Miss Manners

So a friend introduces you to one of his friends, and low and behold, this "friend of a friend" turns out to be someone you like ! How do you say thank you ? Do you send you friend a thank you note ? Do you send him flowers ? Chocolate ? Do you send him your porno subscription with a note that says "thanks to you I don't need this anymore ?" What would Emily Post do ?

I think manners are very important to the whole dating scene. I'm not just talking the general basics like don't pick your nose, don't burp aloud, chew with you mouth closed. I mean more specific things like remember to compliment the person you are with..... say thank you when they compliment you......listen when they are speaking....don't let the cell phone be more important than the person you're out with......if you make food for him/her, ask what they like to eat and remember the answer......same goes with favorite music, favorite wine, favorite things to do, etc.
Don't take each other for granted.

Call me old fashioned but I really like a man who opens the car door for me, who lets me go through a door first, who pulls out a chair for me, etc. It is those little things that seem so simple but are so memorable. It is important that we remember to be polite and thoughtful of each other whether you have been together a week, a month, ten months or ten years. Manners and polite gestures are a simple way to let that special someone know you love him.

Soul Searching

I did a lot of soul searching last night after Mr. Blind left. I have been seeing quite a lot of him lately.... movies, hikes, dinner.... and I am really feeling safe and comfortable with this man. Yesterday I practically threw myself at him, I am embarrassed to say, and he very gently pushed me away and said "are you doing this because I am here, or because you really like me?" You know what, it is the same question I had been asking myself. Mr. Blind said he would rather take things slowly, because he wants to work on making a relationship that will last. I didn't know what to say, and after some soul searching I realized that what I was trying to do was to push a relationship with someone, without letting my heart be a part of it. I think it is a defense mechanism. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with Todd, and when my dreams and plans were shattered, it broke my heart. I tried to be brave and put on a brave face, but I was totally devastated. If I don't put my heart into a relationship, then I never have to go through that pain again.
The thing is, though, I really like spending time with Mr. Blind. I feel warm and safe and happy when I am with him, and when I think of telling him that I can't continue the relationship because I can't get my heart involved, I start to cry. So you see my dilemna. Against all odds, my heart is already involved.
I don't want to get married again. I don't want anyone to move in with me. I am scared to let myself be open to the relationship, but I also want to stick with it and see where it goes. Mr. Blind is not what was in my head as a person I might take a risk on. I had convinced myself that if I was going to date again I was going to look for someone who had no baggage, who was not looking for anthing long term, who had lots of money and lots of free time and just wanted to rescue me from my life and take me to wonderful places. Yes, I know it's a fantasy, but it was a good fantasy ! Then I met Mr. Blind. He has baggage.... so do I. He wants to be part of a family and have a meaningful relationship, which does scare me. I am going to have to take it really slow on that count. Both of us have to really watch the money we spend, which is, in fact, reality. So the question is, am I willing to go to the edge of the cliff and perhaps fall and shatter into pieces again ?
Some say I should date many, many people before I step into anything too serious. I don't really think that is true. If I find someone I want to spend time with, why would I pass that by to add numbers to my dating experience ? What would be the easiest thing is to tell Mr. Blind that I am not really ready to date, and to go hide under the covers for another year or two until I know that I am ready. The problem is, I like him. I like his hands and how big and gentle they are. I like the happiness I see in his eyes when he looks at me. I like the thoughtful things he does. I love the way he thinks about things and takes nothing for granted. I want to know more about the person he is, the person he was, and the life he's been through. I like the person he has become.
It is so hard for me to think beyond tomorrow. Who knows what will happen in six weeks, six months, six years. My instinct says to protect my heart at all costs. I hope I can be brave enough to take a chance.

sometimes it's just too much

My son, on the telephone this morning, asked me why I was being such a "cunt". This was because I was frustrated with him because he has not looked for a job, has not decided what computer he wants/needs, has not taken care of his bank card problems.... and I was horrible enough to remind him that he was an adult now and needed to take care of his own responsibilities..... that I couldn't micromanage his life. For this I am accused of being the "C" word. He knows exactly how I feel about this word. To me, it is one of the most vile, disgusting things you can say to someone. That's why he uses it. Why is it that he knows how to totally push all of my buttons? And more importantly, why do I let him ?
I am totally tired of life today. I don't want to have to go to San Francisco and stock the shelves of an ungrateful child. I really don't want to run to San Rafael and take the other one's laundry to her, because she's too busy to do it herself.
I am sick of the dogs barking and jumping and making my house smell like a kennel. I am tired of having a headache because of whatever is blooming in the air. I am tired of people asking too many questions/making too many assumptions about me and dating.......I just want to scream, bury my head in the sand, and disappear.
How's your day going ?

bald is not just for tires

I have decided that I like bald men. Bald, or shaved heads. I don't know what it is, but that is who I tend to gawk at when I drive by, walk by, see on television, etc. Maybe it's a hold over from when Todd lost his hair due to chemo. He was embarrassed, but I thought he was totally sexy that way, and told him that every time I got the chance.
Mr. Blind is not bald. He is balding, and is holding on to his hair with an iron comb!

He is really nice, though, and has great taste in music. Frank Sinatra, Louis Prima, James Brown, Woody Herman ! I think I have a little crush going.
Good thing my dogs are playing chaperone!

Does anyone know a good kennel ?

Another First Date

I went out on a date on Friday with Mr. Blind. We went to dinner, to see a movie, and then continued the evening with coffee and more talking at a local diner. It was really quite nice, and a bit frightening all at the same time.
I did find out a few more pieces of Mr. Blind's puzzle...
1) He does go to AA
2) He is in the printing business, and no, it is NOT porno or printing money. Actuallly, it is printing wine labels and we have some customers in common. Small world !

I was a little bit taken aback when he started talking about forging a relationship and then perhaps in the future getting married, if that's where we want to take it.
WOA, SLOW DOWN THERE HORSEY ! I was saying I didn't want anything long term, just friendship and fun..... and he's planning a walk down the aisle. Do men think this is what women want to hear ? Is it a way to get women to take their clothes off ?
I told Mr. Blind that I just want to take it very slowly, if that's okay.
Now I am thinking that any one in the dating pool should be able to say exactly what they are looking for. Let's say you are just looking for fun and friends, and perhaps a sexual relationship..... no strings attached. If you are a man, this is expected. If you're a woman, you sound like kind of a whore.

At the end of the night, Mr.Blind did lean over and kiss me and I was so surprised that I actually almost laughed. I really hadn't thought this dating thing through. I didn't realize that something so small as a little kiss, which I think I may have enjoyed, would send my mind reeling. It has been years and years since I was kissed by anyone but my husband. I forgot what a stranger's lips were like ! My mind is not sure whether I should be okay with this, or whether I should feel really sad.
Is it okay to kiss someone just for fun, or is it belittling what I had with my husband? Should I kiss him back, to see if I like it, or will I be cheating on my dead husband. Am I crazy ? Should I just call off any future dates right now ?

I am starting to get hives just trying to figure this all out. I guess I'll go on one more date, just to test the waters !!! Ahoy !

Stranger things have happened

An interesting thing happened last night. I got a call from my sister's ex-husband, who I haven't seen or heard from in about 8 months. He said I came up as a "perfect match" for him on e-harmony. OMG. I laughed so hard I about peed my pants.
Don't get me wrong, I love my sister's ex. He is the father of my wonderful nephews, and he will always be my friend. However, he was really stupid in choosing alcohol and other substances over his wife and three boys. A pretty unforgivable offense.
It is pretty funny because I stopped checking the e-harmony site because they were sending me names of southern baptists, or people like in the Footloose movie whose profiles said they didn't drink, didn't dance, didn't listen to music, etc. No thanks! Then I come up on the profile of someone that I know does all those things and more. Not quite sure how that all works, but suffice it to say, my mother would have a heart attack and die if I told her I got matched up with him. Me, I am still laughing about it !

Speaking of mothers, it seems like I have lots of them, all calling me this morning to tell me to not write so much on my blog. I am getting interesting comments from family members who think I am sharing too much. The thing is, I have always been someone who writes. I used to journal before it was popular ! I haven't written anything in a long time.... too busy raising kids, working, taking care of people, etc. Now that I have time again, I am really enjoying it, and my hope is that one person who is over 40 and trying to date again will read it and get a laugh, and maybe some advice. It's not easy !

No Lights, Big City

The first night in the big city, and I get a call at 10:30p.m. that when Max plugged in his lamp, the fuse blew and he was left in the dark ! The call was to see if he was supposed to try to flip the switches in the fuse box. YES. Didn't work. An exciting first night ! The landlord came today to replace the fuse. He brought extras with him, smart man, and showed Max how to replace them. After he took care of things, the landlord wrote me an e-mail to tell me that Max was doing well, seemed settled in, and that Max told him he was "enjoying every minute" of apartment life. Imagine a landlord writing to me to let me know all is okay. What a nice man !

I am kind of enjoying myself too! I am sipping a glass of wine. Josie and the Pussycats is about to come on tv. No one is coming in to change the channel. The dogs are resting on their new clean beds. Who knew things could be so relaxing ?

Oh, and did I mention I have a date ? The blind date guy, who will be hereafter referred to as "Mr. Blind" called to ask me out on Saturday for dinner and a movie! Guess what..... I said yes !
I can't believe it myself. He's going to pick the movie, I'm going to pick the restaurant. I'll update after the date. Let's see what movie he picks ! I want to see Shutter Island, but he'll probably pick something he thinks I would like to see, like Valentine's Day or Alice in Wonderland. Okay, I do want to see Alice, but I am going to that on Sunday for my God daughter's 12th birthday.
The other part of this is that I am supposed to be going out with Chemistry.com man later this week, but he hasn't written yet to let me know a specific day....... maybe I'll be busy. He should have booked in advance ! ha ha ha. I really thought there was potential there.
I may actually have to get an engagement calendar !

the Blind leading the date

Went on a blind date over the weekend ! Actually it was a "meet a friend of mine, it's not a date" kind of blind date, but he did call later and ask for my telephone number. That's progress.
It was actually a pretty good evening. The blind guy was very nice, but wouldn't tell me what he did for a living, and has two ex-wives. Are we sensing some red flags here, perhaps? I think I have to learn a lot more about him.

I spent the entire weekend helping my kids move to their wonderful new digs in SF. I can't wait to go spend the weekend there, if they'll let me. It's a quiet night here alone.... just me and the dogs and the cat. Messy but quiet. I have alot of cleaning to do. I was under the impression that if the kids rooms got messy enough they would be so grossed out that they would clean them. Color me wrong ! Now they've moved out and I can finally go in with lysol, rubber gloves, and a ten foot pole and start the battle against the grime !