I put a bid in on another "short sale" house today. For this one the seller's realtor is confident we will hear back from the bank within a week. That would be really nice, except for the fact that I really like the first house I bid on quite a bit better. It has been almost a month and I haven't heard from the seller's bank on whether or not they accepted the bid. The seller is moving out.... I talked to him yesterday. His family moved to Texas months ago, and he is finally following them. He told me to just be patient... the bank would eventually get back to me.
The problem is, what if they get back to me and their answer is "no." Even though I have cash, I don't know how much the seller owes the bank. The bank may not want to take a loss, and may ask me to pay more than I have bid. Problem is I don't have more than I already bid... so I would have spent a lot of time for nothing.
The house I bid on today is in the same area, and has some features that I like better, but it is just not the same. Oh, today's house is also quite a bit cheaper.
It is frustrating dealing with real estate right now, because of all the short sales and foreclosures, and neither the banks nor the realtors really having any timelines on this stuff. It seems that you have to be in the right place at exactly the right time, have cash in your hand, and even then the whole deal may fall through at the bank's whim. It is hard to be patient, but it is also very, very interesting. I am learning so much about this whole real estate business. I also feel extremely sorry for the many, many people who are losing their houses. I also feel sorry for people like me who have always paid their house payments, who had to sell their house because of a death ( e.g. no second income), and who are trying very hard to buy something. It seems to be a no-win situation all around.
Hopefully I will hear something from someone soon ! Being homeless is not fun.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
You can go home again !
Hi Readers,
It has been some time since I have written, and I do apologize. Life got a little bit crazy.
As some of you know, I sold my home. It was built by my paternal grandparents, my dad grew up there, my husband was sick there, and it is the only home my kids really remember.... so you can imagine how difficult it was to pack up and move away. Remarkably it sold in 4 days, at a very good price ! The only downside was escrow closed December 22 and the buyer wouldn't let us stay in for one last Christmas. (no, he did not move in before Christmas. He still hasn't moved in, so I don't know what that was about.) He is a single man, electrician, late 40's, and this is his first house. My friend Muffy says of course he is single. Who would marry a man who would throw people out of their house right before Christmas ! Anyway, he wants to restore the home and "take it back to its original footprint". If he wants to turn a 3 bedroom 2 bath home back in to a 2 bedroom 1 bath home, just so it is historically correct, I say "go for it, dude!" I have not regretted the sale a single day since it happened. It was time to move on.
HOWEVER, I have not had a lot of luck finding a place to live ! It was wonderful to have cash for Christmas, but I am currently living with my parents until I find a home. I have bids in on two houses, both are short sales, and even though I have cash in hand the banks are moving very slowly. All you read about is how banks are foreclosing on homes, how banks are losing money, etc. Well, I can totally understand it ! When you bid on a short sale home ( which is the step before foreclosure) the banks are taking anywhere from 30 days to 6 months to even look at the paperwork. During that time, if the homeowner is still in the house, he is not paying a house payment or from what I have seen, doing any upkeep ! Some of the houses I have seen, where the people have moved out, have so much damage you can't believe it. One house the toilet was ripped right out of the bathroom. I had visions of a little family walking down the street with all their possessions, the dad with a toilet strapped to his back !
I am thankful for my parents offering to let me live in their house, especially since I have two dogs ! Let's just say they are not dog people. Tomorrow will be one month since I have lived here, and it has been interesting. I didn't really date in high school, so now that I am almost fifty years old and dating, my parents are acting like I am 18 again. "When are you coming home?", "What do you mean you are spending the night at your friend's house?" "No, you cannot have your friend over for dinner." "Don't think he is staying here !" AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH.
Oh, and did I mention I am living out of a cardboard box and a blue plastic storage box because I was only allowed one drawer and no closet space ? ("You can't put anything in the closet because it might block the vacuum cleaner and the cleaning lady needs access.") Way to make me feel welcome ! It's lights out at 6:30 around here.... that's after dinner some time between 4:30 and 5:00..... drinks at 2:00. Best conversation yet: my dad - "Dom, do you want a drink?" Me- "Dad, I am working and it's a little early for drinks." My dad - "What do you mean? It's after 12:00 !" OMG !!!!! They get offended when I don't want a steak and baked potato at 4:30 when I am going to jazzercise at 5:45.
It is so cold in this house that I understand why they go under the covers at 6:30. If they don't, they will freeze to death. I finally, on the advice of the wonderful Mr. Blind, put a heated mattress pad on the bed, but the way the room is configured it will only plug in with the plugs right by my head, which scares the heck out of me. If I am going to fry my brain, I want to do it in a much more exciting way!
I have also discovered why my parents use the bath towels once and then wash them. If you take a shower in the morning, it is so cold that the towel is not dry by the next morning; just freezing and soggy. The hot water runs out mid-shower and the towel is iced over from the night before. I feel like little house on the prairie !
Christmas was wonderful here, except for the fact that Max, Lisa and I all slept in the same bed in my upstairs room because there is only one bed there. My mom says the fold out couch is broken, my dad says my mom is crazy, but I am afraid to try it. It was warm, at least. Both of my kids are 6 feet tall, so there were alot of long arms and legs to contend with, not to mention Lisa singing childhood bedtime songs ! Actually, it was a lot of fun.
Keep your fingers and toes crossed that I hear soon about one of the two houses I am trying to buy.... I will keep you posted. I want to buy a house with enough rooms for my office, and for my kids to have a spot even though they are nearly grown. As I have now found out, you never know when you will move home again!
It has been some time since I have written, and I do apologize. Life got a little bit crazy.
As some of you know, I sold my home. It was built by my paternal grandparents, my dad grew up there, my husband was sick there, and it is the only home my kids really remember.... so you can imagine how difficult it was to pack up and move away. Remarkably it sold in 4 days, at a very good price ! The only downside was escrow closed December 22 and the buyer wouldn't let us stay in for one last Christmas. (no, he did not move in before Christmas. He still hasn't moved in, so I don't know what that was about.) He is a single man, electrician, late 40's, and this is his first house. My friend Muffy says of course he is single. Who would marry a man who would throw people out of their house right before Christmas ! Anyway, he wants to restore the home and "take it back to its original footprint". If he wants to turn a 3 bedroom 2 bath home back in to a 2 bedroom 1 bath home, just so it is historically correct, I say "go for it, dude!" I have not regretted the sale a single day since it happened. It was time to move on.
HOWEVER, I have not had a lot of luck finding a place to live ! It was wonderful to have cash for Christmas, but I am currently living with my parents until I find a home. I have bids in on two houses, both are short sales, and even though I have cash in hand the banks are moving very slowly. All you read about is how banks are foreclosing on homes, how banks are losing money, etc. Well, I can totally understand it ! When you bid on a short sale home ( which is the step before foreclosure) the banks are taking anywhere from 30 days to 6 months to even look at the paperwork. During that time, if the homeowner is still in the house, he is not paying a house payment or from what I have seen, doing any upkeep ! Some of the houses I have seen, where the people have moved out, have so much damage you can't believe it. One house the toilet was ripped right out of the bathroom. I had visions of a little family walking down the street with all their possessions, the dad with a toilet strapped to his back !
I am thankful for my parents offering to let me live in their house, especially since I have two dogs ! Let's just say they are not dog people. Tomorrow will be one month since I have lived here, and it has been interesting. I didn't really date in high school, so now that I am almost fifty years old and dating, my parents are acting like I am 18 again. "When are you coming home?", "What do you mean you are spending the night at your friend's house?" "No, you cannot have your friend over for dinner." "Don't think he is staying here !" AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH.
Oh, and did I mention I am living out of a cardboard box and a blue plastic storage box because I was only allowed one drawer and no closet space ? ("You can't put anything in the closet because it might block the vacuum cleaner and the cleaning lady needs access.") Way to make me feel welcome ! It's lights out at 6:30 around here.... that's after dinner some time between 4:30 and 5:00..... drinks at 2:00. Best conversation yet: my dad - "Dom, do you want a drink?" Me- "Dad, I am working and it's a little early for drinks." My dad - "What do you mean? It's after 12:00 !" OMG !!!!! They get offended when I don't want a steak and baked potato at 4:30 when I am going to jazzercise at 5:45.
It is so cold in this house that I understand why they go under the covers at 6:30. If they don't, they will freeze to death. I finally, on the advice of the wonderful Mr. Blind, put a heated mattress pad on the bed, but the way the room is configured it will only plug in with the plugs right by my head, which scares the heck out of me. If I am going to fry my brain, I want to do it in a much more exciting way!
I have also discovered why my parents use the bath towels once and then wash them. If you take a shower in the morning, it is so cold that the towel is not dry by the next morning; just freezing and soggy. The hot water runs out mid-shower and the towel is iced over from the night before. I feel like little house on the prairie !
Christmas was wonderful here, except for the fact that Max, Lisa and I all slept in the same bed in my upstairs room because there is only one bed there. My mom says the fold out couch is broken, my dad says my mom is crazy, but I am afraid to try it. It was warm, at least. Both of my kids are 6 feet tall, so there were alot of long arms and legs to contend with, not to mention Lisa singing childhood bedtime songs ! Actually, it was a lot of fun.
Keep your fingers and toes crossed that I hear soon about one of the two houses I am trying to buy.... I will keep you posted. I want to buy a house with enough rooms for my office, and for my kids to have a spot even though they are nearly grown. As I have now found out, you never know when you will move home again!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Kitchen Dangers
I was sitting in my kitchen this morning, sipping my cup of coffee, looking at all the things I will miss when I sell this house, and I got to thinking; "What is the most dangerous thing in a kitchen?" You would automatically say knives, or the cleaning supplies under the sink, or maybe even the stove since you could burn your self or it could explode during the night and your house would go up like the forth of July ( yes, I have a gas stove/oven), but I thank the most dangerous thing in a kitchen is the crock pot.
This simple, unassuming kitchen appliance is supposed to save you time by cooking a meal while you are out. That's actually quite a convenience. But what if you have a home office like I do ? On these cold mornings I might put a pork roast, some apricots, some bbq sauce, tomatoes, some onions and maybe a little garlic in the crock pot and put it on low for a full day of simmering knowing that in the evening I will have pulled pork I can serve my family. I get up at 7a.m. to get it started. By 9a.m. it is starting to smell like something is cooking, and I am looking at the banana I am eating for breakfast and thinking, " this should really be oatmeal with lots of brown sugar." By 11 a.m. the kitchen is starting to smell wonderful, and I am rooting around in the bread drawer for toast. My one o'clock it's diet be damned. The house smells like delicious food but I know I can't open the crock pot until at least five o'clock, so I open every other cupboard, drawer, and hiding place in the house, gobbling whatever I can find. By the time the pork roast is ready, I look at feel like Petunia Pig after an all night binge. However, since I have been smelling pork all day, I have to force down a pulled pork sandwich on a soft roll..... it's almost cannibalistic!
I think, while I am packing up the kitchen, I will leave the crock pot behind. Let someone else's butt get gigantic !
This simple, unassuming kitchen appliance is supposed to save you time by cooking a meal while you are out. That's actually quite a convenience. But what if you have a home office like I do ? On these cold mornings I might put a pork roast, some apricots, some bbq sauce, tomatoes, some onions and maybe a little garlic in the crock pot and put it on low for a full day of simmering knowing that in the evening I will have pulled pork I can serve my family. I get up at 7a.m. to get it started. By 9a.m. it is starting to smell like something is cooking, and I am looking at the banana I am eating for breakfast and thinking, " this should really be oatmeal with lots of brown sugar." By 11 a.m. the kitchen is starting to smell wonderful, and I am rooting around in the bread drawer for toast. My one o'clock it's diet be damned. The house smells like delicious food but I know I can't open the crock pot until at least five o'clock, so I open every other cupboard, drawer, and hiding place in the house, gobbling whatever I can find. By the time the pork roast is ready, I look at feel like Petunia Pig after an all night binge. However, since I have been smelling pork all day, I have to force down a pulled pork sandwich on a soft roll..... it's almost cannibalistic!
I think, while I am packing up the kitchen, I will leave the crock pot behind. Let someone else's butt get gigantic !
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Grandmas Don't Tweet !
There are a lot of changes going on in my life right now. My financial planner has again insisted that I put my family home, which my grandparent's built over 85 years ago, and which my late-husband and I purchased from my dad when the kids were small, up for sale. I can't afford the upkeep on such an old home, I don't really need the space although it is not all that big ( 3 bed 2 bath), and I guess I should listen to my financial guy, but it is so very sad not to mention that it is the worst real estate market since the dawn of time. The house will list on November 11 and I am currently packing boxes of stuff since the real estate agents told me not to have any personal things out -- photos, paintings, etc. I am nearly paralyzed with sadness at the end of each day.
Add to that the fact that the printing/publishing industry ( my industry ) is dying. Thanks to electronic media, people are just not buying printed books... which means my clients are ordering less and less. I simply cannot make ends meet and keep two kids in college.... which is something I will not compromise on. My kids' education is the first and foremost important part of my life, even if I end up living in a box.
I have been looking for job opportunities and have been really surprised by the ageism out there in the corporate world. I am 49-years-old and almost everyone says if I don't find another job before I turn 50, I may as well give up ! I today talked to an old client who used to work for a very well-known retail kitchen store that actually started in Sonoma, and he said that a few years ago they laid off everyone over fifty from the corporate office to bring in, as he puts it, "self-important 35-year-olds." I am finding that everyone hiring thinks that if you don't tweet or twitter, you aren't "with it" enough for a job. What happened to knowing your customer ? Let's say you are a well known, very high-end kitchen store. Is someone going to come in to your store because they got a tweet from Kim Kardashian saying she bought a $1,000.00 espresso maker at your store ? Somehow I seriously doubt it. Who is shopping at your store is people who have always shopped there, who know the quality, and who have the money to pay for the items. This is not just the dot comers. It is also the older retired people who have saved their money, know the value of quality, and are willing to spend to get that quality and company name. Is today's bride going to register at a store that is known for quality, or is she going to go on a bridal registry web site and electronically register for her bridal wants and needs? It is the bride's mother ( probably my age or older ) who is going to insist that the bride actually go in to a few well-known, name brand stores and personally select things for their registry, because her friends, and grandma's friends who will all be invited to the wedding are not all that comfortable purchasing gifts over the Internet, and will want to go in to a store that they know and feel comfortable in, look at what the bride has chosen, and make a purchase with an actual human being. Customer service, baby, that's what it's still all about. Mom and grandma don't want to tweet and twitter. They don't want to go on face book to learn about their daughter's registry. They want to shop at a real store, talk to a real human, and walk out feeling happy with their purchase.
Bonus if they get to talk to someone their age ! WAKE UP CORPORATE AMERICA.
Add to that the fact that the printing/publishing industry ( my industry ) is dying. Thanks to electronic media, people are just not buying printed books... which means my clients are ordering less and less. I simply cannot make ends meet and keep two kids in college.... which is something I will not compromise on. My kids' education is the first and foremost important part of my life, even if I end up living in a box.
I have been looking for job opportunities and have been really surprised by the ageism out there in the corporate world. I am 49-years-old and almost everyone says if I don't find another job before I turn 50, I may as well give up ! I today talked to an old client who used to work for a very well-known retail kitchen store that actually started in Sonoma, and he said that a few years ago they laid off everyone over fifty from the corporate office to bring in, as he puts it, "self-important 35-year-olds." I am finding that everyone hiring thinks that if you don't tweet or twitter, you aren't "with it" enough for a job. What happened to knowing your customer ? Let's say you are a well known, very high-end kitchen store. Is someone going to come in to your store because they got a tweet from Kim Kardashian saying she bought a $1,000.00 espresso maker at your store ? Somehow I seriously doubt it. Who is shopping at your store is people who have always shopped there, who know the quality, and who have the money to pay for the items. This is not just the dot comers. It is also the older retired people who have saved their money, know the value of quality, and are willing to spend to get that quality and company name. Is today's bride going to register at a store that is known for quality, or is she going to go on a bridal registry web site and electronically register for her bridal wants and needs? It is the bride's mother ( probably my age or older ) who is going to insist that the bride actually go in to a few well-known, name brand stores and personally select things for their registry, because her friends, and grandma's friends who will all be invited to the wedding are not all that comfortable purchasing gifts over the Internet, and will want to go in to a store that they know and feel comfortable in, look at what the bride has chosen, and make a purchase with an actual human being. Customer service, baby, that's what it's still all about. Mom and grandma don't want to tweet and twitter. They don't want to go on face book to learn about their daughter's registry. They want to shop at a real store, talk to a real human, and walk out feeling happy with their purchase.
Bonus if they get to talk to someone their age ! WAKE UP CORPORATE AMERICA.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
movies to grieve by !
Feeling pretty depressed and unloved today. I am not sure why! Perhaps it is because my son is here to "see me" but is really out all day with his cousin.... he just needed my car apparantly ! He left this morning while I was at jazzercise and has been out all day. I hate being housebound. After all the laundry and cleaning is done, and I finished my book, I didn't know what to do with myself. Decided to take a walk and found myself at the cemetary talking to my husband's grave. Not exactly a cure for depression. I did thank Todd for loving me for all those years, and that felt good.
I thought maybe I would go bug Mr. Blind for a while, because I didn't get to spend time with him yesterday since my son was here, but he is busy watching a "Breaking Bad" marathon. So, I'm not as important to him as a tv program ? Not a good sign !
Instead of having a good time going out, I am sitting home watching Bridget Jones' Diary, which is not a good thing to watch if you are feeling sorry for yourself. The whole opening scene with Bridget lip-synching "all by myself" was way too familiar. Besides, it made me want a drink quite badly ! Okay, I did pour myself a glass of wine, but it was after 5:00. Quite a good glass of wine in fact; Overture, which was luckily left here after the party my sister threw last week at my house for her husband and her friends. Amazingly, Overture red wine goes quite well with pumpernickel pretzel sticks and pub cheese, but don't tell the wine maker. I am sure he would be appalled with that pairing !
What other movies shall I watch, to put myself into a depression coma? How about Steel Magnolias. That's a real tear jerker. Maybe Love Story ? or Philadelphia ? I've never seen Dr. Zhivago, but that's depressing too, isn't it ? I could really work myself into a nice puddle of depression if I can download them all on the instant netflix queue !
I thought maybe I would go bug Mr. Blind for a while, because I didn't get to spend time with him yesterday since my son was here, but he is busy watching a "Breaking Bad" marathon. So, I'm not as important to him as a tv program ? Not a good sign !
Instead of having a good time going out, I am sitting home watching Bridget Jones' Diary, which is not a good thing to watch if you are feeling sorry for yourself. The whole opening scene with Bridget lip-synching "all by myself" was way too familiar. Besides, it made me want a drink quite badly ! Okay, I did pour myself a glass of wine, but it was after 5:00. Quite a good glass of wine in fact; Overture, which was luckily left here after the party my sister threw last week at my house for her husband and her friends. Amazingly, Overture red wine goes quite well with pumpernickel pretzel sticks and pub cheese, but don't tell the wine maker. I am sure he would be appalled with that pairing !
What other movies shall I watch, to put myself into a depression coma? How about Steel Magnolias. That's a real tear jerker. Maybe Love Story ? or Philadelphia ? I've never seen Dr. Zhivago, but that's depressing too, isn't it ? I could really work myself into a nice puddle of depression if I can download them all on the instant netflix queue !
Friday, September 17, 2010
International
We've gone International ! I received a comment from Linda in Canada, letting me know that she reads and likes my blog. THANK YOU LINDA. It is GREAT to hear from you, and I am so happy you are enjoying reading my blog. It is really fun to know that someone outside of my circle is reading this. HOORAY. TELL YOUR FRIENDS !
Weekend best wishes,
Domini
Weekend best wishes,
Domini
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Identity & Underwear Theft
It seems as though there are a few too many bloggers using the title "Dom's life" in some way, shape or form. Of course when you put Dom's-life in google search, using the hyphen, mine comes up first...... but I was surprised to see how many others there were. So with that in mind, I am thinking of changing then name of my blog.
What comes to mind initially is Widow Speak ( kind of a play on words for widow's peak) but I don't know. Any thoughts ? Please chime in with your name suggestions.
It's been a long time since I have blogged, because I have once again been accused of "sharing too much" and told to just "keep things to myself" from various and sundry people..... okay, mostly from my mom and she doesn't even read my blog, but somehow every time I type I hear her voice in my head ! How is it that my own kids don't listen to a damn thing I say, but I, at almost 50-years-old, still hear my mother's voice in my head telling me what to do... and I listen ! CRAZY.
Let's see, what is there to share. Oh, I know, there was a BONFIRE ! No it was not a "before the big game" bonfire where everyone is wrapped in blankets and drinking out of a flask, cheering for their team. It was not a romantic evening on the beach bonfire. It was not even a burn day, as far as I know. What it was is a ritualistic burning of Mr. Blind's underwear, and no, I didn't do it in a fit of rage. I didn't do it at all, though it would be a really good revenge tactic. The firebug, who is definitely NOT on Smokey the Bear's friends list right now, was my son.
It all started because we, ( my son and myself ) got in an argument about underwear. You would think I would know better after all of these years than to get in arguments with my childen, but old habits are hard to break. You would also think that when he comes here, unannounced, for the weekend, he would know to
bring the same number of underpants as the number of days he is staying. It's not rocket science. One clean pair a day should do it. Instead it is the incredulous voice asking me why, even though he doesn't live here anymore, I don't have clean underwear for him in his drawers for when he comes home. What kind of mother am I that I don't have a shrine erected in his room, complete with every convenience item he may need ? And like an idiot I feel badly and go to the store to get underwear for him ! And like an idot I get the wrong size ( clearly the store should NOT put children's underwear in the grown up section without labeling it as such), and that causes a whole other round of shouting. Back to the store I go, but while I am gone my son decides to go through my drawers, I guess looking for his father's underwear to put on. Mind you, my husband has been dead for a year and a half. I do not still have his underwear in the drawers, because I, as previously noted, do not keep an underwear shrine in my house to those not in attendance ! AHHHH, but he did find men's underwear in the drawer....the underwear of Mr. Blind !
Let me tell you, my son TOTALLY FLIPPED OUT and when I got home from my second round of shopping, this time with the correct size and style of boxers firmly in my grip, there was a fire in the BBQ and the delightful smell of clothing burning. He was very eager to show me that he had taken the underwear, socks and sleep shirts out of the drawer in my room, and they were now ashes.
How is one supposed to react when they see their child, with a manic look in his eye and a cheshire cat smile on his face, standing over a bbq cooking one's boyfriend's clothing ?
I can totally understand that he was shocked to find the undergarments in my house, as he is not aware that Mr. Blind stays here overnight sometimes, but the reaction is a bit severe and in fact, quite crazy. I was so astounded that he would do something like that, I just couldn't wrap my head around it. And it's not because he doesn't like Mr. Blind because he has only met him once and refused to speak to him. My son just doesn't like the idea that I am dating ANYONE at all. I burst into tears and left the house to the firebug. I couldn't even yell at him I was so astounded.
Where did I go ? To Mr. Blind's but I couldn't tell him what my son had done, because that would hurt him too badly and because I didn't really know how to explain it. However, the next day when Mr. Blind came over and none of his clothes were there, I did have to tell him that they got destroyed. The look on his face was so forlorn and incredulous. He was actually speechless until the next day when he said that he really had to think about things and see if he could continue with this relationship.
Quite frankly, if it were me, I would have dumped me right then. No one should have to go through what my son did to him. I wouldn't have blamed him if he walked away and found some lucky, lucky woman who chose not to reproduce. I was wishing I was from a species who ate their young.
Astonishingly, he decided to stick around and we have been together every day ever since. It is getting kind of serious. Somehow I have to figure out a way to get my kids on board with this idea of me dating just one person.......... any thoughts on this would be appreciated as well. It's never easy, is it ?
What comes to mind initially is Widow Speak ( kind of a play on words for widow's peak) but I don't know. Any thoughts ? Please chime in with your name suggestions.
It's been a long time since I have blogged, because I have once again been accused of "sharing too much" and told to just "keep things to myself" from various and sundry people..... okay, mostly from my mom and she doesn't even read my blog, but somehow every time I type I hear her voice in my head ! How is it that my own kids don't listen to a damn thing I say, but I, at almost 50-years-old, still hear my mother's voice in my head telling me what to do... and I listen ! CRAZY.
Let's see, what is there to share. Oh, I know, there was a BONFIRE ! No it was not a "before the big game" bonfire where everyone is wrapped in blankets and drinking out of a flask, cheering for their team. It was not a romantic evening on the beach bonfire. It was not even a burn day, as far as I know. What it was is a ritualistic burning of Mr. Blind's underwear, and no, I didn't do it in a fit of rage. I didn't do it at all, though it would be a really good revenge tactic. The firebug, who is definitely NOT on Smokey the Bear's friends list right now, was my son.
It all started because we, ( my son and myself ) got in an argument about underwear. You would think I would know better after all of these years than to get in arguments with my childen, but old habits are hard to break. You would also think that when he comes here, unannounced, for the weekend, he would know to
bring the same number of underpants as the number of days he is staying. It's not rocket science. One clean pair a day should do it. Instead it is the incredulous voice asking me why, even though he doesn't live here anymore, I don't have clean underwear for him in his drawers for when he comes home. What kind of mother am I that I don't have a shrine erected in his room, complete with every convenience item he may need ? And like an idiot I feel badly and go to the store to get underwear for him ! And like an idot I get the wrong size ( clearly the store should NOT put children's underwear in the grown up section without labeling it as such), and that causes a whole other round of shouting. Back to the store I go, but while I am gone my son decides to go through my drawers, I guess looking for his father's underwear to put on. Mind you, my husband has been dead for a year and a half. I do not still have his underwear in the drawers, because I, as previously noted, do not keep an underwear shrine in my house to those not in attendance ! AHHHH, but he did find men's underwear in the drawer....the underwear of Mr. Blind !
Let me tell you, my son TOTALLY FLIPPED OUT and when I got home from my second round of shopping, this time with the correct size and style of boxers firmly in my grip, there was a fire in the BBQ and the delightful smell of clothing burning. He was very eager to show me that he had taken the underwear, socks and sleep shirts out of the drawer in my room, and they were now ashes.
How is one supposed to react when they see their child, with a manic look in his eye and a cheshire cat smile on his face, standing over a bbq cooking one's boyfriend's clothing ?
I can totally understand that he was shocked to find the undergarments in my house, as he is not aware that Mr. Blind stays here overnight sometimes, but the reaction is a bit severe and in fact, quite crazy. I was so astounded that he would do something like that, I just couldn't wrap my head around it. And it's not because he doesn't like Mr. Blind because he has only met him once and refused to speak to him. My son just doesn't like the idea that I am dating ANYONE at all. I burst into tears and left the house to the firebug. I couldn't even yell at him I was so astounded.
Where did I go ? To Mr. Blind's but I couldn't tell him what my son had done, because that would hurt him too badly and because I didn't really know how to explain it. However, the next day when Mr. Blind came over and none of his clothes were there, I did have to tell him that they got destroyed. The look on his face was so forlorn and incredulous. He was actually speechless until the next day when he said that he really had to think about things and see if he could continue with this relationship.
Quite frankly, if it were me, I would have dumped me right then. No one should have to go through what my son did to him. I wouldn't have blamed him if he walked away and found some lucky, lucky woman who chose not to reproduce. I was wishing I was from a species who ate their young.
Astonishingly, he decided to stick around and we have been together every day ever since. It is getting kind of serious. Somehow I have to figure out a way to get my kids on board with this idea of me dating just one person.......... any thoughts on this would be appreciated as well. It's never easy, is it ?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
A weekend away !
I walked by a truck parked across the street from my house yesterday and it had a sign on it advertising it's assorted "handyman" services, everything from "Computer Repair" to "Plumbing" and "Pest Erradication." If there had been anyone in the driver's seat I think I would have gone up to them and proposed marriage. ( man or woman, it's legal now in California !). I mean, seriously, I could have a mate who can fix my computer, fix my plumbing and get rid of rats !!!! What more could I ask for..... anything else I could find or pay for on my own.
Now on to the topic of the day - a weekend away. Mr. Blind and I have been dating for five months now, and I think it is time we spent the weekend together. I suggested this to Mr. Blind a few weeks ago, but he didn't seem too excited about it.
He told me it was because he had to see his ex-wife in court this Friday and would probably be in a really bad mood, which I understand, but what better way to either celebrate a court victory or to lick your wounds than a weekend away with me !
Today I decided that I needed a break, and was going away with or without him. I have been totally stressing out lately because of money problems, job problems, kid problems, etc. and finally cracked and screamed at some lady in the fairgrounds parking lot yesterday morning. Okay, she deserved it because she made a smart ass comment to me, but I really shouldn't have ripped her a new a**hole. It wasn't very ladylike of me. When something like that happens it usually means I have had too much coffee or I am totally stressed, and I hadn't had any coffee yet that day -- BREAK TIME !~ Today I called a beautiful hotel overlooking the Sonoma coast and hooray, they had a cancellation and had one room available for the weekend. I booked it. I had to. It was obviously meant to be ! I texted Mr. Blind and told him I had booked the room and that I hoped he would join me, but even if he didn't join me, I was going by myself to be by the ocean and get my head together. He said he will join me for one day, but probably not two because he may have to work. Is that like the safety call ? Does saying you "might have to work" give you an excuse to get away if you don't like spending 24hours in a row with someone ? It will be interesting to see what happens ! I will be happy with whatever because I wil be near the ocean, which always makes me feel rejuvenated. And the room is on a cliff, so if things get really bad, I could jump ! I am an awesome swimmer !
My question is, why the hesitation ? We spend an awful lot of time together, either at his house or mine. We haven't spent a whole weekend together yet because my kids are always showing up, so I thought the idea of a weekend away without the possibility of the kids dropping by would be ideal. Is it too soon in the relationship? Is there some dating timeline that I don't know about ? Is this something that you're not supposed to do until the 6 month mark or later ?
If you know something I don't know, do tell !
Now on to the topic of the day - a weekend away. Mr. Blind and I have been dating for five months now, and I think it is time we spent the weekend together. I suggested this to Mr. Blind a few weeks ago, but he didn't seem too excited about it.
He told me it was because he had to see his ex-wife in court this Friday and would probably be in a really bad mood, which I understand, but what better way to either celebrate a court victory or to lick your wounds than a weekend away with me !
Today I decided that I needed a break, and was going away with or without him. I have been totally stressing out lately because of money problems, job problems, kid problems, etc. and finally cracked and screamed at some lady in the fairgrounds parking lot yesterday morning. Okay, she deserved it because she made a smart ass comment to me, but I really shouldn't have ripped her a new a**hole. It wasn't very ladylike of me. When something like that happens it usually means I have had too much coffee or I am totally stressed, and I hadn't had any coffee yet that day -- BREAK TIME !~ Today I called a beautiful hotel overlooking the Sonoma coast and hooray, they had a cancellation and had one room available for the weekend. I booked it. I had to. It was obviously meant to be ! I texted Mr. Blind and told him I had booked the room and that I hoped he would join me, but even if he didn't join me, I was going by myself to be by the ocean and get my head together. He said he will join me for one day, but probably not two because he may have to work. Is that like the safety call ? Does saying you "might have to work" give you an excuse to get away if you don't like spending 24hours in a row with someone ? It will be interesting to see what happens ! I will be happy with whatever because I wil be near the ocean, which always makes me feel rejuvenated. And the room is on a cliff, so if things get really bad, I could jump ! I am an awesome swimmer !
My question is, why the hesitation ? We spend an awful lot of time together, either at his house or mine. We haven't spent a whole weekend together yet because my kids are always showing up, so I thought the idea of a weekend away without the possibility of the kids dropping by would be ideal. Is it too soon in the relationship? Is there some dating timeline that I don't know about ? Is this something that you're not supposed to do until the 6 month mark or later ?
If you know something I don't know, do tell !
Monday, August 2, 2010
A drawer in his house ?
While Mr. Blind has had a drawer in my house for quite some time now, I haven't felt comfortable leaving anything at his apartment..... nor has he suggested that I leave anything there except a toothbrush that was his from the dentist to begin with.
We were having a bit of a conversation last week because my kids were sticking their noses in my business a little too much again, and insisting I make a choice between them and Mr. Blind. Of course the kids come first, but I have no intention of making a choice between them. I listened to what my kids had to say, and then tried to explain my feelings/decisions to Mr. Blind. Those decisions included not being with him when my children come to visit. The problem is that even though I have rented them a beautiful apartment in the city, they constantly drop by home and decide, on the spur of the moment, to stay a day, two days, or even a week. If I am going to abide by their wishes I have to cancel plans with Mr. Blind whenever they drop by. I realize this is not fair to Mr. Blind, nor is it fair to me, but these kids have lost their father and now they are feeling like they are losing their mother. It is a really tough circumstance, which they are playing to the hilt!
Mr. Blind is concerned my kids are going to resent him....... OF COURSE THEY ARE ! He is the first person their mother has dated after their father's death. How could they not resent him ? I tried to consider everyone's feelings and told Mr. Blind that I would listen to how my kids felt and would abide by their wishes part of the time, but if I was going to let anyone screw up the relationship between Mr. Blind and me, it would be me ( or him), not my kids. He agreed to stick it out and see what happened.
So imagine my surprise last weekend when I did agree to a sleep over, only to find that he had used my toothbrush to clean his electronic gear. I guess he figured I wasn't sleeping over anymore, so he could put my toothbrush to better use. It really ticked me off, and it embarrassed him when I, ummmmm, shall we say "commented" on it !
Next thing I know he is finding me a new toothbrush, and suggesting that I leave pajamas at his apartment so that I feel more at home there. Only problem is he doesn't have an extra drawer, so I left my pajamas on the top of his dresser. If his landlord comes in, he's gonna think Mr. Blind is a cross dresser ! Ha Ha Ha.
We were having a bit of a conversation last week because my kids were sticking their noses in my business a little too much again, and insisting I make a choice between them and Mr. Blind. Of course the kids come first, but I have no intention of making a choice between them. I listened to what my kids had to say, and then tried to explain my feelings/decisions to Mr. Blind. Those decisions included not being with him when my children come to visit. The problem is that even though I have rented them a beautiful apartment in the city, they constantly drop by home and decide, on the spur of the moment, to stay a day, two days, or even a week. If I am going to abide by their wishes I have to cancel plans with Mr. Blind whenever they drop by. I realize this is not fair to Mr. Blind, nor is it fair to me, but these kids have lost their father and now they are feeling like they are losing their mother. It is a really tough circumstance, which they are playing to the hilt!
Mr. Blind is concerned my kids are going to resent him....... OF COURSE THEY ARE ! He is the first person their mother has dated after their father's death. How could they not resent him ? I tried to consider everyone's feelings and told Mr. Blind that I would listen to how my kids felt and would abide by their wishes part of the time, but if I was going to let anyone screw up the relationship between Mr. Blind and me, it would be me ( or him), not my kids. He agreed to stick it out and see what happened.
So imagine my surprise last weekend when I did agree to a sleep over, only to find that he had used my toothbrush to clean his electronic gear. I guess he figured I wasn't sleeping over anymore, so he could put my toothbrush to better use. It really ticked me off, and it embarrassed him when I, ummmmm, shall we say "commented" on it !
Next thing I know he is finding me a new toothbrush, and suggesting that I leave pajamas at his apartment so that I feel more at home there. Only problem is he doesn't have an extra drawer, so I left my pajamas on the top of his dresser. If his landlord comes in, he's gonna think Mr. Blind is a cross dresser ! Ha Ha Ha.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Does this smell like chloroform?
I was reading an article today, "28 sexy things to try in bed" from Redbook magazine, and was honestly very surprised at how mundane and seemingly obvious the sexy things were. It suggested things like sleeping in the buff, getting sexy underwear, playing dress up, and going out on a date. Um, old news. Doesn't everybody already know about this stuff ? Okay, granted, I did not know there was a website where you could get a Swarovski crystal stick-on tattoo for "down there " ( ouch !), but everything else was pretty boring. For this I spent $3.99 ?
One of the tips was being well groomed. Do people think it's okay to NOT be well groomed ? Is that one of the first things that goes ? Grooming tips are easy. 1) Deodorant and shampoo are your friends. 2) Nose hairs are NOT a good thing. 3) No one, man or woman, over 40-years-old show have a ponytail. 4) Moisturize ! This goes for men and women. Scaly skin is a turn off.
5) women, I don't care how "green" you are, razors are your friends. Leg hair and underarm hair are NOT sexy. Yes, I believe in evolution but nobody wants to f### a monkey !
You would think all of this would be obvious, but I guess not since magazines are still writing articles about it and people ( like me ) are still suckered into buying the magazine !
Maybe they should write articles about the top 28 pick up lines instead. My favorite ..... a man holds a napkin/handkerchief up to a woman's face and says "does this smell like chloroform?" Okay, it's funny because if someone holds something up to your face, and asks you to smell it, you usually do. It is almost an instinctual reaction. You sniff without even realizing it. Besides, it's hilarious ! How desperate do you have to be to actually chloroform your date ?
Which leads us to relationship advice. 1) Don't really chloroform your date, or slip drugs in her drink, etc. That's not funny. The rest of my advice is what I need to listen to myself.......2) pay attention when your partner speaks and try to remember what he says. It is important to anyone to feel valued and listened to. 3) Don't let your kids get in the way of your relationship! Don't let it get to a point where it is him/her or the kids. There will be nothing but regret and resentfulness no matter what you choose.
One of the tips was being well groomed. Do people think it's okay to NOT be well groomed ? Is that one of the first things that goes ? Grooming tips are easy. 1) Deodorant and shampoo are your friends. 2) Nose hairs are NOT a good thing. 3) No one, man or woman, over 40-years-old show have a ponytail. 4) Moisturize ! This goes for men and women. Scaly skin is a turn off.
5) women, I don't care how "green" you are, razors are your friends. Leg hair and underarm hair are NOT sexy. Yes, I believe in evolution but nobody wants to f### a monkey !
You would think all of this would be obvious, but I guess not since magazines are still writing articles about it and people ( like me ) are still suckered into buying the magazine !
Maybe they should write articles about the top 28 pick up lines instead. My favorite ..... a man holds a napkin/handkerchief up to a woman's face and says "does this smell like chloroform?" Okay, it's funny because if someone holds something up to your face, and asks you to smell it, you usually do. It is almost an instinctual reaction. You sniff without even realizing it. Besides, it's hilarious ! How desperate do you have to be to actually chloroform your date ?
Which leads us to relationship advice. 1) Don't really chloroform your date, or slip drugs in her drink, etc. That's not funny. The rest of my advice is what I need to listen to myself.......2) pay attention when your partner speaks and try to remember what he says. It is important to anyone to feel valued and listened to. 3) Don't let your kids get in the way of your relationship! Don't let it get to a point where it is him/her or the kids. There will be nothing but regret and resentfulness no matter what you choose.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Starting a new life, one step at a time !
I just got back from my first job interview in over 20 years. This is all part of the reinventing process that I think I need. Was the interview successful ? I doubt it. I have the sales skills needed. I have the industry knowledge. I have written press releases for events and activities 'til I was blue in the face. Do I have any of them still ? Hell no. That was years ago. Who knew I'd ever need those things again ! Writing is a skill like riding a bike. Even if you don't do it for a few years, you still know If I had an iphone I could twitter like a frickin' bird. But that's not the type of thing someone wants to hear in an interview. They want me to show them an ecommerce page I have designed and to show them how much e-tracking I did and how much e-sales. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! I am trying to be hip and now, but I am afraid I am behind the times! I was supposed to be preparing for retirement at this stage of my life, once college was all paid for. Now I am looking at at least 25 more years of work, and I don't know how to twitter. I'm a veritable dinosaur !
So while I'm inhaling a bag of tortilla chips.... my "go to food" for battling depression and frustration...... Mr. Blind texts to ask me how the interview went. Good thing he didn't telephone, because if he heard the crunching he would know I was putting myself into a chip coma. I told him I looked nice, but I didn't think I was what they were looking for in the job.
His response, "Well I'm sure if they have anything better suited they'll give you a call."
It's the absolute perfect response. Kind without being condescending. Ego bolstering but understanding at the same time. How can someone who says he suffers from depression be so wonderful at being positive and at making others feel good about themselves ? And where do I get a prescription !
So while I'm inhaling a bag of tortilla chips.... my "go to food" for battling depression and frustration...... Mr. Blind texts to ask me how the interview went. Good thing he didn't telephone, because if he heard the crunching he would know I was putting myself into a chip coma. I told him I looked nice, but I didn't think I was what they were looking for in the job.
His response, "Well I'm sure if they have anything better suited they'll give you a call."
It's the absolute perfect response. Kind without being condescending. Ego bolstering but understanding at the same time. How can someone who says he suffers from depression be so wonderful at being positive and at making others feel good about themselves ? And where do I get a prescription !
Friday, July 16, 2010
Rescue me
Do men ever feel like they just want someone to rescue them ? I wonder.
I know when I get totally stressed, or my finances and/or client list looks bleak, I find myself dreaming of having someone ride up in a white Ferrari and rescue me. What would a rescue consist of ? I wouldn't ask for much..... money would be nice, and a fabulous vacation would be really nice. Then perhaps a life in a beautiful farmhouse with lots of land, very few animals to take care of, and lots of room and funding to throw beautiful parties for all of our friends.
I just wonder if men hope for a rich, beautiful woman to dash in to their lives and rescue them from their daily existence and worries. You never hear of the princess riding up on the white horse to rescue the handsome prince.
My thoughts lately have been on how I want to spend the second half of my life.
I do have some friends ( and family ) who are still suggesting that I find someone wealthy who will take care of me -- okay, where is the store where you go to pick up wealthy men ? I am sure it's not as easy as they think it is, or every bimbo would be shopping there.
I would rather have everything I ever wanted because I earned it, but have I set my life up for that ? When I was a magazine editor I loved my life. I loved being on deadline. I loved interviewing people and writing articles. I loved having a staff and always having something to accomplish. It was a terrific job, but the long hours spent at the office when the deadlines hit were not suited to raising young children. So, the decision was made that I would work in sales in a smaller company and set my own hours, so that I could be with the kids. This worked beautifully because I was able to have a job and go to all the kid stuff, and it worked when Todd was sick as well because I could make it to most of his doctor's appointments...... but now there is no one needing me. There i s just me, sitting at the kitchen table with my telephone and my computer, talking to clients and trying to convince them to buy printing. I don't think it is enough to mentally sustain me for the next 25 years. Not to mention the lovely invention called Kindle, which is killing the book printing industry !
What do I do with this new found self knowledge ? How do I embark on a new career when I am nearly fifty years old, and when the job market is the worst it has been since the depression?
Is it like sales where it is a numbers game, and every day I when I am done sending out the bulk mailing fishing for perspective customers, I should send out ten resumes as well ?
The deal was that I would put my magazine career on hold, work in a setting that was better for raising a family, and now, with only two more years of college to pay for, my husband and I would be planning vacations, going out to dinner, and enjoying our lives together as empty nesters. Instead I am here alone, not knowing what tomorrow will bring, but knowing that I will have to work for at least another twenty years before I retire. It is a very rude awakening. This princess is going to have to open her eyes and figure out a way to rescue herself.
I know when I get totally stressed, or my finances and/or client list looks bleak, I find myself dreaming of having someone ride up in a white Ferrari and rescue me. What would a rescue consist of ? I wouldn't ask for much..... money would be nice, and a fabulous vacation would be really nice. Then perhaps a life in a beautiful farmhouse with lots of land, very few animals to take care of, and lots of room and funding to throw beautiful parties for all of our friends.
I just wonder if men hope for a rich, beautiful woman to dash in to their lives and rescue them from their daily existence and worries. You never hear of the princess riding up on the white horse to rescue the handsome prince.
My thoughts lately have been on how I want to spend the second half of my life.
I do have some friends ( and family ) who are still suggesting that I find someone wealthy who will take care of me -- okay, where is the store where you go to pick up wealthy men ? I am sure it's not as easy as they think it is, or every bimbo would be shopping there.
I would rather have everything I ever wanted because I earned it, but have I set my life up for that ? When I was a magazine editor I loved my life. I loved being on deadline. I loved interviewing people and writing articles. I loved having a staff and always having something to accomplish. It was a terrific job, but the long hours spent at the office when the deadlines hit were not suited to raising young children. So, the decision was made that I would work in sales in a smaller company and set my own hours, so that I could be with the kids. This worked beautifully because I was able to have a job and go to all the kid stuff, and it worked when Todd was sick as well because I could make it to most of his doctor's appointments...... but now there is no one needing me. There i s just me, sitting at the kitchen table with my telephone and my computer, talking to clients and trying to convince them to buy printing. I don't think it is enough to mentally sustain me for the next 25 years. Not to mention the lovely invention called Kindle, which is killing the book printing industry !
What do I do with this new found self knowledge ? How do I embark on a new career when I am nearly fifty years old, and when the job market is the worst it has been since the depression?
Is it like sales where it is a numbers game, and every day I when I am done sending out the bulk mailing fishing for perspective customers, I should send out ten resumes as well ?
The deal was that I would put my magazine career on hold, work in a setting that was better for raising a family, and now, with only two more years of college to pay for, my husband and I would be planning vacations, going out to dinner, and enjoying our lives together as empty nesters. Instead I am here alone, not knowing what tomorrow will bring, but knowing that I will have to work for at least another twenty years before I retire. It is a very rude awakening. This princess is going to have to open her eyes and figure out a way to rescue herself.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Temperature's rising
If I were the manufacturer of air conditioners, I would focus my advertising on women my age... and older. That would be my target market, because let's face it, it is like living in hell to have night sweats and hot flashes when the temperature reaches the high nineties, and you don't have air conditioning. In fact, I am going to buy one of those old fashioned in window air conditioners today because sleep is just not happening. A lady at jazzercise told me that when she went through "the change" she didn't sleep for eight years ! I didn't sleep for the years Todd was sick. Then I didn't sleep for another year because I was so sad and lonely. Now I am finally sleeping and I am going to have hot flashes waking me up for the next eight years? I don't think so. I would put a hammock up outside, but that's a little too Gilligan, don't you think? Besides, aren't most hammocks built for one ? Where would the dog sleep -- ha ha ha !
So the wedding of Todd's niece was yesterday, and it was lovely and very much like a fairy tale. The bride looked exactly like a princess. The groom is from Italy and speaks with an accent, so he was like a beautiful foreign prince. I was holding my other niece's 7 week old baby through most of the ceremony. He was gorgeous, but was very warm like most infants tend to be. It was hotter than heck in the room where the ceremony took place. I had worn a very cool yet elegant halter dress, and could actually feel the sweat dripping down my sides during the ceremony. So disgusting ! Not my fairy tale ! My son Max walked the bride's mother down the aisle, and he looked so much like Todd that I started crying. Then I looked behind me at Todd's dad's lady friend and she was crying. Then I looked across the aisle and my mom and dad and sister were crying. Apparently my niece Jennifer was crying too. It was all a bit overwhelming, but I am glad the wedding went so beautifully and it was amazing to see the love the bride and groom have for each other. It was like they were the only two people in the room. To be young and in love is a wonderful thing.
Speaking of love, my Mr. Blind is very reticent about saying anything other than that he is very fond of me. I have told him I love him, but that I am not in love with him. He doesn't seem to understand the difference, and both scare the heck out of him. He was invited to the rehearsal dinner ( we decided it was inappropriate for him to go to Todd's family wedding), but at the last minute he texted me to say he wasn't going to come. So, I had to go to the rehearsal dinner by myself. Because I didn't have a "plus one" I was seated at the kids table with my nieces, their friends, their 2 1/2 year old, and the family maid. I love my nieces and was happy to spend time with them, but it was a little bit weird..... especially when we had to beg that the food be passed to our table ! My blind texted me to apologize for not coming with me, and asked me if I was angry with him. I wasn't angry with him, but was in fact angry with me because I was so disappointed, because I have spent way too much time going to stuff alone, and because I actually wasted tears crying when he I got his text that he wasn't coming with me. I swore when Todd died that I would never cry over a man again. I was not angry at Mr. Blind.... I was disappointed in him and in his decision. We talked about it the next day, and he was a little shaken up when I told him that I have decided not to care about anyone anymore. I will just take life as it happens and not get my feelings involved. He said that won't work for me because I am a caring person and am not jaded enough to just switch that caring off. I guess he is right, but I am going to be a little more cautious about this relationship than I was being previously.
He did say that spending the evening feeling badly about not being with me made him realize how much he cares for me. I'm not sure I understand that, but somewhere in the male psyche that must make sense. It is interesting when dating someone new, when you take stock to look at what you want from a relationship. It may be what your plus one wants as well, or your intent may not be the same at all. That's a conversation I think I might be leading towards with Mr. Blind, but I am not sure we are there yet. What do I want ? Actually, not much. I want someone to talk with, someone to laugh with, someone who will give me a hug when I need a hug.... maybe without my even asking. I don't need anything long term. I just want someone to want to be with me.
So the wedding of Todd's niece was yesterday, and it was lovely and very much like a fairy tale. The bride looked exactly like a princess. The groom is from Italy and speaks with an accent, so he was like a beautiful foreign prince. I was holding my other niece's 7 week old baby through most of the ceremony. He was gorgeous, but was very warm like most infants tend to be. It was hotter than heck in the room where the ceremony took place. I had worn a very cool yet elegant halter dress, and could actually feel the sweat dripping down my sides during the ceremony. So disgusting ! Not my fairy tale ! My son Max walked the bride's mother down the aisle, and he looked so much like Todd that I started crying. Then I looked behind me at Todd's dad's lady friend and she was crying. Then I looked across the aisle and my mom and dad and sister were crying. Apparently my niece Jennifer was crying too. It was all a bit overwhelming, but I am glad the wedding went so beautifully and it was amazing to see the love the bride and groom have for each other. It was like they were the only two people in the room. To be young and in love is a wonderful thing.
Speaking of love, my Mr. Blind is very reticent about saying anything other than that he is very fond of me. I have told him I love him, but that I am not in love with him. He doesn't seem to understand the difference, and both scare the heck out of him. He was invited to the rehearsal dinner ( we decided it was inappropriate for him to go to Todd's family wedding), but at the last minute he texted me to say he wasn't going to come. So, I had to go to the rehearsal dinner by myself. Because I didn't have a "plus one" I was seated at the kids table with my nieces, their friends, their 2 1/2 year old, and the family maid. I love my nieces and was happy to spend time with them, but it was a little bit weird..... especially when we had to beg that the food be passed to our table ! My blind texted me to apologize for not coming with me, and asked me if I was angry with him. I wasn't angry with him, but was in fact angry with me because I was so disappointed, because I have spent way too much time going to stuff alone, and because I actually wasted tears crying when he I got his text that he wasn't coming with me. I swore when Todd died that I would never cry over a man again. I was not angry at Mr. Blind.... I was disappointed in him and in his decision. We talked about it the next day, and he was a little shaken up when I told him that I have decided not to care about anyone anymore. I will just take life as it happens and not get my feelings involved. He said that won't work for me because I am a caring person and am not jaded enough to just switch that caring off. I guess he is right, but I am going to be a little more cautious about this relationship than I was being previously.
He did say that spending the evening feeling badly about not being with me made him realize how much he cares for me. I'm not sure I understand that, but somewhere in the male psyche that must make sense. It is interesting when dating someone new, when you take stock to look at what you want from a relationship. It may be what your plus one wants as well, or your intent may not be the same at all. That's a conversation I think I might be leading towards with Mr. Blind, but I am not sure we are there yet. What do I want ? Actually, not much. I want someone to talk with, someone to laugh with, someone who will give me a hug when I need a hug.... maybe without my even asking. I don't need anything long term. I just want someone to want to be with me.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
pick your poison
Sitting in my darkened bedroom this morning trying to stave off a migraine, I realized just how old I am getting. Really, when you were a kid your day was all about games and friends and what was on tv. As a teenager you talked to your friends about the opposite sex, gossiped about other people, talked about how stupid your teachers were.... .then it was the "getting to know you" kinds of conversations, then talking about your job, your kids, your vacation plans. Now that I am pushing 50 and the people I hang out with are the same ago or older, the talk has actually turned to aches and pains, and to surgeries and medicines. The other night at dinner it was appendectomies, who had their tonsils still, what allery medicines were the best.....I felt like I should have been in an old folks home.
How does this relate to dating over 40, which is the whole reason for my blog ? KNOW YOUR MEDICINES AND THE MEDICINES OF THOSE WHOM YOU ARE DATING.
Not exactly a conversation you want to have, but practical none the less.
For example, if you are back on birth control after a 20-year-hiatus, you may not know that if you are taking an antibiotic it makes the birth control pills less effective. I think that's important information......I know I don't want to have child at this advanced age. Do you ?
I laugh every time I think of those commercials for viagra and other male enhancement drugs that have the warning that says "if you have an erection that lasts over four hours, call a doctor." Todd used to say "hell, if I have an erection that lasts over four hours I'm calling everyone I know !" Hahahahaha.
Ladies, I know the thought of four hours of solid enjoyment is tempting, but really, in reality imagine the stamina it would involve. And if your partner is panicking and trying to get to the phone to call his doctor, and you are still trying to enjoy the ride, I think things might get a bit awkward.
My darling Mr. Blind is on medication for his depression. I know this because of all the pill bottles on the side of his nightstand, and yes, I did look up the side effects on the internet! His declaration of "this is what they give the porn stars so that they can stay erect longer" needed internet confirmation ! (God, men are wierd. Do they not know that sometimes it would be better to just not say anything at all ?) So a few weeks ago things were not going so well with Mr. Blind. He was just not that into me, was cancelling dates, etc. I thought he was trying to break up with me....and I was trying hard not to care because I am not sure I could go through that again, and it would also make my mother right who says I should date lots of people and avoid a broken heart again ! Anyway, I finally demanded an explanation, and guess what ? He had stopped taking his anti-depression medicine because he felt so happy all the time because of our relationship. Now as flattering as that is, it is not exactly the way you are supposed to handle long-term medications, and, if I hadn't asked what the heck was going on, I would never have known that his funk was caused by his self-diagnosed going cold turkey on his medicines. Now that he has started taking them again we are back to our happy selves, and things are working out well. Also I now know two important things.... 1) he is happy with our relationship, and 2) he does want to try to get off the medication at some point. I can help him with this by urging him to get the advice of his doctor, because last time I looked, neither he nor I had a medical degree.
At a recent get together I learned from a wonderful lady we'll call Louise.... that's not her real name but she does get called this accidentally quite often for some odd reason ..... she doesn't look like a Louise...... anyway, I digress.....I heard from Louise that after ten years on match.com she has finally found someone to date. Can you believe anyone would pay the monthly fee on a dating site for ten years without any good matches, and still continue with the site? Hope springs eternal. Anyway, Louise has found her match. I offered her my "know his medications" advice, as he is in his late 70s and I am sure must take a pill or two. She thought I was talking about viagra and sex and said "I don't even know if he can do that anymore. I don't really care, either." Okay, there is so much I don't understand in that sentence! And if she doesn't care about that, why is that the first place her mind went when I mentioned medications ? I thought I was offering her good advice. My God, he could be on heart pills, he could be taking something for alzheimers, he could be taking hormones because he used to be a woman. Who knows ! I am not condoning snooping around in someone's medicine chest..... but I am saying, if the person you are sharing your life with pops a pill in front of you, ask what it is. Once you get the clinical name, look it up on the internet. Knowledge is power !
How does this relate to dating over 40, which is the whole reason for my blog ? KNOW YOUR MEDICINES AND THE MEDICINES OF THOSE WHOM YOU ARE DATING.
Not exactly a conversation you want to have, but practical none the less.
For example, if you are back on birth control after a 20-year-hiatus, you may not know that if you are taking an antibiotic it makes the birth control pills less effective. I think that's important information......I know I don't want to have child at this advanced age. Do you ?
I laugh every time I think of those commercials for viagra and other male enhancement drugs that have the warning that says "if you have an erection that lasts over four hours, call a doctor." Todd used to say "hell, if I have an erection that lasts over four hours I'm calling everyone I know !" Hahahahaha.
Ladies, I know the thought of four hours of solid enjoyment is tempting, but really, in reality imagine the stamina it would involve. And if your partner is panicking and trying to get to the phone to call his doctor, and you are still trying to enjoy the ride, I think things might get a bit awkward.
My darling Mr. Blind is on medication for his depression. I know this because of all the pill bottles on the side of his nightstand, and yes, I did look up the side effects on the internet! His declaration of "this is what they give the porn stars so that they can stay erect longer" needed internet confirmation ! (God, men are wierd. Do they not know that sometimes it would be better to just not say anything at all ?) So a few weeks ago things were not going so well with Mr. Blind. He was just not that into me, was cancelling dates, etc. I thought he was trying to break up with me....and I was trying hard not to care because I am not sure I could go through that again, and it would also make my mother right who says I should date lots of people and avoid a broken heart again ! Anyway, I finally demanded an explanation, and guess what ? He had stopped taking his anti-depression medicine because he felt so happy all the time because of our relationship. Now as flattering as that is, it is not exactly the way you are supposed to handle long-term medications, and, if I hadn't asked what the heck was going on, I would never have known that his funk was caused by his self-diagnosed going cold turkey on his medicines. Now that he has started taking them again we are back to our happy selves, and things are working out well. Also I now know two important things.... 1) he is happy with our relationship, and 2) he does want to try to get off the medication at some point. I can help him with this by urging him to get the advice of his doctor, because last time I looked, neither he nor I had a medical degree.
At a recent get together I learned from a wonderful lady we'll call Louise.... that's not her real name but she does get called this accidentally quite often for some odd reason ..... she doesn't look like a Louise...... anyway, I digress.....I heard from Louise that after ten years on match.com she has finally found someone to date. Can you believe anyone would pay the monthly fee on a dating site for ten years without any good matches, and still continue with the site? Hope springs eternal. Anyway, Louise has found her match. I offered her my "know his medications" advice, as he is in his late 70s and I am sure must take a pill or two. She thought I was talking about viagra and sex and said "I don't even know if he can do that anymore. I don't really care, either." Okay, there is so much I don't understand in that sentence! And if she doesn't care about that, why is that the first place her mind went when I mentioned medications ? I thought I was offering her good advice. My God, he could be on heart pills, he could be taking something for alzheimers, he could be taking hormones because he used to be a woman. Who knows ! I am not condoning snooping around in someone's medicine chest..... but I am saying, if the person you are sharing your life with pops a pill in front of you, ask what it is. Once you get the clinical name, look it up on the internet. Knowledge is power !
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
One person, two lives
Sometimes I feel like I am living two separate lives. Today is my late husband, Todd's birthday.
He would have been 51-years-old today. I woke up today in Mr. Blind's bed.
Last night, when Mr. Blind asked me to come over, I thought long and hard about telling him no, I couldn't do that because I needed to wake up in my own bed this morning since it was Todd's birthday. However, I decided that I would go over the Mr. Blind's house anyway, and just maybe not spend the night. At 3a.m., when I woke up in Mr. Blind's bed, I again thought about leaving and heading home. But you know what, it would not have made one bit of difference if I were at home or elsewhere. It is still Todd's birthday. I still miss him terribly and wish he was still here. I wish we were celebrating with chocolate cake and champagne but the truth is, that is not going to happen. I can celebrate Todd in my heart and in my mind, but I can no longer celebrate with him in person. So I went back to sleep and in a way, a few hours later, it was comforting to wake up in the arms of someone who was happy I was with him.
My next stop was meeting my parents for 8:30a.m. mass, which was said in Todd's honor. This was the second person I became today. It is so easy to fall back in to the grieving widow role, and it is a role I will carry for the rest of my life. Every time the priest said Todd's name this morning, and when the congregation prayed for Todd and for our children, it was like someone was poking the not-yet-healed wound in my heart with a very sharp stick. The comfort of the morning disappeared and all the sadness and loss came back. I guess this is pretty normal when you lose someone, but it is really quite hard to let myself be happy with the new person in my life, when there is still so much hurt and sadness.
So, today I am going to look for the things I am most thankful for. I am extremely thankful that when I was 20-years-old I met a beautiful blonde boy on a Mexican beach, who grew to become the steady, hard-working, loving, gentle man that was my husband. I am thankful for the person he saw in me. I am thankful that he loved and cherished me all the days of his life. I am also thankful for the two greatest gifts he gave me...... my two wonderful children.
I am also extremely thankful that now, so very many years and so very many experiences later, I have found Mr. Blind who is "extremely fond" of me and who I am enjoying spending time with. I have expressly forbidden Mr. Blind to read this blog, but if he "accidentally" reads it, or a follower reads it and paraphrases it for him, I would like to say to him thank-you for showing me that I can be okay, and for showing me that with love, faith and patience we can survive all things. I am thankful that I have been given the gift of spending time with someone who is patient, who is kind, who doesn't judge, and who accepts that I am wounded and am trying to find my way back to life. Thank you for helping lead me on this path.
He would have been 51-years-old today. I woke up today in Mr. Blind's bed.
Last night, when Mr. Blind asked me to come over, I thought long and hard about telling him no, I couldn't do that because I needed to wake up in my own bed this morning since it was Todd's birthday. However, I decided that I would go over the Mr. Blind's house anyway, and just maybe not spend the night. At 3a.m., when I woke up in Mr. Blind's bed, I again thought about leaving and heading home. But you know what, it would not have made one bit of difference if I were at home or elsewhere. It is still Todd's birthday. I still miss him terribly and wish he was still here. I wish we were celebrating with chocolate cake and champagne but the truth is, that is not going to happen. I can celebrate Todd in my heart and in my mind, but I can no longer celebrate with him in person. So I went back to sleep and in a way, a few hours later, it was comforting to wake up in the arms of someone who was happy I was with him.
My next stop was meeting my parents for 8:30a.m. mass, which was said in Todd's honor. This was the second person I became today. It is so easy to fall back in to the grieving widow role, and it is a role I will carry for the rest of my life. Every time the priest said Todd's name this morning, and when the congregation prayed for Todd and for our children, it was like someone was poking the not-yet-healed wound in my heart with a very sharp stick. The comfort of the morning disappeared and all the sadness and loss came back. I guess this is pretty normal when you lose someone, but it is really quite hard to let myself be happy with the new person in my life, when there is still so much hurt and sadness.
So, today I am going to look for the things I am most thankful for. I am extremely thankful that when I was 20-years-old I met a beautiful blonde boy on a Mexican beach, who grew to become the steady, hard-working, loving, gentle man that was my husband. I am thankful for the person he saw in me. I am thankful that he loved and cherished me all the days of his life. I am also thankful for the two greatest gifts he gave me...... my two wonderful children.
I am also extremely thankful that now, so very many years and so very many experiences later, I have found Mr. Blind who is "extremely fond" of me and who I am enjoying spending time with. I have expressly forbidden Mr. Blind to read this blog, but if he "accidentally" reads it, or a follower reads it and paraphrases it for him, I would like to say to him thank-you for showing me that I can be okay, and for showing me that with love, faith and patience we can survive all things. I am thankful that I have been given the gift of spending time with someone who is patient, who is kind, who doesn't judge, and who accepts that I am wounded and am trying to find my way back to life. Thank you for helping lead me on this path.
Friday, June 11, 2010
love is in the air
My beautiful niece, Michelle, is getting married in two weeks and next Saturday I am throwing her a bridal shower. There is nothing like young love. It makes everything fell fresh and clean, and full of hope!
I remember oh so long ago when I was planning my wedding. Everything was so exciting and filled with possibilities. The bridal shower was overflowing with people smiling, and papers and ribbons and decorations. I remember the excitement of hiking out to the mailbox every afternoon to see if any more rsvp cards had come. Now it seems like everything is digital e-vites and e-mail responses. When I went to our local stationary store to purchase the shower invitations, I was appalled at the lack of choices available. The store clerk told me that invitations just don't sell, as everything is done electronically now. I guess I could see an e-vite for a movie night out, or a backyard bbq or a housewarming maybe, but for a wedding shower ? Seems kind of tacky to me. What happened to the romance of getting a beautiful flowered invitation in the mail, tacking it up on your bulletin board or on the side of the refridge, and looking at it every day ? I have the invitations from my wedding functions in my scrapbook still, after all these years. Somehow it just wouldn't be the same if I had to download the card, respond electronically, print it out and add it to my scrapbook hoping the ink and paper wouldn't fade after a number of years. I know the digital photos we printed out of our trip to Italy seven years ago look like faded crap now. I wouldn't want that to happen to my wedding invitation.
Today I went back to the same store to find wrapping paper for the shower favors. I had gone to RiteAid but there was no such thing as wedding shower wrapping paper available there. Okay, when did that happen? Where are the rolls of bright paper with little umbrellas on them, saying "showers of joy" and other stupid sayings ? They didn't have any at either store. I had to settle for plain white. I have to tell you, I came home pretty discouraged. All of the fun had been taken out of the afternoon. Engagements and showers and wedding and babies should be something you celebrate with fancy gift wrap, pretty cards, loads of ribbons and do dads and fancy enhancements..... not something I have to put my glasses on so I can download !
I remember oh so long ago when I was planning my wedding. Everything was so exciting and filled with possibilities. The bridal shower was overflowing with people smiling, and papers and ribbons and decorations. I remember the excitement of hiking out to the mailbox every afternoon to see if any more rsvp cards had come. Now it seems like everything is digital e-vites and e-mail responses. When I went to our local stationary store to purchase the shower invitations, I was appalled at the lack of choices available. The store clerk told me that invitations just don't sell, as everything is done electronically now. I guess I could see an e-vite for a movie night out, or a backyard bbq or a housewarming maybe, but for a wedding shower ? Seems kind of tacky to me. What happened to the romance of getting a beautiful flowered invitation in the mail, tacking it up on your bulletin board or on the side of the refridge, and looking at it every day ? I have the invitations from my wedding functions in my scrapbook still, after all these years. Somehow it just wouldn't be the same if I had to download the card, respond electronically, print it out and add it to my scrapbook hoping the ink and paper wouldn't fade after a number of years. I know the digital photos we printed out of our trip to Italy seven years ago look like faded crap now. I wouldn't want that to happen to my wedding invitation.
Today I went back to the same store to find wrapping paper for the shower favors. I had gone to RiteAid but there was no such thing as wedding shower wrapping paper available there. Okay, when did that happen? Where are the rolls of bright paper with little umbrellas on them, saying "showers of joy" and other stupid sayings ? They didn't have any at either store. I had to settle for plain white. I have to tell you, I came home pretty discouraged. All of the fun had been taken out of the afternoon. Engagements and showers and wedding and babies should be something you celebrate with fancy gift wrap, pretty cards, loads of ribbons and do dads and fancy enhancements..... not something I have to put my glasses on so I can download !
Friday, May 28, 2010
No news
I haven't heard from Mr. Blind this evening. I thought we were spending the 3-day weekend together. I can't believe that I keep checking my phone to see if there is a message from him. It is like I am 16-years-old all over again. I am not sure I like this insecure side of myself.
Why hasn't he called ? Well, it could be because I burned my hair in a damn BBQ explosion last night and today had to get my hair cut really short....... I texted him and told him I looked like a boy. I know he likes long hair and I think if my hair had been this short the first time we met, he probably wouldn't be interested in me....... but I would like to think that now that he knows me superficial things like hair length don't matter.
Perhaps it is because he read my last blog, and thinks I was complaining about our love life, which is so totally untrue. I have forbidden him from ever reading my blogs, so if he did read it, he's in big trouble. If one of his friends read it to him, then I think I might be in trouble. I hope he knows that there is such a thing as poetic license, and that not everything I say in the blog is true. Some of it I just write for effect. I have absolutely no complaints with him at all, except maybe that I haven't heard from him today. I miss him, and I am mad at myself that I miss him. I am not supposed to care this much.
Why hasn't he called ? Well, it could be because I burned my hair in a damn BBQ explosion last night and today had to get my hair cut really short....... I texted him and told him I looked like a boy. I know he likes long hair and I think if my hair had been this short the first time we met, he probably wouldn't be interested in me....... but I would like to think that now that he knows me superficial things like hair length don't matter.
Perhaps it is because he read my last blog, and thinks I was complaining about our love life, which is so totally untrue. I have forbidden him from ever reading my blogs, so if he did read it, he's in big trouble. If one of his friends read it to him, then I think I might be in trouble. I hope he knows that there is such a thing as poetic license, and that not everything I say in the blog is true. Some of it I just write for effect. I have absolutely no complaints with him at all, except maybe that I haven't heard from him today. I miss him, and I am mad at myself that I miss him. I am not supposed to care this much.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Talk about love
My "friend" has suggested that the only thing that could make our relationship better is if I become more vocal ! I know those of you that know me must be laughing your butts off, because rarely have I been accused of needing to make more noise or speak up more ! I am a "cards on the table" kind of gal. I say what I think, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
However, not in the context that my friend is talking about. He wants dirty talk ! "Oh, put your big ........ in my ........", "I can feel your great big, hot, ............" etc. You know, the kind of encouragement that turns some people on and makes others, like me, either cringe or laugh out loud ! I am serious ! And how encouraging is in when in the midst of pleasure, either your partner says something to you that makes you just dissolve in a fit of laughter, OR even worse, you can't shut off your mind and are spending valuable nooky like trying to think of something "sexy" to say that won't make you sound like you are in a bad porn film ? Maybe I should watch some porn films so that I can get tips on how to say that crap with a straight face. (Do they show people's faces in porn films ?) Since when is moaning and getting your partner's name right not enough ?
Maybe I should just say practical things like "I need more foreplay than just flipping me on top of you." Somehow I don't think that's the kind of vocal he's looking for !
However, not in the context that my friend is talking about. He wants dirty talk ! "Oh, put your big ........ in my ........", "I can feel your great big, hot, ............" etc. You know, the kind of encouragement that turns some people on and makes others, like me, either cringe or laugh out loud ! I am serious ! And how encouraging is in when in the midst of pleasure, either your partner says something to you that makes you just dissolve in a fit of laughter, OR even worse, you can't shut off your mind and are spending valuable nooky like trying to think of something "sexy" to say that won't make you sound like you are in a bad porn film ? Maybe I should watch some porn films so that I can get tips on how to say that crap with a straight face. (Do they show people's faces in porn films ?) Since when is moaning and getting your partner's name right not enough ?
Maybe I should just say practical things like "I need more foreplay than just flipping me on top of you." Somehow I don't think that's the kind of vocal he's looking for !
Thursday, May 20, 2010
The Drawer !
While Mr. Blind and I were walking around Target today, he asked if he could have a drawer in my room where he could keep a few things for when he stays over. A reasonable request but I've got to tell you, it totally sent me into a spin. #1, my house was built way back when a person had one sandal that they would pass from foot to foot when they wanted to wear shoes, and had one dress for the weekdays and one for church day ! Space is at a premium, and I am jealous of my space. I am not sure I want to share ! #2, am I ready for someone to keep his stuff at my house ? He does stay over a lot, and he carries his dirty clothes to work with him in his back pack when he goes straight from my house to work in the mornings, but having a dedicated drawer makes it seem permanent. This scares the crap out of me, because if he moves things in, then he can move them out again ! Am I emotionally ready for this ? Of course I reacted like a deer caught in the headlights, and the only thing I could think of to say was, "I didn't' know if you were staying of not, so I didn't offer a drawer." LAME and RUDE all at the same time ! So then I tried to cover by saying I didn't know which drawer to give him, and he suggested my pajama drawer because I have "300 pairs of pajamas." True, but beside the point. I love pajamas and where would I put them if I took them out of the drawer ?
Now I have a dilemma, and I can't stop thinking about it. I am going to go in my room and stare at the drawers, and see if an answer comes to me.
Now I have a dilemma, and I can't stop thinking about it. I am going to go in my room and stare at the drawers, and see if an answer comes to me.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The Day After
A follow up to yesterday's birthday blog. Mr. Blind came over with a lovely present that is filling my day with music ! Very unexpected. I thought my present was dinner ! Of course, it was "man wrapped" which means no wrapping but the bag it came in. Haha. There was a lovely card !
I chose a Mayan restaurant for dinner. It was delicious. In retrospect, however, if you want a full evening of fun, perhaps spicy food and beans is not the food to order ! The Mayan menu doesn't exactly make you want to go home and take your clothes off, if you know what I mean! So I got to thinking today, what type of food is the perfect "friends with benefits" date food ? The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but is that the way south as well? I had considered a steak restaurant, as most men tend to like red meat,but I decided that if I had steak I would be all bloated and feeling like a big fat blob, and my stomach would probably be upset as well, so that was out. How about a nice salad restaurant ? No, because too much roughage can give you gas, and I am certain anything I ordered would have nuts -- don't want to go there again, or bell peppers or cucumber, both which make be burp. That's out. Indian food ? Too spicey. Popping Malox and having your nose run from the spices isn't exactly the height of sexy ! Chinese food? Maybe, but you'd have to take a break in an hour because you'd be hungry again !
I've decided that the Italians know how to eat, and to live. A nice calm dish of pasta, a nice glass of red wine, and you are warm, cozy and ready for love !
I chose a Mayan restaurant for dinner. It was delicious. In retrospect, however, if you want a full evening of fun, perhaps spicy food and beans is not the food to order ! The Mayan menu doesn't exactly make you want to go home and take your clothes off, if you know what I mean! So I got to thinking today, what type of food is the perfect "friends with benefits" date food ? The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but is that the way south as well? I had considered a steak restaurant, as most men tend to like red meat,but I decided that if I had steak I would be all bloated and feeling like a big fat blob, and my stomach would probably be upset as well, so that was out. How about a nice salad restaurant ? No, because too much roughage can give you gas, and I am certain anything I ordered would have nuts -- don't want to go there again, or bell peppers or cucumber, both which make be burp. That's out. Indian food ? Too spicey. Popping Malox and having your nose run from the spices isn't exactly the height of sexy ! Chinese food? Maybe, but you'd have to take a break in an hour because you'd be hungry again !
I've decided that the Italians know how to eat, and to live. A nice calm dish of pasta, a nice glass of red wine, and you are warm, cozy and ready for love !
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