Does this smell like chloroform?

I was reading an article today, "28 sexy things to try in bed" from Redbook magazine, and was honestly very surprised at how mundane and seemingly obvious the sexy things were. It suggested things like sleeping in the buff, getting sexy underwear, playing dress up, and going out on a date. Um, old news. Doesn't everybody already know about this stuff ? Okay, granted, I did not know there was a website where you could get a Swarovski crystal stick-on tattoo for "down there " ( ouch !), but everything else was pretty boring. For this I spent $3.99 ?
One of the tips was being well groomed. Do people think it's okay to NOT be well groomed ? Is that one of the first things that goes ? Grooming tips are easy. 1) Deodorant and shampoo are your friends. 2) Nose hairs are NOT a good thing. 3) No one, man or woman, over 40-years-old show have a ponytail. 4) Moisturize ! This goes for men and women. Scaly skin is a turn off.
5) women, I don't care how "green" you are, razors are your friends. Leg hair and underarm hair are NOT sexy. Yes, I believe in evolution but nobody wants to f### a monkey !
You would think all of this would be obvious, but I guess not since magazines are still writing articles about it and people ( like me ) are still suckered into buying the magazine !

Maybe they should write articles about the top 28 pick up lines instead. My favorite ..... a man holds a napkin/handkerchief up to a woman's face and says "does this smell like chloroform?" Okay, it's funny because if someone holds something up to your face, and asks you to smell it, you usually do. It is almost an instinctual reaction. You sniff without even realizing it. Besides, it's hilarious ! How desperate do you have to be to actually chloroform your date ?

Which leads us to relationship advice. 1) Don't really chloroform your date, or slip drugs in her drink, etc. That's not funny. The rest of my advice is what I need to listen to myself.......2) pay attention when your partner speaks and try to remember what he says. It is important to anyone to feel valued and listened to. 3) Don't let your kids get in the way of your relationship! Don't let it get to a point where it is him/her or the kids. There will be nothing but regret and resentfulness no matter what you choose.

Starting a new life, one step at a time !

I just got back from my first job interview in over 20 years. This is all part of the reinventing process that I think I need. Was the interview successful ? I doubt it. I have the sales skills needed. I have the industry knowledge. I have written press releases for events and activities 'til I was blue in the face. Do I have any of them still ? Hell no. That was years ago. Who knew I'd ever need those things again ! Writing is a skill like riding a bike. Even if you don't do it for a few years, you still know If I had an iphone I could twitter like a frickin' bird. But that's not the type of thing someone wants to hear in an interview. They want me to show them an ecommerce page I have designed and to show them how much e-tracking I did and how much e-sales. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! I am trying to be hip and now, but I am afraid I am behind the times! I was supposed to be preparing for retirement at this stage of my life, once college was all paid for. Now I am looking at at least 25 more years of work, and I don't know how to twitter. I'm a veritable dinosaur !

So while I'm inhaling a bag of tortilla chips.... my "go to food" for battling depression and frustration...... Mr. Blind texts to ask me how the interview went. Good thing he didn't telephone, because if he heard the crunching he would know I was putting myself into a chip coma. I told him I looked nice, but I didn't think I was what they were looking for in the job.
His response, "Well I'm sure if they have anything better suited they'll give you a call."
It's the absolute perfect response. Kind without being condescending. Ego bolstering but understanding at the same time. How can someone who says he suffers from depression be so wonderful at being positive and at making others feel good about themselves ? And where do I get a prescription !

Rescue me

Do men ever feel like they just want someone to rescue them ? I wonder.
I know when I get totally stressed, or my finances and/or client list looks bleak, I find myself dreaming of having someone ride up in a white Ferrari and rescue me. What would a rescue consist of ? I wouldn't ask for much..... money would be nice, and a fabulous vacation would be really nice. Then perhaps a life in a beautiful farmhouse with lots of land, very few animals to take care of, and lots of room and funding to throw beautiful parties for all of our friends.
I just wonder if men hope for a rich, beautiful woman to dash in to their lives and rescue them from their daily existence and worries. You never hear of the princess riding up on the white horse to rescue the handsome prince.

My thoughts lately have been on how I want to spend the second half of my life.
I do have some friends ( and family ) who are still suggesting that I find someone wealthy who will take care of me -- okay, where is the store where you go to pick up wealthy men ? I am sure it's not as easy as they think it is, or every bimbo would be shopping there.
I would rather have everything I ever wanted because I earned it, but have I set my life up for that ? When I was a magazine editor I loved my life. I loved being on deadline. I loved interviewing people and writing articles. I loved having a staff and always having something to accomplish. It was a terrific job, but the long hours spent at the office when the deadlines hit were not suited to raising young children. So, the decision was made that I would work in sales in a smaller company and set my own hours, so that I could be with the kids. This worked beautifully because I was able to have a job and go to all the kid stuff, and it worked when Todd was sick as well because I could make it to most of his doctor's appointments...... but now there is no one needing me. There i s just me, sitting at the kitchen table with my telephone and my computer, talking to clients and trying to convince them to buy printing. I don't think it is enough to mentally sustain me for the next 25 years. Not to mention the lovely invention called Kindle, which is killing the book printing industry !
What do I do with this new found self knowledge ? How do I embark on a new career when I am nearly fifty years old, and when the job market is the worst it has been since the depression?
Is it like sales where it is a numbers game, and every day I when I am done sending out the bulk mailing fishing for perspective customers, I should send out ten resumes as well ?

The deal was that I would put my magazine career on hold, work in a setting that was better for raising a family, and now, with only two more years of college to pay for, my husband and I would be planning vacations, going out to dinner, and enjoying our lives together as empty nesters. Instead I am here alone, not knowing what tomorrow will bring, but knowing that I will have to work for at least another twenty years before I retire. It is a very rude awakening. This princess is going to have to open her eyes and figure out a way to rescue herself.