants are closed on Mondays so that makes my choice easier ! Traditionally Todd always took me to my favorite Italian restaurant in Sonoma, The Depot, for my birthday each year. I know the food is good there, and I know they are open on Mondays, but I really don't think I can go there this year to celebrate with Mr. Blind. It is just a little too emotional for me. I will have to find someplace new and start a new tradition. I am actually looking forward to it.
I'll let you all know how it goes !
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Coincidence??????
When I first met Todd, all those 29-years-ago, I was in Mexico with my mom, cousins, etc. and we took medicine prescribed by a doctor in order not to get "tourisma." Turns out I was highly allergic to the medicine, especially when combined with the sun. Of course it was combined with sun. I was young, thin, fit in a bikini, and was in Mexico !!!!
The results when I returned home were phenomenally bad. I ended up with something called arythema multiforma, that manifested itself in blisters and oozing sores everywhere. Especially attacked were my mucus membranes. My tongue swelled up and actually peeled off. I had sores in my eyes, in any other mucus spot you could imagine, and open sores all over my body. Looked like a leper, smelled even worse. I could go on and on, but you would probably throw up, so I won't. I was in this state for about a month.... ( continued on and off for about 5 years whenever I got stressed out, but that's another story.)
Anyway, during the month Todd kept calling me. I told him I was sick, and I kept blowing him off because I looked like total crap. Not the gal he met in Mexico to say the least. One day, on his way back to school, he just showed up at my parent's door. AND MY MOM LET HIM IN MY ROOM ! I could have died ! I had not brushed my teeth for weeks because I couldn't open my mouth. I was emaciated from lack of food, bruised and broken, hollow eyes, OMG I looked like crap. Todd sat and talked to me for about an hour, and when he left, he leaned over and kissed me on the mouth! I didn't even want to be anywhere near my mouth ! It was at that moment that I fell in love with him.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. I have to go to San Diego for work, and I am stressed out about it. I accidentally eat walnuts in a salad dressing..... yes, I am totally allergic to walnuts. My throat swells up, my mouth starts to break out..... but I don't make the walnut connection because they weren't visible in the dressing. Must have been walnut oil or something, and it was a salad that was brought in for the meeting and left in my hotel room as the only food available to me for the evening unless I wanted to go to a restaurant by myself -- no minibar, no room service. Yes, I ate it for lunch and dinner !
I return home to Sonoma and after a few days when I don't get any better I decide I must have allergies, so I do something I am totally not supposed to do since I have severe allergies to medications. I go to Target and grab an off brand allergy medicine, and take some without even looking at the label. ( Yes, you can be almost 49-years-old and still make very stupid choices !). The reaction, while not as severe as the Mexico trauma, was pretty awful. My tongue broke out in a huge sore, right on the tip, the size of a quarter. I have been in total pain for the last week, and again, not a pretty site to look at my mouth or to be anywhere near it. Not great for my new relationship with Mr. Blind, who I am sure thinks I have scurvy or some other strange disease and am just saying is an "allergy!"
I remember that 29 years ago I gargled with hydrogen peroxide, so I start doing that again... and I don't get better. Mr. Blind is very considerate and very comforting, but really doesn't know what to do or think. Finally yesterday I call Kaiser and go over the situation with the advice nurse. "Oh no", she says, "don't use hydrogen peroxide. That inhibits new cell growth. You'll never get better that way !" Who knew. She also said cold foods were my best friends, and to rest and take care of myself and it should clear up within the week. WOO HOO. I have actually stopped the hydrogen peroxide and have gotten much better in 24 hours. Oh, and as for Mr.Blind, he stopped at the store last night and walked in to my house with ten individual containers of different flavors of ice cream !!!!! He is a keeper !
I fell in love with Todd when he handled a pretty bad health situation in such a positive way, and I am impressed and grateful to Mr. Blind for the way he has handled this current situation. While I was going through all of this in my mind last night I wondered if this was a little test that Todd sent down, to see if Mr. Blind passed muster. It would be something he would do, because it would be something I would recognize and understand. Maybe this new relationship is going to work out after all.
The results when I returned home were phenomenally bad. I ended up with something called arythema multiforma, that manifested itself in blisters and oozing sores everywhere. Especially attacked were my mucus membranes. My tongue swelled up and actually peeled off. I had sores in my eyes, in any other mucus spot you could imagine, and open sores all over my body. Looked like a leper, smelled even worse. I could go on and on, but you would probably throw up, so I won't. I was in this state for about a month.... ( continued on and off for about 5 years whenever I got stressed out, but that's another story.)
Anyway, during the month Todd kept calling me. I told him I was sick, and I kept blowing him off because I looked like total crap. Not the gal he met in Mexico to say the least. One day, on his way back to school, he just showed up at my parent's door. AND MY MOM LET HIM IN MY ROOM ! I could have died ! I had not brushed my teeth for weeks because I couldn't open my mouth. I was emaciated from lack of food, bruised and broken, hollow eyes, OMG I looked like crap. Todd sat and talked to me for about an hour, and when he left, he leaned over and kissed me on the mouth! I didn't even want to be anywhere near my mouth ! It was at that moment that I fell in love with him.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. I have to go to San Diego for work, and I am stressed out about it. I accidentally eat walnuts in a salad dressing..... yes, I am totally allergic to walnuts. My throat swells up, my mouth starts to break out..... but I don't make the walnut connection because they weren't visible in the dressing. Must have been walnut oil or something, and it was a salad that was brought in for the meeting and left in my hotel room as the only food available to me for the evening unless I wanted to go to a restaurant by myself -- no minibar, no room service. Yes, I ate it for lunch and dinner !
I return home to Sonoma and after a few days when I don't get any better I decide I must have allergies, so I do something I am totally not supposed to do since I have severe allergies to medications. I go to Target and grab an off brand allergy medicine, and take some without even looking at the label. ( Yes, you can be almost 49-years-old and still make very stupid choices !). The reaction, while not as severe as the Mexico trauma, was pretty awful. My tongue broke out in a huge sore, right on the tip, the size of a quarter. I have been in total pain for the last week, and again, not a pretty site to look at my mouth or to be anywhere near it. Not great for my new relationship with Mr. Blind, who I am sure thinks I have scurvy or some other strange disease and am just saying is an "allergy!"
I remember that 29 years ago I gargled with hydrogen peroxide, so I start doing that again... and I don't get better. Mr. Blind is very considerate and very comforting, but really doesn't know what to do or think. Finally yesterday I call Kaiser and go over the situation with the advice nurse. "Oh no", she says, "don't use hydrogen peroxide. That inhibits new cell growth. You'll never get better that way !" Who knew. She also said cold foods were my best friends, and to rest and take care of myself and it should clear up within the week. WOO HOO. I have actually stopped the hydrogen peroxide and have gotten much better in 24 hours. Oh, and as for Mr.Blind, he stopped at the store last night and walked in to my house with ten individual containers of different flavors of ice cream !!!!! He is a keeper !
I fell in love with Todd when he handled a pretty bad health situation in such a positive way, and I am impressed and grateful to Mr. Blind for the way he has handled this current situation. While I was going through all of this in my mind last night I wondered if this was a little test that Todd sent down, to see if Mr. Blind passed muster. It would be something he would do, because it would be something I would recognize and understand. Maybe this new relationship is going to work out after all.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Family functions
Happy Easter everyone. I wish you all a joyous and blessed Easter with your loved ones and lots of chocolate eggs.
I will be spending Easter without one person who has come to mean quite a bit to me over the past few weeks, as it is deemed "inappropriate" by certain members of my family for me to bring him to a family gathering. Words like "too soon" and "not fair to the kids" have been thrown about, mostly for guilt purposes I imagine.
I can understand the thought that it may be too soon. It is the second Easter without Todd, so we have finally gotten the firsts over with, but I don't think my kids are ready to have mom's guest at the family table. I have spoken to Mr. Blind about this, and he thankfully understands. I think I am having more trouble understanding it than he is. I have never been one to take relationships lightly. I did not parade a band of idiots through the house before choosing Todd...... okay, maybe one or two bad apples in college, but I only introduced them to my family so that I could get a free ride home ! Our home has always been opened, especially at holidays, to anyone that didn't have a place to go..... friend, acquaintance, roommate, etc. So why is it that when I want to share a special family time with a new friend, I am not allowed ? Very few people have met Mr. Blind.....my mom, my sister, my cousin, and my daughter are the only ones. So is this sudden reluctance to meet him because my family doesn't think I should be dating or is it because they want to shelter my children from the fact that I am dating ? My children are not children anymore. They are now 20 and 21-years-old. I understand that I can't force a relationship I am having down their throats, but they have to grow up and understand that I am not going to be alone for the rest of my life, that I enjoy being with Mr. Blind, and that I am not trying to replace their father in any way, shape or form. I think my mom needs to realize this too and know that I am not a 48-year-old virgin. Does that make me a bad person ? I don't really think so.
How much time is it going to take for it to be appropriate that I have someone I want to spend time with ? How fair is it to Mr.Blind to not include him in my family ? At some point that is going to be a problem, I imagine.
I guess for now, since he is okay with not being included in Easter, I will be happy that he wants to be with me, and I will be happy that I want to be with him. Maybe I will even sneak away and drop an Easter basket off at his house for him, so he knows I am thinking of him. Maybe taking it one day at a time is the best thing to do. Perhaps eventually my family will meet him, and perhaps they won't. Who knows what the future will bring.
I will be spending Easter without one person who has come to mean quite a bit to me over the past few weeks, as it is deemed "inappropriate" by certain members of my family for me to bring him to a family gathering. Words like "too soon" and "not fair to the kids" have been thrown about, mostly for guilt purposes I imagine.
I can understand the thought that it may be too soon. It is the second Easter without Todd, so we have finally gotten the firsts over with, but I don't think my kids are ready to have mom's guest at the family table. I have spoken to Mr. Blind about this, and he thankfully understands. I think I am having more trouble understanding it than he is. I have never been one to take relationships lightly. I did not parade a band of idiots through the house before choosing Todd...... okay, maybe one or two bad apples in college, but I only introduced them to my family so that I could get a free ride home ! Our home has always been opened, especially at holidays, to anyone that didn't have a place to go..... friend, acquaintance, roommate, etc. So why is it that when I want to share a special family time with a new friend, I am not allowed ? Very few people have met Mr. Blind.....my mom, my sister, my cousin, and my daughter are the only ones. So is this sudden reluctance to meet him because my family doesn't think I should be dating or is it because they want to shelter my children from the fact that I am dating ? My children are not children anymore. They are now 20 and 21-years-old. I understand that I can't force a relationship I am having down their throats, but they have to grow up and understand that I am not going to be alone for the rest of my life, that I enjoy being with Mr. Blind, and that I am not trying to replace their father in any way, shape or form. I think my mom needs to realize this too and know that I am not a 48-year-old virgin. Does that make me a bad person ? I don't really think so.
How much time is it going to take for it to be appropriate that I have someone I want to spend time with ? How fair is it to Mr.Blind to not include him in my family ? At some point that is going to be a problem, I imagine.
I guess for now, since he is okay with not being included in Easter, I will be happy that he wants to be with me, and I will be happy that I want to be with him. Maybe I will even sneak away and drop an Easter basket off at his house for him, so he knows I am thinking of him. Maybe taking it one day at a time is the best thing to do. Perhaps eventually my family will meet him, and perhaps they won't. Who knows what the future will bring.
keep blogging ?
It's been quite a while since I have written in this blog, although I have had quite a bit to say ! I am second guessing myself and wondering if I really should be writing this at all. Maybe I would be better off with paper and pen, and a diary that is not so visible like in the old days. I think I will keep at it, though, because it is fun and maybe someone, somewhere, is enjoying reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it.
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