No news

I haven't heard from Mr. Blind this evening. I thought we were spending the 3-day weekend together. I can't believe that I keep checking my phone to see if there is a message from him. It is like I am 16-years-old all over again. I am not sure I like this insecure side of myself.

Why hasn't he called ? Well, it could be because I burned my hair in a damn BBQ explosion last night and today had to get my hair cut really short....... I texted him and told him I looked like a boy. I know he likes long hair and I think if my hair had been this short the first time we met, he probably wouldn't be interested in me....... but I would like to think that now that he knows me superficial things like hair length don't matter.

Perhaps it is because he read my last blog, and thinks I was complaining about our love life, which is so totally untrue. I have forbidden him from ever reading my blogs, so if he did read it, he's in big trouble. If one of his friends read it to him, then I think I might be in trouble. I hope he knows that there is such a thing as poetic license, and that not everything I say in the blog is true. Some of it I just write for effect. I have absolutely no complaints with him at all, except maybe that I haven't heard from him today. I miss him, and I am mad at myself that I miss him. I am not supposed to care this much.

Talk about love

My "friend" has suggested that the only thing that could make our relationship better is if I become more vocal ! I know those of you that know me must be laughing your butts off, because rarely have I been accused of needing to make more noise or speak up more ! I am a "cards on the table" kind of gal. I say what I think, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
However, not in the context that my friend is talking about. He wants dirty talk ! "Oh, put your big ........ in my ........", "I can feel your great big, hot, ............" etc. You know, the kind of encouragement that turns some people on and makes others, like me, either cringe or laugh out loud ! I am serious ! And how encouraging is in when in the midst of pleasure, either your partner says something to you that makes you just dissolve in a fit of laughter, OR even worse, you can't shut off your mind and are spending valuable nooky like trying to think of something "sexy" to say that won't make you sound like you are in a bad porn film ? Maybe I should watch some porn films so that I can get tips on how to say that crap with a straight face. (Do they show people's faces in porn films ?) Since when is moaning and getting your partner's name right not enough ?
Maybe I should just say practical things like "I need more foreplay than just flipping me on top of you." Somehow I don't think that's the kind of vocal he's looking for !

The Drawer !

While Mr. Blind and I were walking around Target today, he asked if he could have a drawer in my room where he could keep a few things for when he stays over. A reasonable request but I've got to tell you, it totally sent me into a spin. #1, my house was built way back when a person had one sandal that they would pass from foot to foot when they wanted to wear shoes, and had one dress for the weekdays and one for church day ! Space is at a premium, and I am jealous of my space. I am not sure I want to share ! #2, am I ready for someone to keep his stuff at my house ? He does stay over a lot, and he carries his dirty clothes to work with him in his back pack when he goes straight from my house to work in the mornings, but having a dedicated drawer makes it seem permanent. This scares the crap out of me, because if he moves things in, then he can move them out again ! Am I emotionally ready for this ? Of course I reacted like a deer caught in the headlights, and the only thing I could think of to say was, "I didn't' know if you were staying of not, so I didn't offer a drawer." LAME and RUDE all at the same time ! So then I tried to cover by saying I didn't know which drawer to give him, and he suggested my pajama drawer because I have "300 pairs of pajamas." True, but beside the point. I love pajamas and where would I put them if I took them out of the drawer ?
Now I have a dilemma, and I can't stop thinking about it. I am going to go in my room and stare at the drawers, and see if an answer comes to me.

The Day After

A follow up to yesterday's birthday blog. Mr. Blind came over with a lovely present that is filling my day with music ! Very unexpected. I thought my present was dinner ! Of course, it was "man wrapped" which means no wrapping but the bag it came in. Haha. There was a lovely card !

I chose a Mayan restaurant for dinner. It was delicious. In retrospect, however, if you want a full evening of fun, perhaps spicy food and beans is not the food to order ! The Mayan menu doesn't exactly make you want to go home and take your clothes off, if you know what I mean! So I got to thinking today, what type of food is the perfect "friends with benefits" date food ? The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but is that the way south as well? I had considered a steak restaurant, as most men tend to like red meat,but I decided that if I had steak I would be all bloated and feeling like a big fat blob, and my stomach would probably be upset as well, so that was out. How about a nice salad restaurant ? No, because too much roughage can give you gas, and I am certain anything I ordered would have nuts -- don't want to go there again, or bell peppers or cucumber, both which make be burp. That's out. Indian food ? Too spicey. Popping Malox and having your nose run from the spices isn't exactly the height of sexy ! Chinese food? Maybe, but you'd have to take a break in an hour because you'd be hungry again !
I've decided that the Italians know how to eat, and to live. A nice calm dish of pasta, a nice glass of red wine, and you are warm, cozy and ready for love !

Happy Birthday to Me !

Today is my 49th birthday.... last year of the 40s. WOW. I can't believe it. My husband died when he was 49-years-old. WAY TOO YOUNG.

Yesterday we had a wonderful family brunch to celebrate. Max couldn't make it, but everyone else was there and we had a whole lot of fun. Brunch really is the perfect meal. You can have yummy food, and still have the whole day to do other things. Plus you don't feel like an overstuffed pig when you go to bed from eating too much dinner !

Tonight I am going out with Mr. Blind, who is treating me to a birthday dinner. I get to pick the restaurant. In Sonoma, most restaurants are closed on Mondays so that makes my choice easier ! Traditionally Todd always took me to my favorite Italian restaurant in Sonoma, The Depot, for my birthday each year. I know the food is good there, and I know they are open on Mondays, but I really don't think I can go there this year to celebrate with Mr. Blind. It is just a little too emotional for me. I will have to find someplace new and start a new tradition. I am actually looking forward to it.
I'll let you all know how it goes !