Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to all the lovers out there. To those of us without Valentine's, it is also Chinese New Year, the year of the Tiger. Go out, get some Chinese food, and find the tiger or tigress within you.

Exactly one year ago today I was in the hospital with my husband, Todd, for what was to be the beginning of the end. He had been spitting up blood all day, but didn't tell me because he wanted to finish the taxes! As soon as I signed the papers he said "I think you had better take me to the emergency room." Let me tell you, that was the longest drive to Santa Rosa I ever made. He didn't want me to call the kids.... Max was in San Louis Obispo visiting friends, and Lisa was in Marin at school.....it ended up to be a very long weekend in the cancer ward where he was pumped full of quarts and quarts of blood and plasma. It seemed like the bags would never end. The people at Memorial Hospital were so wonderful. They gave us a private room and let me stay with him the entire weekend. I had brought chocolates and a card for Todd to celebrate Valentine's. I wasn't sure it was the last Valentine's Day we would spend together, but I had an inkling.

Todd never wanted to know just how bad he was, and asked the doctor to never tell him how long he was expected to live. He decided that it would be better if he just lived each day the best he could, not worrying about a future he couldn't change. We had to skip the regular chemo treatment that weekend, and I remember our doctor came in and told us he was going on vacation for a week, and did we want to meet with a different doctor once we were released from the hospital, or did we want to wait until he came back from his holiday. We had decided to wait until he returned. I was telling this to an older doctor who came by the next day to check on Todd, and he looked at me with such concern in his eyes and told me that there was no way Todd was going to be able to have chemo the next week anyway. I could tell he wanted to say something more, and I really think he wanted to prepare me that this was the end, but I guess he knew Todd's wishes, so he didn't say anything.... just shook our hands.

Thankfully Todd was released from the hospital after a 3-day stay. It was a real miracle, and I am so grateful he did not die while the kids were away. Three weeks later when he did pass away, he was ready and the kids and I were there holding him and saying good-bye.

Last Valentine's Day stands out more than any of the other 27 Valentine's Days we had together. Not because it was sad or frightening, though it was both of those. It stands out because we were there, in the hospital, going through the "for worse" part of our wedding vows, knowing we could face anything because we were facing it together,completely and totally united in our love for each other.

So today, for Valentine's Day, I ask that you hold on to the one you love and tell them thank you for every minute of happiness, and even for the minutes that weren't so happy. Love continues, love endures,true love is forever.