dating ?

I was at a party recently where I was one of the only single women. Of course, the tall, good-looking single men were swarming around the big-busted, blond, blowzy "actress" and were totally ignoring me. If it were high school I would have been devastated. Now, however, I was actually relieved. How do you even begin again after 28 years ?

Yes, I am a widow. My husband has been dead for ten months now. He was sick for 2.5 years before he died. I cannot believe that I have to live life without him, and the truth is, I am really lonely even though I have two great kids. So, I have been thinking lately, especially after the party, how do you start again ?

It has literally been 28 years since I went on a date ! And believe me, I did not do a lot of dating. I met Todd when I was 20-years-old on a beach in Mexico. We fell in love shortly there after. When I look back on it now, especially since our kids are now close to that age, I realize just how lucky I was. I found someone who absolutely cherished me, and I didn't have to bother with all of the dating crap...... bars, classified ads, dating web sites...... it makes me shudder just thinking about it.

The question is, now, at age 48, do I really want to start dating again ? Yes, I realize it is too soon to date...... but what happens when it is time ? How long do you wait ? How do you know when you are ready ? Is it when I lose the 40+ pounds that have somehow found me over the years ? Is it when my kids have found their way back into life after losing their dad ? Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was some sign, like my wedding ring slipping off my finger during the night. That way I would know that it was okay to start again.

I am absolutely paralyzed with fear at the very thought of it all.

I read somewhere that older men are looking for someone half their age plus seven. Does that mean my chances of dating are limited to men who are 103 years old ! Stalking rest homes just isn't my style !