not your kind of dancing

He hasn't called yet, and I hate that I am checking the computer for an e-mail every day. I really shouldn't care if he calls again or not. If it was meant to be, it was meant to be. What I should look on the whole experience as is getting the first date over with. AARRGGHHH.
I did buy tickets to Earth, Wind and Fire at the Sonoma Jazz Festival, and there is an extra ticket just in case I meet someone I want to invite. I guess that's a step in the positive direction !

So Lisa and I were at Cheesecake factory last week having lunch and this old (my age), short, greasy, troll-like waiter came and brought our food. He said he was having a good day because he was going dancing after work. To be polite I asked him what type of dancing. He looked at me and said "not your type of dancing......her type of dancing" and sidled up to my 19-year-old. "Club dancing" he said to Lisa, with a little wink. WTF !!!!! Number one, what the hell does he perceive as my kind of dancing? The Waltz ? The Foxtrot? The Funky Chicken ?
And what is he doing flirting with my little girl? Did he really think Lisa was going to push aside her avacado rolls and start dancing in the aisles with him ? It's like when men yell things out of the car window. What are you going to do, chase them to the next stop sign and hop in their car because they are SO SEXY to have been shouting suggestive comments as they drove by. Oh, just what I'm looking for, a loudmouth in a pick-up truck !
The waiter left and Lisa and I looked at each other in stunned silence and said, "did that just happen?" Both of us were horrified.

The dating world isn't easy for a 48-year-old but it isn't easy for a tall, blonde
19-year-old either. That should make me feel better, but it really doesn't. It is really just sad.

Dancing my ass off

First I want to say thank you to everyone who is reading my blog. Today someone told me how much they were enjoying it, and that they wished I blogged more often. Honestly, I thought only my sister, my friend Carol and my friend Tim were the only ones reading it. So readers, if you are enjoying it, let me know !

I have been thinking about dating, just in case I ever do it again, and two words keep popping up in my mind....."Stamina" and "Flexibility." ( Okay, so I have been thinking about sex. So what. It's been a long dry spell..... I like to call it "what they don't tell you about chemo.")

I would hate to be in the middle of something great, and not have the stamina to finish what I've started ! Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm talking about a long hike in the mountains !
So I have decided to walk my rear over to the Community Center three days a week and struggle though an hour of jazzercise. Yes, it does still exist ! There are people in the class who have been doing it for 20 years. I am not sure if they are the fat people or the skinny people.... guess I should figure out a delicate way to ask that question. I am having a great time because when there is music involved, it really doesn't feel like you are exercising, and it's only $4 a class. Frugal and fun !

Joining a class that has been going on for 20 years is interesting. Today I put my mat where someone else always puts their mat on Saturday, and talk about the stink eye ! It is extremely territorial. Add to that the fact that they all know the choreography. I am sure the people around me are rolling their eyes at my lack of coordination. The instructor is having fun..... I keep seeing her cracking up every time I miss a step. I'm glad I am amusing someone ! My one saving grace is that my legs are longer than a lot of people's, so if they get too close and are having a problem with me, I can just "accidentally" kick them. Ha Ha ! Take that ! This is supposed to be fun.

Today it popped into my head that I haven't used birth control in 20 years. I can't even imagine going to the doctor and having that conversation. I don't even know the options anymore. I am sure at my age there are all sorts of risks, but OMG, there are risks everywhere. Dating really is a mine field. Did I already write that someone on their match.com page actually put there were looking for a woman who was subservient. Can you believe it ? Who are these people.

Of course, all of this is putting the cart before the horse because I haven't even dated anyone yet. I do have a potential "meet and greet" for next weekend..... so stay tuned readers. There's more to come.

Dating and kids

My son walked by while I was looking at a dating profile site, and he absolutely flipped out. Yelled at me that there was no way I was going to start dating already..... that he would fight anyone who came to the house for a date. Obviously he is not ready for his mother to start dating. Perhaps because he is not dating !
I remember my late husband telling me that when he was a teen, ( his mother died when he was 12-years-old), his father had a better social life than he and his brothers did. He said it was really difficult going through the whole dating scene while his father was dating also. I understand that, but my son is 21-years-old. Yes, he still lives at home ( until I can find and afford an apartment in San Francisco for him), yes, he was absolutely devastated at his father's sickness and death, but his reaction still surprised me. I asked him if he wants me to be lonely for the rest of my life. He said no, but that he is not ready for me to date yet. What do I do? Do I tell him it is none of his business ? Do I understand his viewpoint, take it to heart, and not date anyone until he is ready ? Do I date, but be sneaky about it ? It is quite a dilemna.
What I couldn't really explain to my son is that I don't really think I am ready to date either, but I feel like I have to put myself out there and just dip my toes in the water. If I wait too long, I will never take that leap.

dating ?

I was at a party recently where I was one of the only single women. Of course, the tall, good-looking single men were swarming around the big-busted, blond, blowzy "actress" and were totally ignoring me. If it were high school I would have been devastated. Now, however, I was actually relieved. How do you even begin again after 28 years ?

Yes, I am a widow. My husband has been dead for ten months now. He was sick for 2.5 years before he died. I cannot believe that I have to live life without him, and the truth is, I am really lonely even though I have two great kids. So, I have been thinking lately, especially after the party, how do you start again ?

It has literally been 28 years since I went on a date ! And believe me, I did not do a lot of dating. I met Todd when I was 20-years-old on a beach in Mexico. We fell in love shortly there after. When I look back on it now, especially since our kids are now close to that age, I realize just how lucky I was. I found someone who absolutely cherished me, and I didn't have to bother with all of the dating crap...... bars, classified ads, dating web sites...... it makes me shudder just thinking about it.

The question is, now, at age 48, do I really want to start dating again ? Yes, I realize it is too soon to date...... but what happens when it is time ? How long do you wait ? How do you know when you are ready ? Is it when I lose the 40+ pounds that have somehow found me over the years ? Is it when my kids have found their way back into life after losing their dad ? Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was some sign, like my wedding ring slipping off my finger during the night. That way I would know that it was okay to start again.

I am absolutely paralyzed with fear at the very thought of it all.

I read somewhere that older men are looking for someone half their age plus seven. Does that mean my chances of dating are limited to men who are 103 years old ! Stalking rest homes just isn't my style !