Kitchen Dangers

I was sitting in my kitchen this morning, sipping my cup of coffee, looking at all the things I will miss when I sell this house, and I got to thinking; "What is the most dangerous thing in a kitchen?" You would automatically say knives, or the cleaning supplies under the sink, or maybe even the stove since you could burn your self or it could explode during the night and your house would go up like the forth of July ( yes, I have a gas stove/oven), but I thank the most dangerous thing in a kitchen is the crock pot.

This simple, unassuming kitchen appliance is supposed to save you time by cooking a meal while you are out. That's actually quite a convenience. But what if you have a home office like I do ? On these cold mornings I might put a pork roast, some apricots, some bbq sauce, tomatoes, some onions and maybe a little garlic in the crock pot and put it on low for a full day of simmering knowing that in the evening I will have pulled pork I can serve my family. I get up at 7a.m. to get it started. By 9a.m. it is starting to smell like something is cooking, and I am looking at the banana I am eating for breakfast and thinking, " this should really be oatmeal with lots of brown sugar." By 11 a.m. the kitchen is starting to smell wonderful, and I am rooting around in the bread drawer for toast. My one o'clock it's diet be damned. The house smells like delicious food but I know I can't open the crock pot until at least five o'clock, so I open every other cupboard, drawer, and hiding place in the house, gobbling whatever I can find. By the time the pork roast is ready, I look at feel like Petunia Pig after an all night binge. However, since I have been smelling pork all day, I have to force down a pulled pork sandwich on a soft roll..... it's almost cannibalistic!

I think, while I am packing up the kitchen, I will leave the crock pot behind. Let someone else's butt get gigantic !

Grandmas Don't Tweet !

There are a lot of changes going on in my life right now. My financial planner has again insisted that I put my family home, which my grandparent's built over 85 years ago, and which my late-husband and I purchased from my dad when the kids were small, up for sale. I can't afford the upkeep on such an old home, I don't really need the space although it is not all that big ( 3 bed 2 bath), and I guess I should listen to my financial guy, but it is so very sad not to mention that it is the worst real estate market since the dawn of time. The house will list on November 11 and I am currently packing boxes of stuff since the real estate agents told me not to have any personal things out -- photos, paintings, etc. I am nearly paralyzed with sadness at the end of each day.

Add to that the fact that the printing/publishing industry ( my industry ) is dying. Thanks to electronic media, people are just not buying printed books... which means my clients are ordering less and less. I simply cannot make ends meet and keep two kids in college.... which is something I will not compromise on. My kids' education is the first and foremost important part of my life, even if I end up living in a box.

I have been looking for job opportunities and have been really surprised by the ageism out there in the corporate world. I am 49-years-old and almost everyone says if I don't find another job before I turn 50, I may as well give up ! I today talked to an old client who used to work for a very well-known retail kitchen store that actually started in Sonoma, and he said that a few years ago they laid off everyone over fifty from the corporate office to bring in, as he puts it, "self-important 35-year-olds." I am finding that everyone hiring thinks that if you don't tweet or twitter, you aren't "with it" enough for a job. What happened to knowing your customer ? Let's say you are a well known, very high-end kitchen store. Is someone going to come in to your store because they got a tweet from Kim Kardashian saying she bought a $1,000.00 espresso maker at your store ? Somehow I seriously doubt it. Who is shopping at your store is people who have always shopped there, who know the quality, and who have the money to pay for the items. This is not just the dot comers. It is also the older retired people who have saved their money, know the value of quality, and are willing to spend to get that quality and company name. Is today's bride going to register at a store that is known for quality, or is she going to go on a bridal registry web site and electronically register for her bridal wants and needs? It is the bride's mother ( probably my age or older ) who is going to insist that the bride actually go in to a few well-known, name brand stores and personally select things for their registry, because her friends, and grandma's friends who will all be invited to the wedding are not all that comfortable purchasing gifts over the Internet, and will want to go in to a store that they know and feel comfortable in, look at what the bride has chosen, and make a purchase with an actual human being. Customer service, baby, that's what it's still all about. Mom and grandma don't want to tweet and twitter. They don't want to go on face book to learn about their daughter's registry. They want to shop at a real store, talk to a real human, and walk out feeling happy with their purchase.
Bonus if they get to talk to someone their age ! WAKE UP CORPORATE AMERICA.

movies to grieve by !

Feeling pretty depressed and unloved today. I am not sure why! Perhaps it is because my son is here to "see me" but is really out all day with his cousin.... he just needed my car apparantly ! He left this morning while I was at jazzercise and has been out all day. I hate being housebound. After all the laundry and cleaning is done, and I finished my book, I didn't know what to do with myself. Decided to take a walk and found myself at the cemetary talking to my husband's grave. Not exactly a cure for depression. I did thank Todd for loving me for all those years, and that felt good.

I thought maybe I would go bug Mr. Blind for a while, because I didn't get to spend time with him yesterday since my son was here, but he is busy watching a "Breaking Bad" marathon. So, I'm not as important to him as a tv program ? Not a good sign !

Instead of having a good time going out, I am sitting home watching Bridget Jones' Diary, which is not a good thing to watch if you are feeling sorry for yourself. The whole opening scene with Bridget lip-synching "all by myself" was way too familiar. Besides, it made me want a drink quite badly ! Okay, I did pour myself a glass of wine, but it was after 5:00. Quite a good glass of wine in fact; Overture, which was luckily left here after the party my sister threw last week at my house for her husband and her friends. Amazingly, Overture red wine goes quite well with pumpernickel pretzel sticks and pub cheese, but don't tell the wine maker. I am sure he would be appalled with that pairing !

What other movies shall I watch, to put myself into a depression coma? How about Steel Magnolias. That's a real tear jerker. Maybe Love Story ? or Philadelphia ? I've never seen Dr. Zhivago, but that's depressing too, isn't it ? I could really work myself into a nice puddle of depression if I can download them all on the instant netflix queue !

International

We've gone International ! I received a comment from Linda in Canada, letting me know that she reads and likes my blog. THANK YOU LINDA. It is GREAT to hear from you, and I am so happy you are enjoying reading my blog. It is really fun to know that someone outside of my circle is reading this. HOORAY. TELL YOUR FRIENDS !

Weekend best wishes,
Domini

Identity & Underwear Theft

It seems as though there are a few too many bloggers using the title "Dom's life" in some way, shape or form. Of course when you put Dom's-life in google search, using the hyphen, mine comes up first...... but I was surprised to see how many others there were. So with that in mind, I am thinking of changing then name of my blog.
What comes to mind initially is Widow Speak ( kind of a play on words for widow's peak) but I don't know. Any thoughts ? Please chime in with your name suggestions.

It's been a long time since I have blogged, because I have once again been accused of "sharing too much" and told to just "keep things to myself" from various and sundry people..... okay, mostly from my mom and she doesn't even read my blog, but somehow every time I type I hear her voice in my head ! How is it that my own kids don't listen to a damn thing I say, but I, at almost 50-years-old, still hear my mother's voice in my head telling me what to do... and I listen ! CRAZY.

Let's see, what is there to share. Oh, I know, there was a BONFIRE ! No it was not a "before the big game" bonfire where everyone is wrapped in blankets and drinking out of a flask, cheering for their team. It was not a romantic evening on the beach bonfire. It was not even a burn day, as far as I know. What it was is a ritualistic burning of Mr. Blind's underwear, and no, I didn't do it in a fit of rage. I didn't do it at all, though it would be a really good revenge tactic. The firebug, who is definitely NOT on Smokey the Bear's friends list right now, was my son.

It all started because we, ( my son and myself ) got in an argument about underwear. You would think I would know better after all of these years than to get in arguments with my childen, but old habits are hard to break. You would also think that when he comes here, unannounced, for the weekend, he would know to
bring the same number of underpants as the number of days he is staying. It's not rocket science. One clean pair a day should do it. Instead it is the incredulous voice asking me why, even though he doesn't live here anymore, I don't have clean underwear for him in his drawers for when he comes home. What kind of mother am I that I don't have a shrine erected in his room, complete with every convenience item he may need ? And like an idiot I feel badly and go to the store to get underwear for him ! And like an idot I get the wrong size ( clearly the store should NOT put children's underwear in the grown up section without labeling it as such), and that causes a whole other round of shouting. Back to the store I go, but while I am gone my son decides to go through my drawers, I guess looking for his father's underwear to put on. Mind you, my husband has been dead for a year and a half. I do not still have his underwear in the drawers, because I, as previously noted, do not keep an underwear shrine in my house to those not in attendance ! AHHHH, but he did find men's underwear in the drawer....the underwear of Mr. Blind !

Let me tell you, my son TOTALLY FLIPPED OUT and when I got home from my second round of shopping, this time with the correct size and style of boxers firmly in my grip, there was a fire in the BBQ and the delightful smell of clothing burning. He was very eager to show me that he had taken the underwear, socks and sleep shirts out of the drawer in my room, and they were now ashes.

How is one supposed to react when they see their child, with a manic look in his eye and a cheshire cat smile on his face, standing over a bbq cooking one's boyfriend's clothing ?

I can totally understand that he was shocked to find the undergarments in my house, as he is not aware that Mr. Blind stays here overnight sometimes, but the reaction is a bit severe and in fact, quite crazy. I was so astounded that he would do something like that, I just couldn't wrap my head around it. And it's not because he doesn't like Mr. Blind because he has only met him once and refused to speak to him. My son just doesn't like the idea that I am dating ANYONE at all. I burst into tears and left the house to the firebug. I couldn't even yell at him I was so astounded.

Where did I go ? To Mr. Blind's but I couldn't tell him what my son had done, because that would hurt him too badly and because I didn't really know how to explain it. However, the next day when Mr. Blind came over and none of his clothes were there, I did have to tell him that they got destroyed. The look on his face was so forlorn and incredulous. He was actually speechless until the next day when he said that he really had to think about things and see if he could continue with this relationship.

Quite frankly, if it were me, I would have dumped me right then. No one should have to go through what my son did to him. I wouldn't have blamed him if he walked away and found some lucky, lucky woman who chose not to reproduce. I was wishing I was from a species who ate their young.

Astonishingly, he decided to stick around and we have been together every day ever since. It is getting kind of serious. Somehow I have to figure out a way to get my kids on board with this idea of me dating just one person.......... any thoughts on this would be appreciated as well. It's never easy, is it ?

A weekend away !

I walked by a truck parked across the street from my house yesterday and it had a sign on it advertising it's assorted "handyman" services, everything from "Computer Repair" to "Plumbing" and "Pest Erradication." If there had been anyone in the driver's seat I think I would have gone up to them and proposed marriage. ( man or woman, it's legal now in California !). I mean, seriously, I could have a mate who can fix my computer, fix my plumbing and get rid of rats !!!! What more could I ask for..... anything else I could find or pay for on my own.

Now on to the topic of the day - a weekend away. Mr. Blind and I have been dating for five months now, and I think it is time we spent the weekend together. I suggested this to Mr. Blind a few weeks ago, but he didn't seem too excited about it.
He told me it was because he had to see his ex-wife in court this Friday and would probably be in a really bad mood, which I understand, but what better way to either celebrate a court victory or to lick your wounds than a weekend away with me !

Today I decided that I needed a break, and was going away with or without him. I have been totally stressing out lately because of money problems, job problems, kid problems, etc. and finally cracked and screamed at some lady in the fairgrounds parking lot yesterday morning. Okay, she deserved it because she made a smart ass comment to me, but I really shouldn't have ripped her a new a**hole. It wasn't very ladylike of me. When something like that happens it usually means I have had too much coffee or I am totally stressed, and I hadn't had any coffee yet that day -- BREAK TIME !~ Today I called a beautiful hotel overlooking the Sonoma coast and hooray, they had a cancellation and had one room available for the weekend. I booked it. I had to. It was obviously meant to be ! I texted Mr. Blind and told him I had booked the room and that I hoped he would join me, but even if he didn't join me, I was going by myself to be by the ocean and get my head together. He said he will join me for one day, but probably not two because he may have to work. Is that like the safety call ? Does saying you "might have to work" give you an excuse to get away if you don't like spending 24hours in a row with someone ? It will be interesting to see what happens ! I will be happy with whatever because I wil be near the ocean, which always makes me feel rejuvenated. And the room is on a cliff, so if things get really bad, I could jump ! I am an awesome swimmer !

My question is, why the hesitation ? We spend an awful lot of time together, either at his house or mine. We haven't spent a whole weekend together yet because my kids are always showing up, so I thought the idea of a weekend away without the possibility of the kids dropping by would be ideal. Is it too soon in the relationship? Is there some dating timeline that I don't know about ? Is this something that you're not supposed to do until the 6 month mark or later ?
If you know something I don't know, do tell !

A drawer in his house ?

While Mr. Blind has had a drawer in my house for quite some time now, I haven't felt comfortable leaving anything at his apartment..... nor has he suggested that I leave anything there except a toothbrush that was his from the dentist to begin with.

We were having a bit of a conversation last week because my kids were sticking their noses in my business a little too much again, and insisting I make a choice between them and Mr. Blind. Of course the kids come first, but I have no intention of making a choice between them. I listened to what my kids had to say, and then tried to explain my feelings/decisions to Mr. Blind. Those decisions included not being with him when my children come to visit. The problem is that even though I have rented them a beautiful apartment in the city, they constantly drop by home and decide, on the spur of the moment, to stay a day, two days, or even a week. If I am going to abide by their wishes I have to cancel plans with Mr. Blind whenever they drop by. I realize this is not fair to Mr. Blind, nor is it fair to me, but these kids have lost their father and now they are feeling like they are losing their mother. It is a really tough circumstance, which they are playing to the hilt!
Mr. Blind is concerned my kids are going to resent him....... OF COURSE THEY ARE ! He is the first person their mother has dated after their father's death. How could they not resent him ? I tried to consider everyone's feelings and told Mr. Blind that I would listen to how my kids felt and would abide by their wishes part of the time, but if I was going to let anyone screw up the relationship between Mr. Blind and me, it would be me ( or him), not my kids. He agreed to stick it out and see what happened.

So imagine my surprise last weekend when I did agree to a sleep over, only to find that he had used my toothbrush to clean his electronic gear. I guess he figured I wasn't sleeping over anymore, so he could put my toothbrush to better use. It really ticked me off, and it embarrassed him when I, ummmmm, shall we say "commented" on it !

Next thing I know he is finding me a new toothbrush, and suggesting that I leave pajamas at his apartment so that I feel more at home there. Only problem is he doesn't have an extra drawer, so I left my pajamas on the top of his dresser. If his landlord comes in, he's gonna think Mr. Blind is a cross dresser ! Ha Ha Ha.

Does this smell like chloroform?

I was reading an article today, "28 sexy things to try in bed" from Redbook magazine, and was honestly very surprised at how mundane and seemingly obvious the sexy things were. It suggested things like sleeping in the buff, getting sexy underwear, playing dress up, and going out on a date. Um, old news. Doesn't everybody already know about this stuff ? Okay, granted, I did not know there was a website where you could get a Swarovski crystal stick-on tattoo for "down there " ( ouch !), but everything else was pretty boring. For this I spent $3.99 ?
One of the tips was being well groomed. Do people think it's okay to NOT be well groomed ? Is that one of the first things that goes ? Grooming tips are easy. 1) Deodorant and shampoo are your friends. 2) Nose hairs are NOT a good thing. 3) No one, man or woman, over 40-years-old show have a ponytail. 4) Moisturize ! This goes for men and women. Scaly skin is a turn off.
5) women, I don't care how "green" you are, razors are your friends. Leg hair and underarm hair are NOT sexy. Yes, I believe in evolution but nobody wants to f### a monkey !
You would think all of this would be obvious, but I guess not since magazines are still writing articles about it and people ( like me ) are still suckered into buying the magazine !

Maybe they should write articles about the top 28 pick up lines instead. My favorite ..... a man holds a napkin/handkerchief up to a woman's face and says "does this smell like chloroform?" Okay, it's funny because if someone holds something up to your face, and asks you to smell it, you usually do. It is almost an instinctual reaction. You sniff without even realizing it. Besides, it's hilarious ! How desperate do you have to be to actually chloroform your date ?

Which leads us to relationship advice. 1) Don't really chloroform your date, or slip drugs in her drink, etc. That's not funny. The rest of my advice is what I need to listen to myself.......2) pay attention when your partner speaks and try to remember what he says. It is important to anyone to feel valued and listened to. 3) Don't let your kids get in the way of your relationship! Don't let it get to a point where it is him/her or the kids. There will be nothing but regret and resentfulness no matter what you choose.

Starting a new life, one step at a time !

I just got back from my first job interview in over 20 years. This is all part of the reinventing process that I think I need. Was the interview successful ? I doubt it. I have the sales skills needed. I have the industry knowledge. I have written press releases for events and activities 'til I was blue in the face. Do I have any of them still ? Hell no. That was years ago. Who knew I'd ever need those things again ! Writing is a skill like riding a bike. Even if you don't do it for a few years, you still know If I had an iphone I could twitter like a frickin' bird. But that's not the type of thing someone wants to hear in an interview. They want me to show them an ecommerce page I have designed and to show them how much e-tracking I did and how much e-sales. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! I am trying to be hip and now, but I am afraid I am behind the times! I was supposed to be preparing for retirement at this stage of my life, once college was all paid for. Now I am looking at at least 25 more years of work, and I don't know how to twitter. I'm a veritable dinosaur !

So while I'm inhaling a bag of tortilla chips.... my "go to food" for battling depression and frustration...... Mr. Blind texts to ask me how the interview went. Good thing he didn't telephone, because if he heard the crunching he would know I was putting myself into a chip coma. I told him I looked nice, but I didn't think I was what they were looking for in the job.
His response, "Well I'm sure if they have anything better suited they'll give you a call."
It's the absolute perfect response. Kind without being condescending. Ego bolstering but understanding at the same time. How can someone who says he suffers from depression be so wonderful at being positive and at making others feel good about themselves ? And where do I get a prescription !

Rescue me

Do men ever feel like they just want someone to rescue them ? I wonder.
I know when I get totally stressed, or my finances and/or client list looks bleak, I find myself dreaming of having someone ride up in a white Ferrari and rescue me. What would a rescue consist of ? I wouldn't ask for much..... money would be nice, and a fabulous vacation would be really nice. Then perhaps a life in a beautiful farmhouse with lots of land, very few animals to take care of, and lots of room and funding to throw beautiful parties for all of our friends.
I just wonder if men hope for a rich, beautiful woman to dash in to their lives and rescue them from their daily existence and worries. You never hear of the princess riding up on the white horse to rescue the handsome prince.

My thoughts lately have been on how I want to spend the second half of my life.
I do have some friends ( and family ) who are still suggesting that I find someone wealthy who will take care of me -- okay, where is the store where you go to pick up wealthy men ? I am sure it's not as easy as they think it is, or every bimbo would be shopping there.
I would rather have everything I ever wanted because I earned it, but have I set my life up for that ? When I was a magazine editor I loved my life. I loved being on deadline. I loved interviewing people and writing articles. I loved having a staff and always having something to accomplish. It was a terrific job, but the long hours spent at the office when the deadlines hit were not suited to raising young children. So, the decision was made that I would work in sales in a smaller company and set my own hours, so that I could be with the kids. This worked beautifully because I was able to have a job and go to all the kid stuff, and it worked when Todd was sick as well because I could make it to most of his doctor's appointments...... but now there is no one needing me. There i s just me, sitting at the kitchen table with my telephone and my computer, talking to clients and trying to convince them to buy printing. I don't think it is enough to mentally sustain me for the next 25 years. Not to mention the lovely invention called Kindle, which is killing the book printing industry !
What do I do with this new found self knowledge ? How do I embark on a new career when I am nearly fifty years old, and when the job market is the worst it has been since the depression?
Is it like sales where it is a numbers game, and every day I when I am done sending out the bulk mailing fishing for perspective customers, I should send out ten resumes as well ?

The deal was that I would put my magazine career on hold, work in a setting that was better for raising a family, and now, with only two more years of college to pay for, my husband and I would be planning vacations, going out to dinner, and enjoying our lives together as empty nesters. Instead I am here alone, not knowing what tomorrow will bring, but knowing that I will have to work for at least another twenty years before I retire. It is a very rude awakening. This princess is going to have to open her eyes and figure out a way to rescue herself.

Temperature's rising

If I were the manufacturer of air conditioners, I would focus my advertising on women my age... and older. That would be my target market, because let's face it, it is like living in hell to have night sweats and hot flashes when the temperature reaches the high nineties, and you don't have air conditioning. In fact, I am going to buy one of those old fashioned in window air conditioners today because sleep is just not happening. A lady at jazzercise told me that when she went through "the change" she didn't sleep for eight years ! I didn't sleep for the years Todd was sick. Then I didn't sleep for another year because I was so sad and lonely. Now I am finally sleeping and I am going to have hot flashes waking me up for the next eight years? I don't think so. I would put a hammock up outside, but that's a little too Gilligan, don't you think? Besides, aren't most hammocks built for one ? Where would the dog sleep -- ha ha ha !

So the wedding of Todd's niece was yesterday, and it was lovely and very much like a fairy tale. The bride looked exactly like a princess. The groom is from Italy and speaks with an accent, so he was like a beautiful foreign prince. I was holding my other niece's 7 week old baby through most of the ceremony. He was gorgeous, but was very warm like most infants tend to be. It was hotter than heck in the room where the ceremony took place. I had worn a very cool yet elegant halter dress, and could actually feel the sweat dripping down my sides during the ceremony. So disgusting ! Not my fairy tale ! My son Max walked the bride's mother down the aisle, and he looked so much like Todd that I started crying. Then I looked behind me at Todd's dad's lady friend and she was crying. Then I looked across the aisle and my mom and dad and sister were crying. Apparently my niece Jennifer was crying too. It was all a bit overwhelming, but I am glad the wedding went so beautifully and it was amazing to see the love the bride and groom have for each other. It was like they were the only two people in the room. To be young and in love is a wonderful thing.

Speaking of love, my Mr. Blind is very reticent about saying anything other than that he is very fond of me. I have told him I love him, but that I am not in love with him. He doesn't seem to understand the difference, and both scare the heck out of him. He was invited to the rehearsal dinner ( we decided it was inappropriate for him to go to Todd's family wedding), but at the last minute he texted me to say he wasn't going to come. So, I had to go to the rehearsal dinner by myself. Because I didn't have a "plus one" I was seated at the kids table with my nieces, their friends, their 2 1/2 year old, and the family maid. I love my nieces and was happy to spend time with them, but it was a little bit weird..... especially when we had to beg that the food be passed to our table ! My blind texted me to apologize for not coming with me, and asked me if I was angry with him. I wasn't angry with him, but was in fact angry with me because I was so disappointed, because I have spent way too much time going to stuff alone, and because I actually wasted tears crying when he I got his text that he wasn't coming with me. I swore when Todd died that I would never cry over a man again. I was not angry at Mr. Blind.... I was disappointed in him and in his decision. We talked about it the next day, and he was a little shaken up when I told him that I have decided not to care about anyone anymore. I will just take life as it happens and not get my feelings involved. He said that won't work for me because I am a caring person and am not jaded enough to just switch that caring off. I guess he is right, but I am going to be a little more cautious about this relationship than I was being previously.
He did say that spending the evening feeling badly about not being with me made him realize how much he cares for me. I'm not sure I understand that, but somewhere in the male psyche that must make sense. It is interesting when dating someone new, when you take stock to look at what you want from a relationship. It may be what your plus one wants as well, or your intent may not be the same at all. That's a conversation I think I might be leading towards with Mr. Blind, but I am not sure we are there yet. What do I want ? Actually, not much. I want someone to talk with, someone to laugh with, someone who will give me a hug when I need a hug.... maybe without my even asking. I don't need anything long term. I just want someone to want to be with me.

pick your poison

Sitting in my darkened bedroom this morning trying to stave off a migraine, I realized just how old I am getting. Really, when you were a kid your day was all about games and friends and what was on tv. As a teenager you talked to your friends about the opposite sex, gossiped about other people, talked about how stupid your teachers were.... .then it was the "getting to know you" kinds of conversations, then talking about your job, your kids, your vacation plans. Now that I am pushing 50 and the people I hang out with are the same ago or older, the talk has actually turned to aches and pains, and to surgeries and medicines. The other night at dinner it was appendectomies, who had their tonsils still, what allery medicines were the best.....I felt like I should have been in an old folks home.

How does this relate to dating over 40, which is the whole reason for my blog ? KNOW YOUR MEDICINES AND THE MEDICINES OF THOSE WHOM YOU ARE DATING.
Not exactly a conversation you want to have, but practical none the less.
For example, if you are back on birth control after a 20-year-hiatus, you may not know that if you are taking an antibiotic it makes the birth control pills less effective. I think that's important information......I know I don't want to have child at this advanced age. Do you ?

I laugh every time I think of those commercials for viagra and other male enhancement drugs that have the warning that says "if you have an erection that lasts over four hours, call a doctor." Todd used to say "hell, if I have an erection that lasts over four hours I'm calling everyone I know !" Hahahahaha.
Ladies, I know the thought of four hours of solid enjoyment is tempting, but really, in reality imagine the stamina it would involve. And if your partner is panicking and trying to get to the phone to call his doctor, and you are still trying to enjoy the ride, I think things might get a bit awkward.

My darling Mr. Blind is on medication for his depression. I know this because of all the pill bottles on the side of his nightstand, and yes, I did look up the side effects on the internet! His declaration of "this is what they give the porn stars so that they can stay erect longer" needed internet confirmation ! (God, men are wierd. Do they not know that sometimes it would be better to just not say anything at all ?) So a few weeks ago things were not going so well with Mr. Blind. He was just not that into me, was cancelling dates, etc. I thought he was trying to break up with me....and I was trying hard not to care because I am not sure I could go through that again, and it would also make my mother right who says I should date lots of people and avoid a broken heart again ! Anyway, I finally demanded an explanation, and guess what ? He had stopped taking his anti-depression medicine because he felt so happy all the time because of our relationship. Now as flattering as that is, it is not exactly the way you are supposed to handle long-term medications, and, if I hadn't asked what the heck was going on, I would never have known that his funk was caused by his self-diagnosed going cold turkey on his medicines. Now that he has started taking them again we are back to our happy selves, and things are working out well. Also I now know two important things.... 1) he is happy with our relationship, and 2) he does want to try to get off the medication at some point. I can help him with this by urging him to get the advice of his doctor, because last time I looked, neither he nor I had a medical degree.

At a recent get together I learned from a wonderful lady we'll call Louise.... that's not her real name but she does get called this accidentally quite often for some odd reason ..... she doesn't look like a Louise...... anyway, I digress.....I heard from Louise that after ten years on match.com she has finally found someone to date. Can you believe anyone would pay the monthly fee on a dating site for ten years without any good matches, and still continue with the site? Hope springs eternal. Anyway, Louise has found her match. I offered her my "know his medications" advice, as he is in his late 70s and I am sure must take a pill or two. She thought I was talking about viagra and sex and said "I don't even know if he can do that anymore. I don't really care, either." Okay, there is so much I don't understand in that sentence! And if she doesn't care about that, why is that the first place her mind went when I mentioned medications ? I thought I was offering her good advice. My God, he could be on heart pills, he could be taking something for alzheimers, he could be taking hormones because he used to be a woman. Who knows ! I am not condoning snooping around in someone's medicine chest..... but I am saying, if the person you are sharing your life with pops a pill in front of you, ask what it is. Once you get the clinical name, look it up on the internet. Knowledge is power !

One person, two lives

Sometimes I feel like I am living two separate lives. Today is my late husband, Todd's birthday.
He would have been 51-years-old today. I woke up today in Mr. Blind's bed.
Last night, when Mr. Blind asked me to come over, I thought long and hard about telling him no, I couldn't do that because I needed to wake up in my own bed this morning since it was Todd's birthday. However, I decided that I would go over the Mr. Blind's house anyway, and just maybe not spend the night. At 3a.m., when I woke up in Mr. Blind's bed, I again thought about leaving and heading home. But you know what, it would not have made one bit of difference if I were at home or elsewhere. It is still Todd's birthday. I still miss him terribly and wish he was still here. I wish we were celebrating with chocolate cake and champagne but the truth is, that is not going to happen. I can celebrate Todd in my heart and in my mind, but I can no longer celebrate with him in person. So I went back to sleep and in a way, a few hours later, it was comforting to wake up in the arms of someone who was happy I was with him.

My next stop was meeting my parents for 8:30a.m. mass, which was said in Todd's honor. This was the second person I became today. It is so easy to fall back in to the grieving widow role, and it is a role I will carry for the rest of my life. Every time the priest said Todd's name this morning, and when the congregation prayed for Todd and for our children, it was like someone was poking the not-yet-healed wound in my heart with a very sharp stick. The comfort of the morning disappeared and all the sadness and loss came back. I guess this is pretty normal when you lose someone, but it is really quite hard to let myself be happy with the new person in my life, when there is still so much hurt and sadness.

So, today I am going to look for the things I am most thankful for. I am extremely thankful that when I was 20-years-old I met a beautiful blonde boy on a Mexican beach, who grew to become the steady, hard-working, loving, gentle man that was my husband. I am thankful for the person he saw in me. I am thankful that he loved and cherished me all the days of his life. I am also thankful for the two greatest gifts he gave me...... my two wonderful children.

I am also extremely thankful that now, so very many years and so very many experiences later, I have found Mr. Blind who is "extremely fond" of me and who I am enjoying spending time with. I have expressly forbidden Mr. Blind to read this blog, but if he "accidentally" reads it, or a follower reads it and paraphrases it for him, I would like to say to him thank-you for showing me that I can be okay, and for showing me that with love, faith and patience we can survive all things. I am thankful that I have been given the gift of spending time with someone who is patient, who is kind, who doesn't judge, and who accepts that I am wounded and am trying to find my way back to life. Thank you for helping lead me on this path.

love is in the air

My beautiful niece, Michelle, is getting married in two weeks and next Saturday I am throwing her a bridal shower. There is nothing like young love. It makes everything fell fresh and clean, and full of hope!

I remember oh so long ago when I was planning my wedding. Everything was so exciting and filled with possibilities. The bridal shower was overflowing with people smiling, and papers and ribbons and decorations. I remember the excitement of hiking out to the mailbox every afternoon to see if any more rsvp cards had come. Now it seems like everything is digital e-vites and e-mail responses. When I went to our local stationary store to purchase the shower invitations, I was appalled at the lack of choices available. The store clerk told me that invitations just don't sell, as everything is done electronically now. I guess I could see an e-vite for a movie night out, or a backyard bbq or a housewarming maybe, but for a wedding shower ? Seems kind of tacky to me. What happened to the romance of getting a beautiful flowered invitation in the mail, tacking it up on your bulletin board or on the side of the refridge, and looking at it every day ? I have the invitations from my wedding functions in my scrapbook still, after all these years. Somehow it just wouldn't be the same if I had to download the card, respond electronically, print it out and add it to my scrapbook hoping the ink and paper wouldn't fade after a number of years. I know the digital photos we printed out of our trip to Italy seven years ago look like faded crap now. I wouldn't want that to happen to my wedding invitation.

Today I went back to the same store to find wrapping paper for the shower favors. I had gone to RiteAid but there was no such thing as wedding shower wrapping paper available there. Okay, when did that happen? Where are the rolls of bright paper with little umbrellas on them, saying "showers of joy" and other stupid sayings ? They didn't have any at either store. I had to settle for plain white. I have to tell you, I came home pretty discouraged. All of the fun had been taken out of the afternoon. Engagements and showers and wedding and babies should be something you celebrate with fancy gift wrap, pretty cards, loads of ribbons and do dads and fancy enhancements..... not something I have to put my glasses on so I can download !

No news

I haven't heard from Mr. Blind this evening. I thought we were spending the 3-day weekend together. I can't believe that I keep checking my phone to see if there is a message from him. It is like I am 16-years-old all over again. I am not sure I like this insecure side of myself.

Why hasn't he called ? Well, it could be because I burned my hair in a damn BBQ explosion last night and today had to get my hair cut really short....... I texted him and told him I looked like a boy. I know he likes long hair and I think if my hair had been this short the first time we met, he probably wouldn't be interested in me....... but I would like to think that now that he knows me superficial things like hair length don't matter.

Perhaps it is because he read my last blog, and thinks I was complaining about our love life, which is so totally untrue. I have forbidden him from ever reading my blogs, so if he did read it, he's in big trouble. If one of his friends read it to him, then I think I might be in trouble. I hope he knows that there is such a thing as poetic license, and that not everything I say in the blog is true. Some of it I just write for effect. I have absolutely no complaints with him at all, except maybe that I haven't heard from him today. I miss him, and I am mad at myself that I miss him. I am not supposed to care this much.

Talk about love

My "friend" has suggested that the only thing that could make our relationship better is if I become more vocal ! I know those of you that know me must be laughing your butts off, because rarely have I been accused of needing to make more noise or speak up more ! I am a "cards on the table" kind of gal. I say what I think, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
However, not in the context that my friend is talking about. He wants dirty talk ! "Oh, put your big ........ in my ........", "I can feel your great big, hot, ............" etc. You know, the kind of encouragement that turns some people on and makes others, like me, either cringe or laugh out loud ! I am serious ! And how encouraging is in when in the midst of pleasure, either your partner says something to you that makes you just dissolve in a fit of laughter, OR even worse, you can't shut off your mind and are spending valuable nooky like trying to think of something "sexy" to say that won't make you sound like you are in a bad porn film ? Maybe I should watch some porn films so that I can get tips on how to say that crap with a straight face. (Do they show people's faces in porn films ?) Since when is moaning and getting your partner's name right not enough ?
Maybe I should just say practical things like "I need more foreplay than just flipping me on top of you." Somehow I don't think that's the kind of vocal he's looking for !

The Drawer !

While Mr. Blind and I were walking around Target today, he asked if he could have a drawer in my room where he could keep a few things for when he stays over. A reasonable request but I've got to tell you, it totally sent me into a spin. #1, my house was built way back when a person had one sandal that they would pass from foot to foot when they wanted to wear shoes, and had one dress for the weekdays and one for church day ! Space is at a premium, and I am jealous of my space. I am not sure I want to share ! #2, am I ready for someone to keep his stuff at my house ? He does stay over a lot, and he carries his dirty clothes to work with him in his back pack when he goes straight from my house to work in the mornings, but having a dedicated drawer makes it seem permanent. This scares the crap out of me, because if he moves things in, then he can move them out again ! Am I emotionally ready for this ? Of course I reacted like a deer caught in the headlights, and the only thing I could think of to say was, "I didn't' know if you were staying of not, so I didn't offer a drawer." LAME and RUDE all at the same time ! So then I tried to cover by saying I didn't know which drawer to give him, and he suggested my pajama drawer because I have "300 pairs of pajamas." True, but beside the point. I love pajamas and where would I put them if I took them out of the drawer ?
Now I have a dilemma, and I can't stop thinking about it. I am going to go in my room and stare at the drawers, and see if an answer comes to me.

The Day After

A follow up to yesterday's birthday blog. Mr. Blind came over with a lovely present that is filling my day with music ! Very unexpected. I thought my present was dinner ! Of course, it was "man wrapped" which means no wrapping but the bag it came in. Haha. There was a lovely card !

I chose a Mayan restaurant for dinner. It was delicious. In retrospect, however, if you want a full evening of fun, perhaps spicy food and beans is not the food to order ! The Mayan menu doesn't exactly make you want to go home and take your clothes off, if you know what I mean! So I got to thinking today, what type of food is the perfect "friends with benefits" date food ? The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but is that the way south as well? I had considered a steak restaurant, as most men tend to like red meat,but I decided that if I had steak I would be all bloated and feeling like a big fat blob, and my stomach would probably be upset as well, so that was out. How about a nice salad restaurant ? No, because too much roughage can give you gas, and I am certain anything I ordered would have nuts -- don't want to go there again, or bell peppers or cucumber, both which make be burp. That's out. Indian food ? Too spicey. Popping Malox and having your nose run from the spices isn't exactly the height of sexy ! Chinese food? Maybe, but you'd have to take a break in an hour because you'd be hungry again !
I've decided that the Italians know how to eat, and to live. A nice calm dish of pasta, a nice glass of red wine, and you are warm, cozy and ready for love !

Happy Birthday to Me !

Today is my 49th birthday.... last year of the 40s. WOW. I can't believe it. My husband died when he was 49-years-old. WAY TOO YOUNG.

Yesterday we had a wonderful family brunch to celebrate. Max couldn't make it, but everyone else was there and we had a whole lot of fun. Brunch really is the perfect meal. You can have yummy food, and still have the whole day to do other things. Plus you don't feel like an overstuffed pig when you go to bed from eating too much dinner !

Tonight I am going out with Mr. Blind, who is treating me to a birthday dinner. I get to pick the restaurant. In Sonoma, most restaurants are closed on Mondays so that makes my choice easier ! Traditionally Todd always took me to my favorite Italian restaurant in Sonoma, The Depot, for my birthday each year. I know the food is good there, and I know they are open on Mondays, but I really don't think I can go there this year to celebrate with Mr. Blind. It is just a little too emotional for me. I will have to find someplace new and start a new tradition. I am actually looking forward to it.
I'll let you all know how it goes !

Coincidence??????

When I first met Todd, all those 29-years-ago, I was in Mexico with my mom, cousins, etc. and we took medicine prescribed by a doctor in order not to get "tourisma." Turns out I was highly allergic to the medicine, especially when combined with the sun. Of course it was combined with sun. I was young, thin, fit in a bikini, and was in Mexico !!!!
The results when I returned home were phenomenally bad. I ended up with something called arythema multiforma, that manifested itself in blisters and oozing sores everywhere. Especially attacked were my mucus membranes. My tongue swelled up and actually peeled off. I had sores in my eyes, in any other mucus spot you could imagine, and open sores all over my body. Looked like a leper, smelled even worse. I could go on and on, but you would probably throw up, so I won't. I was in this state for about a month.... ( continued on and off for about 5 years whenever I got stressed out, but that's another story.)
Anyway, during the month Todd kept calling me. I told him I was sick, and I kept blowing him off because I looked like total crap. Not the gal he met in Mexico to say the least. One day, on his way back to school, he just showed up at my parent's door. AND MY MOM LET HIM IN MY ROOM ! I could have died ! I had not brushed my teeth for weeks because I couldn't open my mouth. I was emaciated from lack of food, bruised and broken, hollow eyes, OMG I looked like crap. Todd sat and talked to me for about an hour, and when he left, he leaned over and kissed me on the mouth! I didn't even want to be anywhere near my mouth ! It was at that moment that I fell in love with him.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. I have to go to San Diego for work, and I am stressed out about it. I accidentally eat walnuts in a salad dressing..... yes, I am totally allergic to walnuts. My throat swells up, my mouth starts to break out..... but I don't make the walnut connection because they weren't visible in the dressing. Must have been walnut oil or something, and it was a salad that was brought in for the meeting and left in my hotel room as the only food available to me for the evening unless I wanted to go to a restaurant by myself -- no minibar, no room service. Yes, I ate it for lunch and dinner !

I return home to Sonoma and after a few days when I don't get any better I decide I must have allergies, so I do something I am totally not supposed to do since I have severe allergies to medications. I go to Target and grab an off brand allergy medicine, and take some without even looking at the label. ( Yes, you can be almost 49-years-old and still make very stupid choices !). The reaction, while not as severe as the Mexico trauma, was pretty awful. My tongue broke out in a huge sore, right on the tip, the size of a quarter. I have been in total pain for the last week, and again, not a pretty site to look at my mouth or to be anywhere near it. Not great for my new relationship with Mr. Blind, who I am sure thinks I have scurvy or some other strange disease and am just saying is an "allergy!"

I remember that 29 years ago I gargled with hydrogen peroxide, so I start doing that again... and I don't get better. Mr. Blind is very considerate and very comforting, but really doesn't know what to do or think. Finally yesterday I call Kaiser and go over the situation with the advice nurse. "Oh no", she says, "don't use hydrogen peroxide. That inhibits new cell growth. You'll never get better that way !" Who knew. She also said cold foods were my best friends, and to rest and take care of myself and it should clear up within the week. WOO HOO. I have actually stopped the hydrogen peroxide and have gotten much better in 24 hours. Oh, and as for Mr.Blind, he stopped at the store last night and walked in to my house with ten individual containers of different flavors of ice cream !!!!! He is a keeper !

I fell in love with Todd when he handled a pretty bad health situation in such a positive way, and I am impressed and grateful to Mr. Blind for the way he has handled this current situation. While I was going through all of this in my mind last night I wondered if this was a little test that Todd sent down, to see if Mr. Blind passed muster. It would be something he would do, because it would be something I would recognize and understand. Maybe this new relationship is going to work out after all.

Family functions

Happy Easter everyone. I wish you all a joyous and blessed Easter with your loved ones and lots of chocolate eggs.
I will be spending Easter without one person who has come to mean quite a bit to me over the past few weeks, as it is deemed "inappropriate" by certain members of my family for me to bring him to a family gathering. Words like "too soon" and "not fair to the kids" have been thrown about, mostly for guilt purposes I imagine.
I can understand the thought that it may be too soon. It is the second Easter without Todd, so we have finally gotten the firsts over with, but I don't think my kids are ready to have mom's guest at the family table. I have spoken to Mr. Blind about this, and he thankfully understands. I think I am having more trouble understanding it than he is. I have never been one to take relationships lightly. I did not parade a band of idiots through the house before choosing Todd...... okay, maybe one or two bad apples in college, but I only introduced them to my family so that I could get a free ride home ! Our home has always been opened, especially at holidays, to anyone that didn't have a place to go..... friend, acquaintance, roommate, etc. So why is it that when I want to share a special family time with a new friend, I am not allowed ? Very few people have met Mr. Blind.....my mom, my sister, my cousin, and my daughter are the only ones. So is this sudden reluctance to meet him because my family doesn't think I should be dating or is it because they want to shelter my children from the fact that I am dating ? My children are not children anymore. They are now 20 and 21-years-old. I understand that I can't force a relationship I am having down their throats, but they have to grow up and understand that I am not going to be alone for the rest of my life, that I enjoy being with Mr. Blind, and that I am not trying to replace their father in any way, shape or form. I think my mom needs to realize this too and know that I am not a 48-year-old virgin. Does that make me a bad person ? I don't really think so.
How much time is it going to take for it to be appropriate that I have someone I want to spend time with ? How fair is it to Mr.Blind to not include him in my family ? At some point that is going to be a problem, I imagine.
I guess for now, since he is okay with not being included in Easter, I will be happy that he wants to be with me, and I will be happy that I want to be with him. Maybe I will even sneak away and drop an Easter basket off at his house for him, so he knows I am thinking of him. Maybe taking it one day at a time is the best thing to do. Perhaps eventually my family will meet him, and perhaps they won't. Who knows what the future will bring.

keep blogging ?

It's been quite a while since I have written in this blog, although I have had quite a bit to say ! I am second guessing myself and wondering if I really should be writing this at all. Maybe I would be better off with paper and pen, and a diary that is not so visible like in the old days. I think I will keep at it, though, because it is fun and maybe someone, somewhere, is enjoying reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it.

Miss Manners

So a friend introduces you to one of his friends, and low and behold, this "friend of a friend" turns out to be someone you like ! How do you say thank you ? Do you send you friend a thank you note ? Do you send him flowers ? Chocolate ? Do you send him your porno subscription with a note that says "thanks to you I don't need this anymore ?" What would Emily Post do ?

I think manners are very important to the whole dating scene. I'm not just talking the general basics like don't pick your nose, don't burp aloud, chew with you mouth closed. I mean more specific things like remember to compliment the person you are with..... say thank you when they compliment you......listen when they are speaking....don't let the cell phone be more important than the person you're out with......if you make food for him/her, ask what they like to eat and remember the answer......same goes with favorite music, favorite wine, favorite things to do, etc.
Don't take each other for granted.

Call me old fashioned but I really like a man who opens the car door for me, who lets me go through a door first, who pulls out a chair for me, etc. It is those little things that seem so simple but are so memorable. It is important that we remember to be polite and thoughtful of each other whether you have been together a week, a month, ten months or ten years. Manners and polite gestures are a simple way to let that special someone know you love him.

Soul Searching

I did a lot of soul searching last night after Mr. Blind left. I have been seeing quite a lot of him lately.... movies, hikes, dinner.... and I am really feeling safe and comfortable with this man. Yesterday I practically threw myself at him, I am embarrassed to say, and he very gently pushed me away and said "are you doing this because I am here, or because you really like me?" You know what, it is the same question I had been asking myself. Mr. Blind said he would rather take things slowly, because he wants to work on making a relationship that will last. I didn't know what to say, and after some soul searching I realized that what I was trying to do was to push a relationship with someone, without letting my heart be a part of it. I think it is a defense mechanism. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with Todd, and when my dreams and plans were shattered, it broke my heart. I tried to be brave and put on a brave face, but I was totally devastated. If I don't put my heart into a relationship, then I never have to go through that pain again.
The thing is, though, I really like spending time with Mr. Blind. I feel warm and safe and happy when I am with him, and when I think of telling him that I can't continue the relationship because I can't get my heart involved, I start to cry. So you see my dilemna. Against all odds, my heart is already involved.
I don't want to get married again. I don't want anyone to move in with me. I am scared to let myself be open to the relationship, but I also want to stick with it and see where it goes. Mr. Blind is not what was in my head as a person I might take a risk on. I had convinced myself that if I was going to date again I was going to look for someone who had no baggage, who was not looking for anthing long term, who had lots of money and lots of free time and just wanted to rescue me from my life and take me to wonderful places. Yes, I know it's a fantasy, but it was a good fantasy ! Then I met Mr. Blind. He has baggage.... so do I. He wants to be part of a family and have a meaningful relationship, which does scare me. I am going to have to take it really slow on that count. Both of us have to really watch the money we spend, which is, in fact, reality. So the question is, am I willing to go to the edge of the cliff and perhaps fall and shatter into pieces again ?
Some say I should date many, many people before I step into anything too serious. I don't really think that is true. If I find someone I want to spend time with, why would I pass that by to add numbers to my dating experience ? What would be the easiest thing is to tell Mr. Blind that I am not really ready to date, and to go hide under the covers for another year or two until I know that I am ready. The problem is, I like him. I like his hands and how big and gentle they are. I like the happiness I see in his eyes when he looks at me. I like the thoughtful things he does. I love the way he thinks about things and takes nothing for granted. I want to know more about the person he is, the person he was, and the life he's been through. I like the person he has become.
It is so hard for me to think beyond tomorrow. Who knows what will happen in six weeks, six months, six years. My instinct says to protect my heart at all costs. I hope I can be brave enough to take a chance.

sometimes it's just too much

My son, on the telephone this morning, asked me why I was being such a "cunt". This was because I was frustrated with him because he has not looked for a job, has not decided what computer he wants/needs, has not taken care of his bank card problems.... and I was horrible enough to remind him that he was an adult now and needed to take care of his own responsibilities..... that I couldn't micromanage his life. For this I am accused of being the "C" word. He knows exactly how I feel about this word. To me, it is one of the most vile, disgusting things you can say to someone. That's why he uses it. Why is it that he knows how to totally push all of my buttons? And more importantly, why do I let him ?
I am totally tired of life today. I don't want to have to go to San Francisco and stock the shelves of an ungrateful child. I really don't want to run to San Rafael and take the other one's laundry to her, because she's too busy to do it herself.
I am sick of the dogs barking and jumping and making my house smell like a kennel. I am tired of having a headache because of whatever is blooming in the air. I am tired of people asking too many questions/making too many assumptions about me and dating.......I just want to scream, bury my head in the sand, and disappear.
How's your day going ?

bald is not just for tires

I have decided that I like bald men. Bald, or shaved heads. I don't know what it is, but that is who I tend to gawk at when I drive by, walk by, see on television, etc. Maybe it's a hold over from when Todd lost his hair due to chemo. He was embarrassed, but I thought he was totally sexy that way, and told him that every time I got the chance.
Mr. Blind is not bald. He is balding, and is holding on to his hair with an iron comb!

He is really nice, though, and has great taste in music. Frank Sinatra, Louis Prima, James Brown, Woody Herman ! I think I have a little crush going.
Good thing my dogs are playing chaperone!

Does anyone know a good kennel ?

Another First Date

I went out on a date on Friday with Mr. Blind. We went to dinner, to see a movie, and then continued the evening with coffee and more talking at a local diner. It was really quite nice, and a bit frightening all at the same time.
I did find out a few more pieces of Mr. Blind's puzzle...
1) He does go to AA
2) He is in the printing business, and no, it is NOT porno or printing money. Actuallly, it is printing wine labels and we have some customers in common. Small world !

I was a little bit taken aback when he started talking about forging a relationship and then perhaps in the future getting married, if that's where we want to take it.
WOA, SLOW DOWN THERE HORSEY ! I was saying I didn't want anything long term, just friendship and fun..... and he's planning a walk down the aisle. Do men think this is what women want to hear ? Is it a way to get women to take their clothes off ?
I told Mr. Blind that I just want to take it very slowly, if that's okay.
Now I am thinking that any one in the dating pool should be able to say exactly what they are looking for. Let's say you are just looking for fun and friends, and perhaps a sexual relationship..... no strings attached. If you are a man, this is expected. If you're a woman, you sound like kind of a whore.

At the end of the night, Mr.Blind did lean over and kiss me and I was so surprised that I actually almost laughed. I really hadn't thought this dating thing through. I didn't realize that something so small as a little kiss, which I think I may have enjoyed, would send my mind reeling. It has been years and years since I was kissed by anyone but my husband. I forgot what a stranger's lips were like ! My mind is not sure whether I should be okay with this, or whether I should feel really sad.
Is it okay to kiss someone just for fun, or is it belittling what I had with my husband? Should I kiss him back, to see if I like it, or will I be cheating on my dead husband. Am I crazy ? Should I just call off any future dates right now ?

I am starting to get hives just trying to figure this all out. I guess I'll go on one more date, just to test the waters !!! Ahoy !

Stranger things have happened

An interesting thing happened last night. I got a call from my sister's ex-husband, who I haven't seen or heard from in about 8 months. He said I came up as a "perfect match" for him on e-harmony. OMG. I laughed so hard I about peed my pants.
Don't get me wrong, I love my sister's ex. He is the father of my wonderful nephews, and he will always be my friend. However, he was really stupid in choosing alcohol and other substances over his wife and three boys. A pretty unforgivable offense.
It is pretty funny because I stopped checking the e-harmony site because they were sending me names of southern baptists, or people like in the Footloose movie whose profiles said they didn't drink, didn't dance, didn't listen to music, etc. No thanks! Then I come up on the profile of someone that I know does all those things and more. Not quite sure how that all works, but suffice it to say, my mother would have a heart attack and die if I told her I got matched up with him. Me, I am still laughing about it !

Speaking of mothers, it seems like I have lots of them, all calling me this morning to tell me to not write so much on my blog. I am getting interesting comments from family members who think I am sharing too much. The thing is, I have always been someone who writes. I used to journal before it was popular ! I haven't written anything in a long time.... too busy raising kids, working, taking care of people, etc. Now that I have time again, I am really enjoying it, and my hope is that one person who is over 40 and trying to date again will read it and get a laugh, and maybe some advice. It's not easy !

No Lights, Big City

The first night in the big city, and I get a call at 10:30p.m. that when Max plugged in his lamp, the fuse blew and he was left in the dark ! The call was to see if he was supposed to try to flip the switches in the fuse box. YES. Didn't work. An exciting first night ! The landlord came today to replace the fuse. He brought extras with him, smart man, and showed Max how to replace them. After he took care of things, the landlord wrote me an e-mail to tell me that Max was doing well, seemed settled in, and that Max told him he was "enjoying every minute" of apartment life. Imagine a landlord writing to me to let me know all is okay. What a nice man !

I am kind of enjoying myself too! I am sipping a glass of wine. Josie and the Pussycats is about to come on tv. No one is coming in to change the channel. The dogs are resting on their new clean beds. Who knew things could be so relaxing ?

Oh, and did I mention I have a date ? The blind date guy, who will be hereafter referred to as "Mr. Blind" called to ask me out on Saturday for dinner and a movie! Guess what..... I said yes !
I can't believe it myself. He's going to pick the movie, I'm going to pick the restaurant. I'll update after the date. Let's see what movie he picks ! I want to see Shutter Island, but he'll probably pick something he thinks I would like to see, like Valentine's Day or Alice in Wonderland. Okay, I do want to see Alice, but I am going to that on Sunday for my God daughter's 12th birthday.
The other part of this is that I am supposed to be going out with Chemistry.com man later this week, but he hasn't written yet to let me know a specific day....... maybe I'll be busy. He should have booked in advance ! ha ha ha. I really thought there was potential there.
I may actually have to get an engagement calendar !

the Blind leading the date

Went on a blind date over the weekend ! Actually it was a "meet a friend of mine, it's not a date" kind of blind date, but he did call later and ask for my telephone number. That's progress.
It was actually a pretty good evening. The blind guy was very nice, but wouldn't tell me what he did for a living, and has two ex-wives. Are we sensing some red flags here, perhaps? I think I have to learn a lot more about him.

I spent the entire weekend helping my kids move to their wonderful new digs in SF. I can't wait to go spend the weekend there, if they'll let me. It's a quiet night here alone.... just me and the dogs and the cat. Messy but quiet. I have alot of cleaning to do. I was under the impression that if the kids rooms got messy enough they would be so grossed out that they would clean them. Color me wrong ! Now they've moved out and I can finally go in with lysol, rubber gloves, and a ten foot pole and start the battle against the grime !

D for Disgusting

If you read my earlier blog today, you'll know it's all about the "D" words. I have one more to add..... DISGUSTING. I just took apart the bathroom sink, which wouldn't drain, cleaned all of the gunk out, and put it back together. I now have gunk under my fingernails, a bathroom sink that still won't drain, and as a bonus, the sink now leaks !!!!! Guess I have to go get D for Draino.
I'm not very good at this grown up handyman thing. Please God, send me someone with a tool belt, stat !

A nice personality

I have discovered that saying "you're beautiful inside and out" in on-line dating circles is about equivalent to "you have a nice personality." Read...... I am not interested in you at all.
Yes, I broke down last night and wrote him a short e-mail. No, he did not write back. Did not even acknowledge the e-mail. How does it feel when someone meets you and then won't even answer your e-mails? It feels pretty damn bad. Gosh, you sounded good on the screen, but once I met you, YIKES ! I could understand it if, at the time, he had said "you know, you're really not what I am looking for."
I would have been okay with that. But he said nice things and asked if he could see me again. Honesty, folks, honesty. A little goes a long way.

I am having a day of depression and discovery. A big "D" day. It is almost the one-year anniversary of Todd's death. (depression). My new manager at work is demanding all of these absolutely ridiculous reports, assessments, etc. and I don't have time to sell a damn thing. She also is insisting on coming here on March 4 (the day before the 1-year-anniversary of Todd's death), to go over her plans for the company. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her ( which isn't far), and I think her timing is just cruel. She wanted to come on the 5th, but I told her no as I would be in no mood to talk to her. I explained the situation, and she said she'd come on the fourth instead ! Is it imperative that she see me next week ? No. She had planned a wine country weekend for her girlfriends and I guess wanted her flight to be paid for by the company, or some such nonsense. (demented - another "D".)
As for the future of the company, do I see the printing business supporting me for next twenty years ? NO. Do I get insurance, or retirement, or any of those good things ? NO. Do I have a job... YES. I know I am better off than many, many people that don't have jobs. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

The "discovery" comes in to play because next week, for the first time in my life, I will be alone ! Max and Lisa have found an apartment in San Francisco and will be moving in. I am so happy that Max is ready to start his life again. It has been a year of him being torn between his own life, and protecting me ! It makes me cry every time I think about what the kids have been through. I have spent a year trying to prove to Max that I can mow the lawn, feed the dogs, fix the car, etc. all by myself. It is like pushing a very big bird out of the nest. I am so happy that he is wanting to leave, but gosh, I will be lonely. I can't remember the last time I cooked for one. I think the dogs are going to become fat from leftovers.

You know, it's different when you are widowed than when you get a divorce. This isn't something I wanted, asked for, or planned. It was not a choice made by either party. By now, when the kids left home, Todd and I were supposed to travel, do things around the house together, maybe find a hobby or two. We were actually looking forward to being empty nesters. How do you feather a nest for one ?

***** just a note. Called church and asked if I could have a mass said for Todd on the 5th. The lady said the fifth was already taken, but would I want a different day. I told her if Todd died again, I'd let her know the new date ! Yes, I am a brat, but COME ON PEOPLE ********

not your kind of dancing

He hasn't called yet, and I hate that I am checking the computer for an e-mail every day. I really shouldn't care if he calls again or not. If it was meant to be, it was meant to be. What I should look on the whole experience as is getting the first date over with. AARRGGHHH.
I did buy tickets to Earth, Wind and Fire at the Sonoma Jazz Festival, and there is an extra ticket just in case I meet someone I want to invite. I guess that's a step in the positive direction !

So Lisa and I were at Cheesecake factory last week having lunch and this old (my age), short, greasy, troll-like waiter came and brought our food. He said he was having a good day because he was going dancing after work. To be polite I asked him what type of dancing. He looked at me and said "not your type of dancing......her type of dancing" and sidled up to my 19-year-old. "Club dancing" he said to Lisa, with a little wink. WTF !!!!! Number one, what the hell does he perceive as my kind of dancing? The Waltz ? The Foxtrot? The Funky Chicken ?
And what is he doing flirting with my little girl? Did he really think Lisa was going to push aside her avacado rolls and start dancing in the aisles with him ? It's like when men yell things out of the car window. What are you going to do, chase them to the next stop sign and hop in their car because they are SO SEXY to have been shouting suggestive comments as they drove by. Oh, just what I'm looking for, a loudmouth in a pick-up truck !
The waiter left and Lisa and I looked at each other in stunned silence and said, "did that just happen?" Both of us were horrified.

The dating world isn't easy for a 48-year-old but it isn't easy for a tall, blonde
19-year-old either. That should make me feel better, but it really doesn't. It is really just sad.

A First Date !

I went on a date this morning ! I actually met someone I met on chemistry.com for a cup of coffee, and yes, it was JUST a cup of coffee. Actually, he had cold tea but assured me he wasn't Mormon !
I am happy to say that it was not bad at all. In fact, I think he is a really nice man and I could be friends with him. He has two late-20s aged kids, and 3 grandchildren, owns his own company and liked to talk about himself (typical man!)

I wasn't sure how to set up the meeting. Do I do the flower in a book thing like in "You've Got Mail" or do a wear a bow in my hair (God forbid.) I just left it at,
"meet you at 9:30 at EDK." He wrote back and said "I'll be the one wearing the big smile!" Can I get a collective AWWWWWWWW.

When we met he asked me how online dating was going, and I told him that I have decided that most of the men on the site are going through a mid-life crisis, and I am NOT who they are looking for ( he agreed! ). I said I was more like who they left at home when they had their midlife crisis. He laughed and said that wasn't true at all. Okay , points for me for humor and points for him for laughing and saying it wasn't true.

When I got home I sent him a little "nice meeting you" e-mail..... I am polite that way ! He wrote back and said I was beautiful inside and out, and he would love to see me again. God, he gives good e-mail !!!

Truth in Advertising

I think it is important to be yourself. I have heard that while dating people lie about their age, their body type, their height, the lack of hair, etc. I was pretty honest, admitting I am 48-years-old and putting my body type as "curvy." I chose that one because "has muffin tops" was not an option ! To me curvy means hips and boobs.... but perhaps curvy to people reading the profile is cryptic for Mama Cass size. I don't really know. All I know if, it is better to be truthful so there are no surprises later.

My wonderful friend Carol is a gorgeous woman with a fantastic figure, but while we were at a tradeshow together, I learned something about here. She wears two pairs of control top panty hose under her business clothes. Not just one pair, but two, for extra firmness. I had never heard of that before.... sounds uncomfortable, but it's a really good idea. Her husband did tell me that when she takes off her clothes at night you can hear "booooiiiing" as everything jumps back into place.

So thinking about Carol and about my muffin tops, I went to Macys to the "figure control" section of the lingerie department. I went out of town in the middle of the week, hoping no one I knew would spot me. The ladies at the counter asked me if I needed help. I told them, "keep your fingers crossed. I'm going for tummy control." They were laughing so hard they couldn't get their work done.

I am now the proud owner of an undergarment that I think is very close to something my grandmother used to wear! Definitely NOT sexy, but if, as advertised, it really makes you one size smaller..... I may never take off my clothes again !
One flaw though. You can get just tops, which are supposed to help the stomach and hips, but in all the reviews I read it says they creep up while you are wearing them. Who needs an extra roll around their middle ? The one piece garments, which is what I purchased, unfortunately don't come in "thong" or "boyshort", so you have a definite visible panty line if you wear it under slacks.... which is the bulk of my wardrobe. Either I am going to have to start wearing dresses or get creative with a pair of scissors and customize the underclothing to suit my needs !
I wonder if you can wear them under nightgowns ?

Speaking of advertising.... yes, we were... I am watching too much tv because I am an Olympic junkie, and boy are there some lousy ads out there. The one that just bugs me to no end.... " I went to Jared !" These giddy women are all excited that their boyfriend went to Jared, "the galleria of diamonds," for their engagement ring. The fact that they are engaged doesn't seem to be what's making them or their families happy. It's the fact that they went to Jared. Have you ever heard of Jared before this year ? And what exactly is a "galleria" of diamonds ? Sounds like a fancy way of saying "warehouse" or "Walmart" to me ! The only way I'm going to get all that excited about a ring is if it comes in a little blue box from Tiffany's. Now that's something to crow about !

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to all the lovers out there. To those of us without Valentine's, it is also Chinese New Year, the year of the Tiger. Go out, get some Chinese food, and find the tiger or tigress within you.

Exactly one year ago today I was in the hospital with my husband, Todd, for what was to be the beginning of the end. He had been spitting up blood all day, but didn't tell me because he wanted to finish the taxes! As soon as I signed the papers he said "I think you had better take me to the emergency room." Let me tell you, that was the longest drive to Santa Rosa I ever made. He didn't want me to call the kids.... Max was in San Louis Obispo visiting friends, and Lisa was in Marin at school.....it ended up to be a very long weekend in the cancer ward where he was pumped full of quarts and quarts of blood and plasma. It seemed like the bags would never end. The people at Memorial Hospital were so wonderful. They gave us a private room and let me stay with him the entire weekend. I had brought chocolates and a card for Todd to celebrate Valentine's. I wasn't sure it was the last Valentine's Day we would spend together, but I had an inkling.

Todd never wanted to know just how bad he was, and asked the doctor to never tell him how long he was expected to live. He decided that it would be better if he just lived each day the best he could, not worrying about a future he couldn't change. We had to skip the regular chemo treatment that weekend, and I remember our doctor came in and told us he was going on vacation for a week, and did we want to meet with a different doctor once we were released from the hospital, or did we want to wait until he came back from his holiday. We had decided to wait until he returned. I was telling this to an older doctor who came by the next day to check on Todd, and he looked at me with such concern in his eyes and told me that there was no way Todd was going to be able to have chemo the next week anyway. I could tell he wanted to say something more, and I really think he wanted to prepare me that this was the end, but I guess he knew Todd's wishes, so he didn't say anything.... just shook our hands.

Thankfully Todd was released from the hospital after a 3-day stay. It was a real miracle, and I am so grateful he did not die while the kids were away. Three weeks later when he did pass away, he was ready and the kids and I were there holding him and saying good-bye.

Last Valentine's Day stands out more than any of the other 27 Valentine's Days we had together. Not because it was sad or frightening, though it was both of those. It stands out because we were there, in the hospital, going through the "for worse" part of our wedding vows, knowing we could face anything because we were facing it together,completely and totally united in our love for each other.

So today, for Valentine's Day, I ask that you hold on to the one you love and tell them thank you for every minute of happiness, and even for the minutes that weren't so happy. Love continues, love endures,true love is forever.

Dancing my ass off

First I want to say thank you to everyone who is reading my blog. Today someone told me how much they were enjoying it, and that they wished I blogged more often. Honestly, I thought only my sister, my friend Carol and my friend Tim were the only ones reading it. So readers, if you are enjoying it, let me know !

I have been thinking about dating, just in case I ever do it again, and two words keep popping up in my mind....."Stamina" and "Flexibility." ( Okay, so I have been thinking about sex. So what. It's been a long dry spell..... I like to call it "what they don't tell you about chemo.")

I would hate to be in the middle of something great, and not have the stamina to finish what I've started ! Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm talking about a long hike in the mountains !
So I have decided to walk my rear over to the Community Center three days a week and struggle though an hour of jazzercise. Yes, it does still exist ! There are people in the class who have been doing it for 20 years. I am not sure if they are the fat people or the skinny people.... guess I should figure out a delicate way to ask that question. I am having a great time because when there is music involved, it really doesn't feel like you are exercising, and it's only $4 a class. Frugal and fun !

Joining a class that has been going on for 20 years is interesting. Today I put my mat where someone else always puts their mat on Saturday, and talk about the stink eye ! It is extremely territorial. Add to that the fact that they all know the choreography. I am sure the people around me are rolling their eyes at my lack of coordination. The instructor is having fun..... I keep seeing her cracking up every time I miss a step. I'm glad I am amusing someone ! My one saving grace is that my legs are longer than a lot of people's, so if they get too close and are having a problem with me, I can just "accidentally" kick them. Ha Ha ! Take that ! This is supposed to be fun.

Today it popped into my head that I haven't used birth control in 20 years. I can't even imagine going to the doctor and having that conversation. I don't even know the options anymore. I am sure at my age there are all sorts of risks, but OMG, there are risks everywhere. Dating really is a mine field. Did I already write that someone on their match.com page actually put there were looking for a woman who was subservient. Can you believe it ? Who are these people.

Of course, all of this is putting the cart before the horse because I haven't even dated anyone yet. I do have a potential "meet and greet" for next weekend..... so stay tuned readers. There's more to come.

Salsa without a partner

Just back from Salsa dance class. It is not as much fun without a partner. There are younger couples there getting ready for their wedding. Their are older couples who look at each other so lovingly across the dance floor. It makes me very lonely.
Then I come home and log on to the dating web site only to see "people interested in you -- 0." Great, even cyberspace is rejecting me.

My mother let me know that she put the word out in town that I was ready to date again. I know she felt she was being supportive and loving, but for Pete's sake. I am a 48-year-old woman ! I felt like I was in a middle aged production of Fiddler on the Roof, with a very familiar yenta. Truth be told, when I was in high school sitting home with a bowl of ice cream because I didn't have any dates, the people's sons she tried to fix me up with were pretty bad. As a favor to my dad, one mother asked her son to go out with me. We had never met, but he had been drinking the entire night before and showed up at the door with vomit all down the front of him. Not the best moment of my life. Here's the kicker, I went out with him anyway so our parents wouldn't be disappointed. How lame is that ?
Actually, now as an adult I am friends with his sister and I haven't the heart to tell her just what a cad her baby brother was. One of these days I am going to have to stop being nice.

Thank you for your coming

I was getting a mani/pedi yesterday and the sign above the door of the shop said,
"thank you for your coming." After I stopped laughing, thinking of the places you could use this phrase besides a nail salon.....it dawned on me that we could use a lot more politeness in the world.

When was the last time someone in a store, in your job, on-line or even in your own home said thank you in a truly sincere manner? I know I am guilty of being short with people, especially if I'm tired or have too many things on my mind. I have been watching and learning from my daughter just how to behave. She is so extremely polite to people in department stores, clubs, grocery stores, etc. I hope to be like her some day.

Speaking of politeness, Mr "cup of coffee" was extremely curt over the internet and so I told him that No, I did not want to meet him. Of course, I tried to be polite and let him down easily instead of saying that he sounded scary and mean. I told him I just wasn't ready to date yet. His response..."Whatever. Take your profile off this site then!!!!!!" Yes, all the exclamation points were his.
I think I dodged a bullet there.

What's in a name?

I've been thinking about my post name on a certain dating site. My first name was domadams..... my name is Domini, my grandmother was an Adams. Seemed reasonable to me. I got all sorts of "looks", "winks" and "messages" using this name.
Does anyone else see that when you look at it closely it says "do madams?"
Neither did I, at least not for a week or two. Once I realized I quickly changed it to "sweetnsmart." No hits. No interest. No action. I was only interesting with "do madams!" How depressing is that ?

I told my cousin about it, and she said that the worst two words to use in a post name on a dating site are "sweet" and "smart." Terrific. I picked both ! It's like saying you have a "good personality." Dating kryptonite.

So where do you find a good post name? Is it a favorite food ? I don't think "twice baked potato" gives the right image, do you ? I already have to put that my body type is "curvy." Don't want to push it too far.
How about a favorite song? - Hallelujah doesn't cut it, and I'm not sure how to spell it. Favorite book ? The Drifters ? Nope.
We looked around the store we were in, and found a cookbook title we thought might work: "Cooking for two." It says "I can cook." It says,"I want to cook for you." Oops, it also could be construed as me being pregnant. Scratch that one.
One of my client's suggested "Italianlover." Ummmm, that's a big NO.

Guess I'll have to keep trying....

Cup of Coffee and other dangerous phrases

I got a hit on a dating site (scary, I know), and the guy asked to meet me for a cup of coffee. Sounded good so I said yes. Then I got to thinking, does "cup of coffee" really mean cup of coffee, or has that changed too ? Enter urbandictionary.com.
OMG!!!! I was appalled to find out that "cup of coffee" apparently is code for sex, or refers to an orgasm. Imagine my surprise ! Be careful, ladies, when you agree to a cup of coffee with someone !

Other words to watch out for:
"the time" - giving someone "the time" means having sex with them. "Pardon me, do you have the time" is no longer something we can say !

"teabag" - I don't even want to write what this one is. Suffice it to say that includes dunking a body part in someone's mouth.

"toss salad" - When someone asks you what you want to have to eat, NEVER say "I would like a toss salad." This involves licking and rear ends. Lettuce will never be looked at the same way again !

If you want to know other words to avoid, go to urbandictionary.com or ask your teenager ! Now I know why they are always snickering at menus!

As for me, I am going to write back to the dating site, tell the guy there is NO WAY I want to go for coffee, and then perhaps become a mute !

Dating and kids

My son walked by while I was looking at a dating profile site, and he absolutely flipped out. Yelled at me that there was no way I was going to start dating already..... that he would fight anyone who came to the house for a date. Obviously he is not ready for his mother to start dating. Perhaps because he is not dating !
I remember my late husband telling me that when he was a teen, ( his mother died when he was 12-years-old), his father had a better social life than he and his brothers did. He said it was really difficult going through the whole dating scene while his father was dating also. I understand that, but my son is 21-years-old. Yes, he still lives at home ( until I can find and afford an apartment in San Francisco for him), yes, he was absolutely devastated at his father's sickness and death, but his reaction still surprised me. I asked him if he wants me to be lonely for the rest of my life. He said no, but that he is not ready for me to date yet. What do I do? Do I tell him it is none of his business ? Do I understand his viewpoint, take it to heart, and not date anyone until he is ready ? Do I date, but be sneaky about it ? It is quite a dilemna.
What I couldn't really explain to my son is that I don't really think I am ready to date either, but I feel like I have to put myself out there and just dip my toes in the water. If I wait too long, I will never take that leap.

Definition

How does one define themselves ? I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I used to define myself as someone's wife, two someone's mothers, someone's daughter, someone's sister, an Italian Catholic, and as someone in the print industry.....pretty much in that order..... though I know Todd thought I spent an awful lot of time doing work-related things, especially when i would spend hours on the computer during every vacation ! ( wow, talk about a run on sentence !)
Now instead of being someone's wife, I WAS someone's wife. It pretty much changes the view.

When I was younger I always wanted to be independent. I couldn't wait to get through school and become a career person. I didn't want to have to rely on anyone for anything. Ahhhh, the follies of youth ! Independence is wonderful, but it is nothing compared to having someone to share with. Yes, I have always worked and have always contributed to the finances..... my job didn't pay nearly as much as Todd's, but I contributed just the same. But it's not even about finances. Those of you in committed relationships know. It is wonderful to have someone to talk to. To have someone to share the ups and downs of life with. When the kids are driving me crazy, I like having someone on my side...... or at least someone who will listen to me complain ! It was nice having someone to share decisions with. It was nice having someone to share a bowl of ice cream with. It was nice knowing that someone was there when you reached out during the night.

I don't really know where I am going with this. I like to think that I can now, and for the next fifty years, be a strong, independent woman who calls the shots, takes no prisoners, and doesn't need to find another person to help define me. But is that truly what I want ?

On-line winking, and somebody's angel

In the interest of research for this blog, or at least that is what I am telling myself, I signed up for a 3-month subscription to match.com. Am I ready to meet an absolute stranger for coffee ? I don't know.....perhaps......though quite a few of them say they are looking for a lasting long term relationship, or for their "last first date." Yeah, right !

I have been a "member" for three days now and have received a few "winks" and a few e-mails. Would I go out with someone who winked at me on the street ? NO. So why would I be interested in someone who winked at me on line ? If you ask me it's still sleezy, no matter the venue.

One man wrote and said I looked like an angel. HaHaHa. Unless, of course, he meant "Rubenesque", but I doubt if he knows that word considering the spelling in the rest of his
e-mail.

What I have found is that in the 48-58 year age group, most of the men are for some reason 51-years old. They all talk about themselves WAY TOO MUCH, they all think they are "fit and athletic",they all describe themselves as having hazel eyes, and they seem to be very interested in hunting and fishing. Another interesting thing. It asks where your favorite place in the world is, and so far, to a man, they've all said Maui. Okay, I like Maui as much as the next person, but favorite place in the world..... I don't think so. Is Maui really the to-go vacation spot for divorced, hazel-eyed hunters ?

Is what is out there in the dating pool divorced guys who like to shoot things, trailer camp, drink beer and scratch themselves...... and dream of a lifetime trip to Maui to sit on the beach and look at the young girls in bikinis?

If just one person said he had blue eyes, liked cooking, had a sense of humor and loved Italy, I would be winking at him like a maniac!

Here's the other weird thing. You post your picture on these sites, and put a certain geographical area of interest...... for instance, 60 miles from your current postal code.
Yesterday I was at Target in Napa and some man kept following me around with his cart. After we "accidentally" bumped into each other for the fourth time I was getting pretty creeped out. Then I thought, "Oh God, maybe he recognized me from my picture on the dating website." It really freaked me out.

Some tips on using the dating websites from someone who has had 3 days of experience:
1) If their profile says they are interested in someone age 18 to 80.... RUN
2) If they e-mail you and say "let's get off this site and e-mail privately", RUN.... and yes, this happened today. These sites are monitored, so if the person contacting you, on the first e-mail, wants to ditch the monitored site, he is probably a maniac of some sort. Oh, did I mention this is the same guy who thinks I look like an angel ?
3) Be aware of the sign in names. If the potential "date" signs in with something like "machobodyman," really think twice before winking. I am also a little leery of the ones whose profile names are "reallyasweetheart" or "tooniceaguy." Trying a little too hard to make themselves look good, I'd say.

I do know of people who have met the love of their lives on this site, so it does have merit. It's just that you have to sort though the weeds to find the daisies...... or as my mom used to say,
"You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet prince charming." OMG, that reminds me, on one guy's profile he says that you have to be a good kisser or he is not interested..... just sends chills down your spine, doesn't it ?