Coincidence??????

When I first met Todd, all those 29-years-ago, I was in Mexico with my mom, cousins, etc. and we took medicine prescribed by a doctor in order not to get "tourisma." Turns out I was highly allergic to the medicine, especially when combined with the sun. Of course it was combined with sun. I was young, thin, fit in a bikini, and was in Mexico !!!!
The results when I returned home were phenomenally bad. I ended up with something called arythema multiforma, that manifested itself in blisters and oozing sores everywhere. Especially attacked were my mucus membranes. My tongue swelled up and actually peeled off. I had sores in my eyes, in any other mucus spot you could imagine, and open sores all over my body. Looked like a leper, smelled even worse. I could go on and on, but you would probably throw up, so I won't. I was in this state for about a month.... ( continued on and off for about 5 years whenever I got stressed out, but that's another story.)
Anyway, during the month Todd kept calling me. I told him I was sick, and I kept blowing him off because I looked like total crap. Not the gal he met in Mexico to say the least. One day, on his way back to school, he just showed up at my parent's door. AND MY MOM LET HIM IN MY ROOM ! I could have died ! I had not brushed my teeth for weeks because I couldn't open my mouth. I was emaciated from lack of food, bruised and broken, hollow eyes, OMG I looked like crap. Todd sat and talked to me for about an hour, and when he left, he leaned over and kissed me on the mouth! I didn't even want to be anywhere near my mouth ! It was at that moment that I fell in love with him.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. I have to go to San Diego for work, and I am stressed out about it. I accidentally eat walnuts in a salad dressing..... yes, I am totally allergic to walnuts. My throat swells up, my mouth starts to break out..... but I don't make the walnut connection because they weren't visible in the dressing. Must have been walnut oil or something, and it was a salad that was brought in for the meeting and left in my hotel room as the only food available to me for the evening unless I wanted to go to a restaurant by myself -- no minibar, no room service. Yes, I ate it for lunch and dinner !

I return home to Sonoma and after a few days when I don't get any better I decide I must have allergies, so I do something I am totally not supposed to do since I have severe allergies to medications. I go to Target and grab an off brand allergy medicine, and take some without even looking at the label. ( Yes, you can be almost 49-years-old and still make very stupid choices !). The reaction, while not as severe as the Mexico trauma, was pretty awful. My tongue broke out in a huge sore, right on the tip, the size of a quarter. I have been in total pain for the last week, and again, not a pretty site to look at my mouth or to be anywhere near it. Not great for my new relationship with Mr. Blind, who I am sure thinks I have scurvy or some other strange disease and am just saying is an "allergy!"

I remember that 29 years ago I gargled with hydrogen peroxide, so I start doing that again... and I don't get better. Mr. Blind is very considerate and very comforting, but really doesn't know what to do or think. Finally yesterday I call Kaiser and go over the situation with the advice nurse. "Oh no", she says, "don't use hydrogen peroxide. That inhibits new cell growth. You'll never get better that way !" Who knew. She also said cold foods were my best friends, and to rest and take care of myself and it should clear up within the week. WOO HOO. I have actually stopped the hydrogen peroxide and have gotten much better in 24 hours. Oh, and as for Mr.Blind, he stopped at the store last night and walked in to my house with ten individual containers of different flavors of ice cream !!!!! He is a keeper !

I fell in love with Todd when he handled a pretty bad health situation in such a positive way, and I am impressed and grateful to Mr. Blind for the way he has handled this current situation. While I was going through all of this in my mind last night I wondered if this was a little test that Todd sent down, to see if Mr. Blind passed muster. It would be something he would do, because it would be something I would recognize and understand. Maybe this new relationship is going to work out after all.

Family functions

Happy Easter everyone. I wish you all a joyous and blessed Easter with your loved ones and lots of chocolate eggs.
I will be spending Easter without one person who has come to mean quite a bit to me over the past few weeks, as it is deemed "inappropriate" by certain members of my family for me to bring him to a family gathering. Words like "too soon" and "not fair to the kids" have been thrown about, mostly for guilt purposes I imagine.
I can understand the thought that it may be too soon. It is the second Easter without Todd, so we have finally gotten the firsts over with, but I don't think my kids are ready to have mom's guest at the family table. I have spoken to Mr. Blind about this, and he thankfully understands. I think I am having more trouble understanding it than he is. I have never been one to take relationships lightly. I did not parade a band of idiots through the house before choosing Todd...... okay, maybe one or two bad apples in college, but I only introduced them to my family so that I could get a free ride home ! Our home has always been opened, especially at holidays, to anyone that didn't have a place to go..... friend, acquaintance, roommate, etc. So why is it that when I want to share a special family time with a new friend, I am not allowed ? Very few people have met Mr. Blind.....my mom, my sister, my cousin, and my daughter are the only ones. So is this sudden reluctance to meet him because my family doesn't think I should be dating or is it because they want to shelter my children from the fact that I am dating ? My children are not children anymore. They are now 20 and 21-years-old. I understand that I can't force a relationship I am having down their throats, but they have to grow up and understand that I am not going to be alone for the rest of my life, that I enjoy being with Mr. Blind, and that I am not trying to replace their father in any way, shape or form. I think my mom needs to realize this too and know that I am not a 48-year-old virgin. Does that make me a bad person ? I don't really think so.
How much time is it going to take for it to be appropriate that I have someone I want to spend time with ? How fair is it to Mr.Blind to not include him in my family ? At some point that is going to be a problem, I imagine.
I guess for now, since he is okay with not being included in Easter, I will be happy that he wants to be with me, and I will be happy that I want to be with him. Maybe I will even sneak away and drop an Easter basket off at his house for him, so he knows I am thinking of him. Maybe taking it one day at a time is the best thing to do. Perhaps eventually my family will meet him, and perhaps they won't. Who knows what the future will bring.

keep blogging ?

It's been quite a while since I have written in this blog, although I have had quite a bit to say ! I am second guessing myself and wondering if I really should be writing this at all. Maybe I would be better off with paper and pen, and a diary that is not so visible like in the old days. I think I will keep at it, though, because it is fun and maybe someone, somewhere, is enjoying reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it.